Monday, May 31, 2004

Chilling Out

Right now, I have a slight hangover. It's funny, I keep saying I hate beer and yet can't stay away from it at parties. But really I should stay away from it, since it causes the worst hangover you can imagine. So tonight I'll just get comfy with my vodka & orange juice mix thank you very much.

Got another party to go to. This Gawai is turning out to be rather fun and not boring like many previous ones. That's a good thing, I really need to chill out.

And talking about chilling, I watched "The Day after Tomorrow" yesterday. Very nice. I found to be truly frightening in places. I mean when Mother Nature itself is going berserk, what can anybody do. There's no monsters to kill or fight. All anyone can do is either run or ride it out. That's the sense I got from that movie. I kinda wished that the movie was longer. And they were funny moments too. Go and watch. Fun.

Got not much to say right now, since I'm kinda in a rush actually.

Here's wishing everyone a fun-filled Gawai. Cheers !!

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Small Hour Elation

It's the small hours of Sunday morning and I'm about to go off work in exactly 23 minutes !

Yessss !! I've been so exhausted lately, so many things to deal, what with things happening in the house, my car acting up (condenser belting making horrible whining noise;tension too low/too high), my software tests in the office, Angel ending (damn you WB damn you !!), my recent melancholy-depression-memory-flashback attack (made worse by the fact that I bumped into an ex-girlfriend on Wednesday night) and other stuff like that.

I'm looking forward to a break. Gawai's a joyous, if slightly overrated occasion. This year, I have actual plans ! A friend came down from Sri Aman last night so most likely we're hanging out tonight. I got lots of things to bitch about with my life, but friends ain't one of it. I got friends coming out of my ears !! And they're all cool. All of them.

I was checking out Yahoo news earlier and I found this. So, to all those people who thought that I was being stupid/childish/fanboyish/wimpy/ for watching Buffy; HAH !!

God I miss that show. And Angel too.

And Illyria rawks !! Go Amy Acker !!

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Stuff I did this week

I just signed up for G-Mail. One gb of storage. Now, considering my
lack of e-mail correspondence, what can I do with all that space. I
guess I could turn my g-mail account into a vast sink-hole for spam.
Let's see how fast it fills one gig.

Due to the rather sorry sounding previous post, today I thought of
writing about lighter things. Actually, after I posted the entry
below, I was kinda affected by it. So I did a few things to get over

One was to go to the movies. I watched Troy on Tuesday. It was good.
Not great, but good. It had to be considering how long it was and I
didn't feel like going to the bathroom the whole time. The cast was
great, except maybe Orlando Bloom. He looked really wimpy next to Pitt
& Eric Bana. Eric Bana was the best of the lot. The story was fine,
but I didn't like the way they compressed what was supposed to be a
10year siege into a couple of weeks. All in all, good movie. Now,
where can I find a copy of Illiad eh ?

Wednesday I watched Shrek 2. That movies's just mad. It was a riot,
even from where I was sitting in the second row. Wednesday was cheap
day at the Cineplex, but I never expected that many people to show up.
The place was packed and all the shows were booked solid the whole
night, hence my being in row B. Anyways, Shrek 2 was an absolute
blast. I love the cat !! For a good time, watch Shrek 2. Fun

I also bought two cds, Avril Lavigne's "Under My Skin" and The
Calling's "II". This is the highlight of this week probably. Both cds
were top notch.

I'm really pleased and surprised by Avril's cd. The music is edgier,
closer to hard rock then pop. Driving bass-lines, improved guitar
work, aggressive drumming and Avril's lyrics are all fab. I noticed
despite the harder music in this cd, her lyrics are a little mellower,
which is good. She's growing up, and probably figuring out that she
doesn't have to be a "punk" rebel all the time (and by the way,
despite what people keep saying, Avril Lavigne is NOT punk). I know, i
know, Avril's a "manufactured" artist and is very commercial bla bla.
But really, even if you're a anti-pop, anti-mtv purist check out this
cd. Surprises await. Watch out for "Nobody's Home" and "My Happy
Ending". Brilliant songs (especially the lyrics).

