Friday, September 28, 2007

A Good Start

I've been meaning to write about this a long time actually. As usual, I got distracted by sundry social activities.


Thanks Yasmin. As usual, you come up trumps with stuff like this.

As an Iban person, I'm pleased with this. Despite some problems with the language, it's a good start. The grammar is correct but the accent is wrong. You can't tell which Iban regional accent is being used. That's a big deal for us actually.

I guess Yasmin didn't have the luxury of time to get help with that.

Hopefully, the next time someone makes an ethnic commercial they can do it more authentically.

Lots of comments here, some less than positive. While I would suggest that we take the whole thing in perspective and recognize the work for what it is, I do understand why some of us react the way we do.

Obviously, everyone who is proud of their own culture and people wants to see an authentic representation of that culture in the mass media. Especially us Ibans as you can see.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the advert. I loved it really.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Last week, my wireless card died.

Right now I'm using a USB RT73 WiFi adapter, running a Ralink chip. It's not bad. I've had some misgivings about USB WiFi adapters before especially how stable it is when it gets hot. I'll find out soon. I'm wondering how long it will last. My PCI one lasted 14 months. Only.

Well, at least the USB adapter was kind off cheap.

Leon's Vostro 1500 arrived on Monday. It's a plain ole black notebook. Very OEM looking. Very businesslike and not at all flashy like some other notebooks out there. However...

... clocking in at RM4500++ his plain Jane Vostro is a rocket. With 5+ hours of 9 cell battery life. On max performance. 160Gb 7200rpm hard disk. 2 Gb dual-channel RAM. 2Ghz Core Duo. TrueLife 15.4" display. GeForce 8600GT dedicated graphics card.

That thing is actually a lot faster than both our desktop PCs.

I want one too... Dammit.

Of course not at RM4500 obviously. I already got my spec set up. It'll cost RM3400+.

Must find more work. Incidentally, I got a call back this Sunday so that's going to help a little.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Thing

I found some nice articles in the Borneo Post.

One is this one about depression.

Such a destructive beast clinical depression is. Yet so subtle that most people who have never gone through it will not understand. Not only that, some people will insist that the depressed person is just "acting out" and should stop it and "snap out of it".

If only it were that simple eh? Granted, some people use it like a weapon to get their way. But for most sufferers, it is the manifestation of Hell itself. Their own private Hell, the worst kind. It's like a cancer, except it doesn't kill you directly. It only turns you into an undead version of yourself, not really dead but not quite alive either. You're just... there, covered in your own darkness, mentally and sometimes physically trapped and paralysed.

I didn't read this stuff. I say these things from my own unfortunate experiences. Thankfully that's all in the past now. I was able to get help when I needed it.

I remember that time when I first thought about getting help. It was hard. But why is it hard? You get sick you go to the see the doctor and get yourself checked out right? Easy peasy right?

Here is one way that depression is so persistently dangerous.

Remember that movie The Thing? Where the alien organism will go to any lengths to protect itself? It was like that.

At the time, I agonized over my decision. On one hand, I knew I was in trouble and I had to go and do something. On the other hand, I felt this horrible guilt like it was all my fault that I was feeling the way I did. That somehow, I had to keep feeling that way as punishment for all the mistakes that I've done. I also felt bad because if I went to get help that was an admission of defeat, that I was too weak to deal with it like any other self-respecting male person. Yet more reason for me to feel worthless and shameful.

I had a whole host of other similar, guilt ridden thoughts. In the end, the MA at the factory was the one who asked me to see our inhouse doctor who in turn shoved a letter in my hand and ordered me to see a specialist, costs be damned.

Looking back, those doubts and guilt wasn't coming from me. It sounded like me and it felt like I was thinking those things but it kind of wasn't me at all. It was "The Thing". It was almost like "the organism" was trying to "protect itself". Almost as if "it" knew that if I went to get help, it would be destroyed and it was trying to save itself like a parasite clinging to its host.

Yes, yes that's a bizarre analogy I know. But for lack of something better, it's entire accurate and it reflects what happened exactly.

