Older And Far Away Pt 2

I'm so careless and absent minded.

I thought I left my camera USB cable at the office, since I can't find it anywhere at home. Well just now as I was sorting through my clothes, I found the damned cable with together with my socks. I must've put it there and forgotten about it.

I'm getting old.

And yes, I am. I'm going to be 32 this year. Damn scary, man. I know that it shouldn't be but damn scary it still is.

When my dad was 32, I was 11 years old. Me at 32, occasionally still acts as though I'm still 11. There's a vast difference between my life and the lives of my parents as you can see.

They don't say it and I never ask. But I know they wonder what the hell is going to become of me. At a time when other people's kids are buying property and getting settled down and having babies, I'm still like this.

I thought about it, and I think I'm about 8 years behind schedule when compared to other "normal" people. The price of squandering your youth by being inept and unsure of yourself is high, as can be seen.

By no means am I alone. A lot of my friends are in the same place as me, although most of them are younger.

I won't deny it. I worry sometimes. Also I kinda feel sorry for my parents. I don't act like it but I do. I sometimes think about what goes through their minds when they see my former high school classmates with their stability and families and compare them to me.

I hope my brothers will do better. I hope they can be the normal kids that my parents probably want them to be. The good part is, I know they will do just fine. Neither of them suffer from my lack of self confidence and other hangups. One's a minor celeb and the other one's quite popular himself. They are both capable in their own rights so there's hope there.

Like it or not, some things will have to change because of the time factor. I have to come up with some new plans and forget about many of my old ones. It's hard to dump your dreams apparently, as I am finding it to be.

I didn't do this rethinking when I turned 30. I guess I better do it now. So now I think I should think about things, about my life, about where am I headed.

The part that sucks the most is the giving up part. I hate giving up. It makes me feel like I've just lost a bet or a game of chess.

But time is also a saviour and time won't let you stay in place, always dragging you along whether you want to go or not. And how rude of time. But with the dragging comes the moving on and the getting over of old experiences. Hopefully anyway.

Lots of things didn't happen when I was in my so-called prime. I made a lot of mistakes. I have some minor regrets but I hope all the things that I went through then will be worth it in the future. It has to be.

It would be grossly unfair if everything I did was all for nothing in the end and I would end up old, alone and forgotten.

And so, here's to hoping.