When compared to their first effort, The Calling's new album is...well
FAR superior. I love it. It's perfect long-distance-drive music,
mid-tempo, mellow pop-rock. I heard this cd a few times already and
there's no stinkers on here. All tracks have merit and easy to listen
to. Emotional but not nauseating, sweet but not sickening. Cool.

Well that's it folks. That's all the stuff I did. Next week will be
fun too. I'll be off the whole week and like any self-respecting Iban
male, I plan to enjoy my Gawai break.

And get totally wasted.

Have a great weekend.

Monday, May 24, 2004


I just came back from an extraordinarily long-winded & overly technical IBM workshop at Hilton just now. I had to consume two entire cups of black sugarless coffee to prevent me from nodding off. God that was boring. It did not help that last night I slept at 3.30am. I was watching four episodes of Angel back to back. Season 5 Eps 18,19,20,21. Can't wait for the the finale !!

I have to say though, it did have its highlights. Some topics were pretty interesting and lunch was really good (mini-steaks & tiramisu, yummy!!).

I was going to write about me and my feeling bored all the time nowadays, but decided not to. I mean who wants to read about boredom. That's such a boring topic. Besides, I think I've wrote about that before. I can't remember.

I'm having another thought now. I read in some blogs recently, about how some people make such a big deal about being single when you reach a certain age. It's as if that if I'm not involved or married or in some relationship, there's something wrong with me.

Let me ask, is it THAT easy to start a relationship ? "Dude, go and get yourself a gf la. You need a chick man. Just go can bring her out." So I just go out and get one is it ? If it was that easy, then is there something wrong with me ?

Maybe there is something wrong with me, who knows ? But let's consider some undeniable facts. Not everyone gets lucky. Not everyone gets to fall in love and have someone love back. Not everybody gets to be in a healthy relationship.

Some would protest that luck has anything to do with it. But I'm telling you, luck is everything here. Say I meet a girl and like her immediately. Say I call her. The idealist would say, if I'm a nice guy she would like me back. And we would be friends. And maybe more. This is all true, if Mills & Boons books were based on fact.

But I don't live in that world. It's not perfect. I think I'm a nice guy and people have told me that. But being nice isn't enough. I need to have luck too. If not, I could screw up. I could call her at the wrong time, while she's busy or while she's pissed off. That won't leave a good impression. I could say the wrong thing. That might piss her off. And as 'nice' as I am, if she's pissed off at me, she won't like me. God knows how many times this has happened. My countless rejections are testament to that.

You could say, "Dude, you can't give up. You try again." Okay fair enough. So I ask another question, how many rejections can I handle ? How much pain can I take ? In the movies, the hero never gives up. Too bad I'm no hero, I'm just a regular person. And i'm sick & tired of failed relationships. I could end up single and alone all my life. I used to be so worried about all this alone stuff. And now, I no longer care. Even if I sound like I've given up and am a coward for not wanting to try, I don't care. I'm the one who will feel the pain, not my well meaning friends (God Bless them, they're nice people).

Okay, I'll be realistic. I'll give it one more shot. But this time around, I'll wait. No pushing, bad things happen when I push. If God were to be kind enough to me, the opportunity will be there. And He will tell me that and for once, just once I won't fuck it up. I won't crowd her out. I won't embarass her in front of her relatives with my lack of social finesse. I won't be clingy and needy. I won't make the same countless mistakes that I know I've made.

When will that happen ? Only God knows.

The truth is I'm still smarting from all the screw ups. It still hurts a lot. I regret them all. I've learned valuable lessons, but I sometimes feel like it's too late for those lessons to apply. Right now, I want to be alone. I don't really want to get involved. At the very least, I'm not going to start anything. If it was fated that I be in a relationship in the foreseeable future, I won't be the one making the move.

And you, dear reader, if to you I sound pathetic that's because maybe I am. If you have an answer, please tell me I'd like to know. If you want to slap me and want to give me the one-step therapy, please feel free. But if you want to feel sorry for me then please desist. I've had enough pity and I don't deserve anymore.

Despite everything and all the bad memories and the cynicism, I can say with absolute conviction:-

I don't need anyone. I'll be fine.

Here endeth the wallowing in self-loathing (for now).

Thank you.