Now? I can't describe how good "normal" feels. Normal isn't boring at all. And the silence in my head, with no more things telling me how unworthy and how weak I am, is worth a million bucks. My only regret was that I didn't do this sooner.

So there it is. If you, dear reader, are feeling perpetually sad or worthless or angry or harried or stressed, if you cut yourself and tried to blank out the rest of the world, if you feel like no one cares.

Go get help. It's not normal for people to feel helpless or angry or sad or worthless or guilty or any other kind of negative emotion ALL the time.

If you hear yourself saying that you don't need help, that you are strong enough and that you are a fool for thinking about getting help, beware. It might not be you that's thinking that. It might be your "Thing"

Depression is dangerous. Please take it seriously. Worse comes to worse, if you can't afford a specialist, go to the Policlinic and get referred to the hospital. It's better than nothing.

Here endeth the public service announcement.

The other article, I read in today's paper. A really good one about the national day argument. Is it 44? Is it 50? It also mentions some differences between "us" (East Malaysians) and "them"(Orang Melaya, Peninsular Malaysians).

Please read the article. It's good and written in a sober, reasonable way. It echoes my thoughts exactly. If I were more eloquent, I would love to sound like that.

I do have some stories to tell regarding the article.

But this post is getting long, so those stories will be for another post on another day.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Thanks a lot Roman.

By getting pissed off at your manager and sacking him ("mutual consent" my ass) you just gave Man Utd a clear run to the title this year with no one close enough to stop them. No, I don't think Liverpool will be strong enough.

Sacking Jose was a huge, huge mistake. Huge. If Roman thinks running a football club is the same thing as running his other businesses, he is going to be in for a rude, rude shock.

I wonder who Jose's replacement will be. Whoever it is, he'll have his work cut out for him for Chelsea's first game with a caretaker manager will be against...

...Manchester United.

Will Chelsea be able to bounce back from a chaotic week to match Man U? Seriously. Sir Alex must be rubbing his hands with glee at the moment.

Ah well. I guess for me the only thing left to watch this season is Keano's Sunderland and Fernando Torres. The title is as good as gone. Oh yes, and watching Sven and Man City will be quite interesting.

The rest of us will have to put up with more smugness from Man U's legion of poser "fans" for another season.


Talking about that, I read with some amusement how some people have this bizarre notion that turning this country into a theocracy will somehow turn it into a morally upright utopia, full of religiously pious people, free from crime and err "social problems" and decadence and moral decay and things like that.

Idiots. People have done the theocracy thing in the Middle Ages. Did it work? No it didn't. What the hell makes people think it'll work now?

The problems in society have nothing whatsoever to do with religion ok? No amount of religious huffing and puffing is going to solve poverty, inequality and lack of opportunity, which are some of the REAL causes of social problems.

Are these people in denial? Or trying to score brownie points with their respective Gods?

Damn, I better stop thinking about this. Ok fine, people have rights to their own opinion. Fair enough. Well, this is my opinion on their opinion. So there.

Ok enough of that stuff. Lighter stuff now.

This is quite funny. I got it from Neatorama.

And I found a video of Emma Watson singing!

Actually no. But close enough, really. I was reading this just now. Watch the video. Her name is Melody Ruiz. She is Spanish. She looks quite a lot like Emma Watson. She does.

On the personal front, my Airplus G PCI WiFi card has died I think. It intermittently fails to pick up my network and when it does pick it up, my CPU usage goes up to 100%. Time to buy another one. I hope prices have gone down.

It's a good thing I have my dad's notebook to surf the Net with.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Blacked Out

There's no power at my house at the moment. Apparently, SESCO has decided to do some kind of maintenance work today. The power will be out until 6.00pm. It's a good thing I have many errands to run.

It was very boring at home just now. All of the things I do involve electricity it seems.

At Coffee Bean right now. Haven't been here in a long while. Very quiet here which is not surprising since it's fasting month. The network speed is very good, again probably because not many people are here now.