Saturday, May 22, 2004


There's not really a point for today's post. There are a few things though, one is this post is another remote post (ie not done in blogger). The other thing is that I'm feeling quite good right now.

June is almost here, and with it the halfway point of the year. Now that the halfway point is reached, the months will accelerate and before we know it it's Christmas and New Year's Eve all over again. Gosh, where did the time go...

And for me, June carries with it certain good vibes. After all, Gawai is just a week or so away (and so is payday !!) so that's not a bad thing at all. But overall, June always feels bright & sunny even without Gawai to consider. It's got a light, summery feel to it. I feel it even in my current stage of general non-excitement.

For a change, I got plans for Gawai. I got parties to attend. So more booze is necessary. Looks like I'll be paying that 2nd mile shop and buy me two bottles of whatever. I haven't decided yet, have to pick between Gordon's Dry Gin, Smirnoff Vodka, Absolut Vodka or Southern Comfort (a personal favourite). Or maybe I should go nuts and buy one of each.

Not a whole lot to say for now. Actually I have a few thoughts, one is to write about GOOD cops for a change (been doing a bit of pig bashing recently, so I need to redress that somewhat). Another has something to do with what Dee wrote about recently that got me thinking.

But those are for other times.

Have a good day.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Remote Control

This is a new feature I'm trying out, it being new not because it wasn't available before but because I never noticed it before.
This feature allows me to blog from my e-mail, where the entry is created and then mailed to the desired blog.
Also something I've noticed. Spelling mistakes. I've been rather careless. Of course this could be caused by the rather awkward keyboard that I was using for a few days. Not much I can do about that, since I blog either from the office (nice Dell Quietkey keyboard) or CC (crap ten ringgit generic keyboard). Ok ok I'm in denial, I'm the dumbass who either never proofread my own post or am in too much of a hurry to do so.
I could reedit and repost but as a rule I don't do that. To me, a blog entry is a moment frozen in time. It's like a picture of whatever I'm thinking & feeling at the time. I feel that if I reedit, it takes the spontaneity out of a post. This is also why I never plan or write an outline for my posts. Some people probably do this and that's great for them. But it's one shot one kill (or sometimes, one miss) for me.
I watched "I'll be There" just now in the evening. Starring among others Craig Ferguson (Drew Carey's boss in Drew Carey Show, he also directed & wrote this movie ), Jemma Redgrave and CHARLOTTE CHURCH !! I'm usually not very enthuastic about singers who (try to) act, but kuddos to Chaz for her work here. Not a challenging role but she did it well enough. Plus she's such an angel and so cute. And her accent. And THAT voice. How can I criticize her ?
Craig was entertaining to watch as well there's Anthony Stewart Head in this movie too, in a support role. I like to watch ex-Buffy/Angel alum try new stuff. It's interesting to watch them being other than the characters that I'm used to.
It was a good movie, simple and to the point, well paced and well acted. I enjoyed it.
Okay, now I will hit send and see if this thing actually posts.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

A Short One (A bit like me actually..)

What makes a good post ?

A long one ? A short one ? What factor decides the quality of a post ? Is it the same as your typical karangan or English composition ?

Do I have to follow the same rules as that ? Or does being totally spontaneous guarantee a good read ?

These thoughts have been running in my head all day. Obviously I got no answers.

I watched Buffy again today. Just a few episodes. And I think this week, the lasty episode of Angel EVER is going to be shown. Well, end of an era.

I'm going to miss the Buffy/Angelverse. What a great world, where fantasy meets soap opera meets action meets comedy. And what great great characters !! Buffy,Angel,Giles,Willow,Xander,Cordy,Oz,Faith,Anya,Spike,Wesley,Gunn,Fred and so many others.

I'm going to miss them all. With the passing of Angel, there goes my last reason to regularly follow TV. Weird how the end of a TV show could be so hard to follow. And to think I started watching Buffy so that I could oogle at the very tasty looking, high booted, short skirted Sarah Michele Gellar.

Ah well... Tonight I'm seeing some friends and getting Angel Season 5 Episodes 15,18,19,20 & 21.

Must enjoy it while it lasts.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Victim of Real Life

I just had a thought.

I'm not posting daily anymore. I don't really have that much time since I got my car, but that's probably because of my non-existent time "management" skills. Like right now, I'm supposed to meet my friend to help him try out his spanking new PC, but no.. I had to leave home late so I have to rush and not have time to blog. But I felt like I had to.

I'm going to try though, since it bothers me if I don't write something here. Must remember to practise, since that was the whole purpose of the blog anyways.

I remember days of yore, when I first started to get into this online stuff. First it was mIRC. Funfactory channel. Everynight without fail I'd be there at 11.00pm without fail, talking trash with the rest of the chatters. That was so much fun. Then, slowly one by one the regulars upped & dissapeared. I remember one of them most of all, this American girl. One day I asked her, where did so & so go to, he hasn't been around ? She told me,"VoRL". "Huh ? What's that ?", I asked.

"Victim of Real Life". A while later she told me that she also has become a VoRL and will stop chatting. She told me she was getting married and was moving to New Jersey. Many months later,I got mail from her, telling me what she's been up to and that she gave birth to a boy. Awww....

Victim of Real Life. Is real life so bad that you could be victimised by it ? Who knows, I'm not going to go into semantics. Actually now that I think about it, yes you can be a victim of real life. But that's a whole other post by itself.

It's just that suddenly I'm thinking, will I ever stop blogging like I stopped chatting ?

I hope not. I don't want to stop. I guess I'll go on as long as there are people reading it, there's stuff to write about (or not) and as long as I'm still here..

Now excuse me, I have a PC to check out.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Long Serious Post (I hope it doesn't become lame..)

Isn't that just typical...?

Here I am preparing to go home in about an hour's time, thinking that I got nothing to write about, when my cousin called. Their office at Jln. Dogan got broken into and they lost all their CPUs. Five CPUs, that's about RM15,000, including one belonging to a customer. How the hell is he going to explain that one...

The weird thing was, my cousin that whoever broke into the place ignored all the other stuff (including some things more valuable) and went straight for the computers. I'm beginning to wonder if there's more to this break-in than meets the eye.

For the record, this wasn't the first time that company's lost things to thieves. And also, for the record I used to work there before I moved here to my present work.

My cousin, he's quick active in politics. He's quite well placed right now, and looks to be on his way up. He told me just now that he suspects that whoever took those PCs wanted to deny them use of the documents in those PCs (and yeah, some of them documents are top level confidential). Ahh yes, our very own conspiracy theory.

And talking about that, have you heard ? Some left wing terrorist appologists out there think that the Nick Berg vid is FAKE. Some people think that's some radical elements from the CIA or Mossad did it to divert attention from the Abu Ghraib incident. Or the whole thing was STAGED !! What a load of hogwash !!!

I'm particularly pissed off at the fact that there are people out there (including some Malaysians) who wish to diminish the painful, unnecessarily slow death of Nick Berg by politizing it. Saying things like the whole thing was a Jewish/ultra-Christian ploy to undermine the Islamic position in Iraq. Theories like these are nothing more than fantasies of the deluded. Some people are just idiots.

And while I'm on the subject of Iraq, I might as well write down my uncensored, unabridged opinions about the whole thing.

I am against the war in the first place. I did not see any justification for the invasion to have gone through. The "reasons" that the Bush administration was shaky at best and downright fictitious at worse.

The invasion itself was rushed and ill planned. First, the Coalition went in too light. Not enough men, not enough spares for vehicles, not enough ground work convincing local Iraqi dissidents to support them, heck not even enough ammo (trawl through some Yahoo news and some indie military websites from last year to read about the supply situation). The Coalition also had NO PLANS for government after winning. They should have formed an interim shadow government BEFORE they invaded, hence the necessary groundwork with local dissidents.

Tactically, until now the Americans have proven to be too heavy-handed, using weapons that are too heavy not to cause collateral damage. No matter how careful you are, you CANNOT expect a 2000 pound LGBU (Laser Guided Unit, a bomb) to not cause civilian casualties. Nor can I understand the use of the AC-130 Spectre gunship in a densely populated area like Fallujah. The damned thing has TWO 105mm cannons on board. Not to mention 40mm cannons. And miniguns (yes, plural) !!! That to take out a two man insurgent observation team on the roof of a building ? Overkill man. For urban combat, better to stick to (small) chopper gunships like Cobras, snipers & SMAW teams (rocket soldiers for you c&c fans).