Damn, I wish this damn notebook had a 6 cell battery instead of a measly 4 cell.


I bought Medal of Honor: Airborne just now. Really looking forward to it. When the power comes back of course. Haven't played a good shooter in a long, long time. I'm actually thinking about skipping tonight's appointment.

Another thing I did has something to do with FM2007.

Just for a lark I started a game where I manage Man Utd. See here's the thing. I hate Man U. Really, really. So one can imagine my surprise when I find that I'm actually enjoying managing them. I also suddenly notice that their 2006/2007 squad is very thin when compared to some of the rivals in the Premier League.

Doing quite well at the moment. With my recently discovered understanding of the game's tactical side, my Man U have the meanest defense in England. Hehe. We don't score many goals but we don't concede a lot either.

As one can tell, I'm talking about games. That means life is quite uneventful at the moment. Even at work. Things have calmed down and going back to normal.

Oh yeah, I got slightly ill last few days. Goddamned flu. I guess that's the most exciting thing that happened to me recently.

On Saturday, I go to my final appointment with The Doc. I haven't had any meds in the last 4 days. I feel perfectly fine. No sign of anything coming back.

I feel quite good about that.

Ok then, excuse me while I finish my Southern Blend Iced Tea. Have a good day.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Mostly Filler

It's near the middle of September and my post count for this month is a measly four. I've said this before but I was more prolific when I was upset and depressed. Not that I'm complaining, of course.

September will turn out to be an important month for me at work and outside of work. New employer at work, vastly larger than the old one. Really looking forward to seeing what will develop here.

Outside, this month is when my final appointment with The Shrink is scheduled. The verdict is quite clear. As far as I'm concerned, I'm free. I've won my life back. No words can describe my relief. This is the best thing I've done ever.

So, now that I can't angst out a post like I used to, what do I write about? No, I'm not going to write about shit in the paper. As far as I'm concerned, as long as those things don't happen here I don't care. Does that make me a bad citizen? I don't care.

Well, I'm still kinda excited about computer gadgets actually. I'm looking at the MacBook. It's gorgeous. And powerful. And small. And unfortunately, quite expensive.


Aside from that, things are pretty peaceful around here as it's always been.

I guess that's all I have for now. Hopefully, I can find something to be excited about soon. If not, I'm going to have to write about games and computer stuff again...

PS. The Mac Mini is awesomely cool. And affordable!

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Over the last two weeks or so, I've been getting a lot of queries from friends who want to buy notebooks. So I've been doing a lot of research.

One of them already ordered his. One of them is still weighing some options. I haven't talked to one more guy.

To be honest, I'm kinda new to this mobile computing thing being the hardcore desktop user that I am. But recently, I've been using my dad's Inspiron 1501 quite a lot. Mainly for pottering about the house, surfing the net while I watch the History channel. Or ESPN. Or downloading drivers and other stuff while doing troubleshooting. Or lounging about at Starbucks.

I must say having a notebook AND a desktop at the same time is very convenient. Even more convenient is the fact that my house has a WiFi access point (protected by a WEP key unlike so many other people's).

The idea of all my friends buying notebooks fills me with joy. If enough people have notebooks then we can have a LAN party at my house without having to lug around our (relatively) gigantic 17" CRT and 19" LCD displays and various casings and mice and keyboards and etc. Plus not all my computer using friends have WiFi ready desktops.

Anyway, I've been doing so much reading on notebooks that I'm actually contemplating getting one myself. Not so soon though, there still stuff that I haven't paid up yet. But a notebook buy is definitely on the cards. That way I won't have to use my dad's notebook anymore.

I'm messing around with the Dell customizers on their website and am playing around with something that costs about RM3500 from 2 base models, the Inspiron 1520 and the Vostro 1500.

I managed to build two equally mouth watering specs costing around RM3490+. 2 Gbs dual channel RAM. Dedicated GeForce 8400M GS graphics card. 160Gb hard drive. DVD combo drive. 15.4 inch display. 9 cell battery. Nearly enough power to rival my desktop.