Due to their heavy handedness and extravagant use of excessive force, the Coalition (especially the Americans, the Brits are better at handling insurgencies) indirectly cause more people to rise against them.

BUT, on the other hand, I'm extremely happy they got rid of Saddam Hussein. There's NOTHING good about this regime. Now regular Iraqis can do whatever they want. They can now hold protests against the Americans and demand for things out loud. This is great. Sure they're lots to improve but at least now they don't have to fear the government. If they tried this against Saddam's time, they'd be machine-gunned enmasse. Or gassed. Or taken to labor camps. In the sense of freedom, the war did what they advertised that it would. Now, regular Iraqi citizens are freer than they've ever been. The only problem is that I didn't like the way the US did it. They should've went covert, incited and then supported a popular uprising instead. I never like the use of regular army for this (toppling a dictatorship).

Should the US pull out ? Should the UN take over ? Yes & Yes. But not too soon. Leave too soon and create a power vacuum which the likes of Al-Qaeda or that upstart Al-Sadr can exploit. What do you get ? Civil war. Genocide for sure. Those people who helped the Americans during the occupation would be put to the sword. No matter how much of a left wing pacifist you are, think about this. America can't pull out until Iraq can defend itself. Alang-alang menyeluk pekasam...

The UN ? For me they can only be allowed to take over security IF AND ONLY IF, UN forces are authorised to intervene in localised conflict with FORCE and are allowed to conduct OFFENSIVE operations to root out rogues & terrorists. No use for them to be there if they can't guarantee security, much like they did (or is it didn't) in Bosnia. The problem with UN forces, they're usually tied down by idiotic rules-of-engagement that prevent them to be proactive. If they are given more dynamic combat parameters to play with in Iraq, I'm for it and I hope our 2nd Ranger Btn will go (I doubt it though). Those guys kick ass. If not, and they let local warlords have their way (like in Somalia, which until today STILL does not have a central government, this is what you get if you're too touchy feely in a warzone), don't bother.

For me the fact is that if there is no SECURITY in Iraq by the time they elect their own government, the Coalition should remain. Or if the UN is replacing then let it be with desiciveness and logical aims. Otherwise, Iraq will go the way of the Republic of South Vietnam and dissapear.

Wow that was long.

Friday, May 14, 2004

In the Morning....

A quick post before work.

I'm already at work actually. I'm suddenly struck by the urge to write something.

I hate waking up so early in the morning. Waking up at 5.30am is hard, especially when you're not a morning person. I had a conversation which the guy on my opposing shift yesterday. We're diametrically opposite. He said it was hard for him to work at night. I told him it was hard for me to wake up in the morning. But working the day is not that bad actually. I get to meet more people and more stuff goes on in during the day. It's the waking up at 5.30am that sucks. Probably got something to do with the fact that I can't sleep early in the first place. I'm an incurable insomniac that way.

Another major source of annoyance are slow drivers. Especially bikes that run in the middle of road at 30km/h. Especially when you can't pass him without endangering yourself or the bike rider.

What is it with some people ? From where do some people get the idea that driving SLOWLY is "safe" ? And why do they have to do it in the fast lane ? And how is it safe when you block traffic on a one way road while you drive ? Okay fine, when moving slowly you're less likely to hit things, but when you block traffic you might get hit from behind. I have a relative who's been in several accidents of medium severity. What do all these accidents have in common ? This relative (my aunty actually) gets hit from behind while riding her bike. Slowly.

Okay you could say that it's the person who hit her that' s in the wrong. Yeah probably. But to be fair, you should follow the flow and drive at the same pace as everybody else. Not faster. Not slower. And please, don't drive at 50km/h on the fast lane on the Satok Bridge. It's called a "fast lane" for a reason. And besides, it's dangerous to block traffic like that there since it's a slope upwards/downwards. People (especially buses & trucks, we all know how long/far it takes for these things to stop) might not see you in time. Especially when it's wet.

There is an important term in air-combat. That term is "Situational Awareness". It's being aware of your surroundings, where you are at, who's around you, what are they doing, what are you doing in relation to them. A pilot uses his instruments to help him achieve this. That also means that he must be confident that his intruments are working. Same things go when operating a motor vehicle on a public road.

From my experience, it doesn't help if you're paranoid when driving. The more you think about bad things happening on the road, the more likely you'll get in trouble. You have to be relaxed & confident of your own abilities. You must also know the limits of your vehicle.

Driving slow doesn't make you safe on the road. Driving smart does.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Why I Blog

Finally updated all my "Other People's Blogs" links. I was suppposed to do that like 3 weeks ago or something, but I'm so lazy nowadays, hence the large gaps between posts.

Also I haven't been posting because I've been trying to get the hang of the new code for template. Complicated but at the same time very well structured. Did I mention I hate/suck at programming ?

Let's see what's been happening.

Movies. I watched three of them the last four days. One in the cinema (Van Helsing), two on DVD (Torque, Scary Movie 3).

*Warning ! Potential spoiler alert !

Van Helsing was excellent, although it would b better if they had made it more gothic. I love the Three Brides !! And why is Kate Beckinsale always in movies where there are vamps & werewolves ? And Hugh Jackman, he was Wolverine and now he's a werewolf. Coincidence or does he like wearing fur...?

Torque reeked of unfulfilled potential. It was threatening to turn into a cult action movie, a-la "Harley Davidson & the Marlboroman" up till three quarters into the movie. But what did they do ? They just had to bring in the "bike with a helicopter engine". This ruined the whole movie for me. It was still believable until that point where it suddenly turned into a typical 80s straight to video actioner.

And Scary Movie 3 wasn't as good as the earlier two. Simon Cowell's cameo & the funny lyrics in the rap battle ("I am white, but my neck is red..") were some of the highlights. Fun...

I'm quite bored now, even more than usual, so in order to alleviate boredom I went to KP to look for DVDs. I found nothing interesting. Later I went to the game shop upstairs. I found nothing interesting. I went to Rupert to check out some band t-shirts. Again, I found nothing interesting. It was boring.

As a matter of fact, this post is probably boring too.

There is one thing that came to mind though. I read something at Aida's. Something about feeling depressed and inferior after reading other people's blogs. As much as I'd hate to admit, I feel that way sometimes. It's mystifying how some people can write interesting, thought-provoking, insightful entries in their blogs on a daily basis, whereas I'm reduced to writing drivel about my (boring) life. How do they do that ?!

But the cosmological upshot (whatever that means, I got it from Angel) is that every blogger probably feels this way sometimes. This is me trying to be rational here. In the end, the last time I checked blogging wasn't a competitive sport, therefore I'm not going to compare. So what if my posts are not philosophical or intelligent or relevant or whatever. I didn't start blogging to be "clever". The stuff I write is true and is a reflection of me and what I think/feel at the moment regardless of so-called "lack of content".

I started a blog because I wanted to practise self-expression and to be brave about it. I think in that respect, I'm doing pretty well :).

Am I ?

Monday, May 10, 2004

Upgrade Complete

"Hey check out our new TOW missiles"

That's what the Humvee driver will say in C&C Generals once you buy the TOW missile upgrade. In case that didn't make any sense, I'm taklking about upgrades in general, this blog in particular.

I like the new design ! It's dark blue ! It's got dots all over the place ! It looks good ! It's cool. I hope you guys like it.

It's better on the eyes, at least for me anyways. And the color, well me being a person who likes dark shades with highlights, I love it. It's dark and...well, has highlights. Just like my room.

Later I'm going to 4th mile to get a friend, where we will in turn get another friend in BDC. Yesterday I went to Choice Daily and bumped into him buying a whole lot of black pepper beef patties. A little nudge later and today we're having BBQ black pepper beef & Screwdriver !!! Yay !! How opportune, I'll celebrate my new blog look while I'm there.

Don't you just love upgrades..!

See ya tomorrow.

Saturday, May 08, 2004


I had a good day today. Probably an over run from last night.

Last night was the historic maiden Kuching Bloggers Meet !! I thought it was a great success. We all got to meet everyone and what an interesting bunch of people we had. I'm especially pleased. I really hope we can meet regularly and even more I hope that we can form more concrete relations with each other besides just being blogger colleagues.