The Inspiron has a webcam and comes in many different colour kits but the Vostro is more damage resistant.

I can't decide!

Geek excitement aside, I'll probably be able to afford one or the other in December. That means no PSP... Oh well.

Oh yes, why Dell? Why not Sony, Fujitsu, Acer, HP, Lenovo etc etc? Well, I have some really good experience with Dell products. The company I work for uses Dell a lot and I'm very familiar with their local tech rep. Plus, to be honest when it comes to notebook stuff Dell is pretty hard to beat.

Ok then, I'm at the office and don't have much to do at the moment. Time to look for more notebook reviews...

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Boring Sunday

It's very boring today. In some ways I'm relieved. I'm not quite as busy as I was over the last three days. Most people have already been set up with their new mail settings for the new company.

Things are beginning to settle down here. Most of the initial panic surrounding our takeover has subsided especially after the people started getting their new letters of appointment. I guess they finally believe that the new company is NOT out to rip them off and turn them all into undead slaves.

I laugh when I remember all them rumours.

Anyway, I'm still bored. I wish I had brought my notebook to the office. I could have played FM2007. No I don't feel like doing any research work today.

In lieu of FM, Facebook will have to suffice.

Talking about FM, I may have finally gotten the tactical side of the game down finally ater 1 year of playing it. Can't wait for the new FM to come out. I plan to buy the original.

Tomorrow I don't have work. I'm relishing the thought of waking up late.

Well, apart from the takeover thing there ain't much else to write about. Things are relatively quiet.

Oh yes, there is one thing. I'm starting to taper off my meds. No side effects and no relapse so far. In fact, last week I forgot to take my pills three days in a row. No ill effects at all.

Whisper it quietly, but I'm I'm almost certain that I have beaten my demons. Permanently.

Here's to hoping.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Whiskey Delta

Today was one of the most chaotic, busiest, maddest day I've had at work. Incidentally, the company that I used to work for no longer exists officially from today.

I now work for a gargantuan, humongous, hardware producing company with facilities in such diverse locations as Ireland, Dubai, Thailand and of course Malaysia. It was a strange thing to open up the company phone guide excel document and see literally tens of thousands of names.

Hopefully, I'll continue to do well and make a decent living out of working for this humongous multinational corporation.

I still wonder about staff discounts. The company makes some nifty products I wouldn't mind having. Not to mention a partnership program with Dell which offers some nice discounts.

Anyway, I'll continue to be extremely tied up helping panicking users migrate to their new email accounts and logon profiles and what not. Not to mention the behind the scenes server work. We haven't even started on that one yet.

I was initially quite nervous about the takeover but today I find myself marvelling at how well known the new company is and how interesting it is to be working for an employer this huge.

Hopefully the future will be good.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Four Months Left

September already. Four months left this year. Been a good year so far.

I'm looking forward to next Thursday. Next week when I come in to work, it will be with a different employer. Same location, same job but different and much, much bigger company. Takeover will be completed by then.

During the last post, I talked about being in an open relationship. I thought about it again and I've decided that I'm not really in one, yet. I'm not being reciprocated, one could say. I don't really mind. We've already talked about this. I wish it would happen though. I would be nice if it did.

Anyway, this morning I was watching videos on YouTube. Specifically iPhone review videos.

From what I can see and read about, the iPhone is bloody awesome. If it was available in Malaysia I think it would cost around RM2500/- for the 8Gb version I think. That's quite reasonable if you ask me, considering the functionality that comes in the package.

I love the touchscreen and the QWERTY virtual keyboard. I text a lot and a QWERTY keyboard would be really nice. I also like the iPod functions and wifi connectivity. Very nice. All the other stuff is really cool too. Freaking brilliant.

However if the phone is tied to any one provider like it is in the US, count me out. I don't really fancy being held hostage by a phone company. I want to be able to use my sim card with any damn phone I want, thank you very much.

A good motivation to work more hours and get extra money if you ask me. Sadly it looks like I must choose between either a PSP or an iPhone. I can't afford to get both, at least not simultaneously.

Damn, I need more money.