Meeting one new person is such a great experience. The discovery and the introductions. Learning their interests & dislikes, quirks & idiosyncrasies. I love it. Meeting new people always brings excitement. Now multiply that by TEN. I'm going to have this good vibe for a while.

Another thing that struck me was when I was reading Lisa's post about chatting. How true is that. I posted about the same thing a while back and last night's meeting sort of confirmed an opinion that I've been having about online communities.

The chatting scene has degenerated a lot since the heady days of the mid 90s, when mIRC ruled. Nowadays, it's just a whole bunch of repressed, desperate men, asking whether you want to cyber or not (regardless of the gender my nick implies). Or some teenage kid trying to hook up with some chick. It's actually hard to get a decent chat on IRC nowadays (I tried). And if you use a feminine nick, it's nearly impossible to come away without being sexually harassed (I tried this experiment too, and the result is consistent everytime).

Whatever happened to making friends through chatting ? Or the comfort of having a deep conversation with total stranger where you can talk about your most intimate fears and greatest desires without it degenerating into an offer for cyber (and sometimes actual,scarily enough) sex.

There's a lot that can be said about chatting. Lots of related topics like the shell some people put when they're online and other philosopical stuff like that.

What I am going to write about today is my opinion that the blog scene (at least the Kuching one) won't degenerate that way. There's not much danger of the blog scene being invaded by sexually repressed men (or women) blogging solely for the purpose of soliciting sex.

I posted about this on the AfterOphelia Communal Blog in April I think (and Amy quoted me in one of her own post !). Bloggers are different from chatters and others. Blogging takes effort and discipline. Blogging takes passion (just look at how elaborate some blogs are. Not mine though, I'm just too lazy heh.!) Many weblogs contain sensitive, personal accounts, therefore I can safely say that the average blogger is honest. The average blogger doesn't hide and pretend to be another person. And that last part is probably the best part.

During these days of lies,fakery and deception it's good to know that honesty still exists online. That's proof that despite of what we read and hear on the news, there are still many good, honest people in this world.

And that's a good thing.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

No Transmission

I read my last post and thought,"Oh God. What was I going on about ?". The lesson here ? Don't try to express complex thoughts when nursing a vodka induced hangover, however slight. The vodka itself, however is just nice thank you.

Ever had a day when you feel like writing about something's that really important and may even be compellingly interesting, but for some reason can't find words to wrap around the idea ? This is one such day.

I'm stuck in a rut. Writingwise. Workwise. Relationshipwise, in the sense that I don't even have the drive to start one (that's a whole different story that's been told a million times). Presently, all the days of the week seem to blend into one another like a big grey blur. I also noted with some interest in some blogs that I've been reading, the stuck-in-a-rut feeling is pretty prevalent this week. Maybe May is rut season (no I don't mean pigs mating).

At least I got friends to hang with. They add color. I simply cannot imagine them not being around. I hope I don't treat them badly.

I think I could use a vacation. Go someplace far and unfamiliar. Or maybe go to a place where it used to be familiar, like KL. But is there really a sure-fire way to get out of a rut ? Or maybe it's just something we have to wait out, you know like a blizzard or something. I also noticed that the rutty feeling gets more common when you get older. It might be suffering from the been-there-done-that syndrom here.

On the lighter side of things, I learnt to rush in CC Generals today ! For the uninformed, CC Generals is a real time strategy video game (or is it more tactical ?) where you build bases and collect money and built troops & soldiers to destroy your enemy while he/they try to do it to you first. A rush is when you blitz your opponent in the first ten minutes and destrot him/her/it. That felt good, since I've been trounced by the computer the last two days. Ahh boys and their war games.

I also watched The Legend of Suryothai. Visualing very appealing but the story (and the acting) was just so-so. And they were a lot of coronations in the movie. Very educational.

Tonight ? I'm going to watch Scary Movie 3. Tomorrow ? Work.

Here's to a good week.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004


Had an interesting night last night. There's this girl I know. Not actually a friend, more of an acquiantance. I think I've only hung out with her once.

Last night, I got invited to a gathering at her house along with some of my other buds and some of hers. This was rather strange (but in a good way). For one thing, she was asking us to bring booze (we did). Now as far as I know, this girl doesn't drink.

So what makes a non-drinking girl suddenly hanker for a shot of Jim Beam you wonder ? Why she got dumped of course. Or rather, she caught her boyfriend red-handed with some chick. In his bed room. Also, she doesn't think too highly of Filipino girls presently.

So we had our Jim Beam and our Absolut Screwdriver (vodka & orange juice...yum yum). And all the while, she was telling us how she hates guys bla bla bla i.e typical break up talk. And who could blame her.

What's the point here ? The point is no matter how good a relationship is going, there's really no way of knowing is there ? These two have been going out for six years and everything's gone now. So is it worth it ? I guess it depends on how invested you want to be in a relationship. Is the relationship worth the risk of getting hurt over ?

This is one of those reasons why I'm not really into the whole dating scene. There are other factors of course, like my gutlessness and lack of social finesse, but that's besides the point. The main thing is the fear. Coming of too many dumpings and screwed up "relationships" doesn't actually do wonders for one's confidence.

Well meaning people tell me,"Dude, you gotta have confidence.". So now here's the question. If I've never really had a 'successful' relationship, what do I have I be confident about ? My self ? Okay maybe but again I have to there is a thing called delusion that I have to consider. Am I being a wuss ? Maybe, but before anyone gets judgemental be me for a while and then say something about it. It hurts being rejected okay. A lot. Some people actually kill themselves over it (fools..).

Now I'm not sure why I'm ranting about me, since I'm supposed to talk about that friend of mine. Poor girl, she had some high expectations. The only thing I could tell her in my drunken state last night is that she doesn't need this guy. In fact she doesn't need to be involved with anyone. At least not right now. The problem is that sometimes we convince ourself that we need to be with someone else to be complete. That's a big fat lie, perpetrated by tradition & pop culture and reinforced by our social norms. Think about it, how many people do you know stick to bad relationship just so they could say they have a girlfriend/boyfriend ?

So am I against it ? Falling in love and all that. Not at all but it's not the end of the world if you're not involved. That's all.

Gee I hope there's a point there somewhere.

And having a half bottle of vodka all to myself is a good thing (especially if there's orange juice).

Here endeth the rant.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

Miscellaneous Miscellany

Yet another busy night that went by like a blur. This is quite peculiar, I'm usually never this busy two nights in a row. But it sure beats being bored. And those Dell GX270s that I've been deploying are sweet, sweet machines. If only I could get that awesome Dell casing for myself.

I'm also not going to post at AfterOphelia Communal Blog today. At least I'm not going to rip this entry. I've been doing that the last few posts. I'm going to write something different for that. The thing is I gotta come up with something good to post there. The posts there are a challenge to match.

Talking about good posts and blogs, I have been searching for good blogs by servicemen who are serving/have served in Iraq the last few days. I found this. It's quite good. I also found a few others but I haven't really read them. Not enough time.

Add those blogs to the Iraqi citizen blogs that I discovered and it paints quite an interesting picture. And because of that picture, the stuff I read in the news now feels a little biased and lopsided, regardless the source (CNN, Al-Jazeera, local media etc). Reading these blogs give a different perspective to things happening around us and the people involved. Things aren't always what they seem to be on the news...

In other (un)related heppenings, I went out with a friend on Wednesday. It was weird. That was the first time I went out without driving in over a month. We went to this nice eating place opposite SMK PJ called Haza Cafe (I think). They got awesome Nasi Paprik ! Later we went to Coffee Bean and I had a chocalate chip muffin and something called the White Chocolate Dream Iced Blended. That stuff is strong. I could actually feel the blood vessel in my head dilating while trying to suck the thing down through the straw. Thick.

It's nice that there's another gourmet coffee shop in Kuching in addition to Seattle. But I kinda like Seattle more since the place is quieter, smaller and feels more personal. But Coffee Bean ain't so bad.

Two nights down, two nights to go. I'm not going to be too busy over the weekend. Let's hope those damn servers don't go down on me.

Also the Kuching Bloggers meet will be on next week. I'm kinda nervous about it. Am not very good at meeting new people. Could be fun !

It's almost check out time and I have to go soon. Gonna go home and play C&C Generals Zero Hour again. That game rocks !!!