Saturday, December 29, 2007
I had a quiet Christmas. That would be because on the 23rd one of our relatives suddenly passed away. So no festivities this year.
Still, I did go visiting and it was ok on the whole.
I do like what I got myself for Christmas though. I went out and got myself an AMD64 X2 4800 and a GeForce 8600 GT. Brilliant. I can actually play Crysis and it runs at a respectable detail level at a good framerate. I can play some of my older games at full detail with anti aliasing on.
I've finally got myself a dual CPU PC. It's interesting. I'm sure there's a lot I must learn about multi processor machines. The extra power means exploring stuff that I used to play on low detail and see how it looks like on high detail. The dual processor also helps with FM2008. It's noticeably faster now. The downside to all this extra power is that my computer's temperature has gone up.
My next two home computing projects are:-
1. Dual channel RAM
2. Dual hard disk stripe RAID
These ones are for next year I guess. For some of you, I guess all this techno talk is rather dull. You have my apologies.
No girl trouble this year unfortunately, so no emo posts. Yet.
So I've been keeping myself occupied. I've also been offline for the pass 4 days so it was a complete and much needed time off from... well, everything.
I'll be quite busy in January and will continue to be busy as long as we remain short handed.
I hope the last few days of the year will be good for all of us.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A bit tricky this one, took a bit longer than Facebook but the delay was caused by Flickr not Flock. The quick upload feature isn't too bad. Just make sure your photo sharing accounts are logged in before using it to avoid problems. The "web clipboard" is quite useful too.
The problem is the initial setup might be a little too much for some users.
Hopefully in the future, Flock will support more image sharing sites like Picasa.
My conclusion is Flock is an ideal browser for the avid blogger\social website user.
Will do more testing. Yes, I don't have much to do this morning at the office...
Blogged with Flock
Can you see this? So far, Flock's pretty neat as far as support for social stuff. Am still getting used to everything.
It has one weakness so far. No integration for Picasa. If you want to use the built in editor and upload images, it's only doable if you have Flickr or Photobucket or a Flock account apparently.
Anyway, more testing in progress.
Meanwhile, on the left is a screencap with all the social websites supported.
Blogged with Flock
I'm downloading it right now to try out. I use Firefox but we'll soon see how this one stacks up. Anyway, if you're a heavy social website user this should be a very useful browser.
I'm at work today and will be at work tomorrow. Christmas is next week. I have some time off. I won't be having any wild parties. I'll just hang out and rest. It's been a tiring couple of months.
I reinstalled GTA: San Andreas again and playing it with the graphics settings totally maxed out. It's excellent. It's also a little bit easier than I remembered. Probably because the game doesn't lag at all this time. That's what I'll be doing if I'm not going out.
Boy, I'm feeling really tired these days. I feel like going on holiday. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances at work that won't be possible well into next year...
Tired or not, overall it's been a good year like I mentioned in my last post. Hopefully the last week of the year will be just as good.
After that, we'll have January. The month of Mondays....
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
This morning the air was very, very clear. It was quite a pleasant drive home, despite the senseless yakking of Mix FM DJs coming from my speakers. Oh yeah, that He Says She Says segment on Mix is a terrible idea and completely not funny. These days we are supposed to promote understanding between men and women, not split them apart by playing the blame game. It doesn't help at all and it's a really stupid idea, in my opinion. Anyway...
It struck me how close we are to the end of what is turning out to be a pretty good year. It is the year I got myself back after so many previous years of being burdened by dysthymia. No, life hasn't gotten any better or easier than it used to be actually. There are still things that suck balls in this life.
The difference is that I no longer feel like wanting the ground to open and swallow me up. Even with all the crap that's happening and the strife of daily existence, at least I don't feel helpless anymore. Like I can make some kind of difference. Whether I can or not is a completely different story though.
I do realize some things can't be changed, certain actions can't be taken back and certain mistakes are terminal and that you will spend your whole life paying for them. I was thinking this morning maybe life is fair after all in the long run. Maybe the reason why I can't get certain things to happen in my life is because I'm just not up to standard.
It's like sports. You can try hard but if you're simply not good enough you can't win no matter how hard you try.
The difference these days is that truths like that no longer plunge me into a dark place. It's the truth after all. Accept it and no need to get upset over it.
Anyway, for me 2007 is a year of drastic change and freedom from the personal prison that I've been in. It is a year to be grateful for and to be pleased about. Christmas is next week and I'm on leave as usual this time of year. I hope to relax and be happy with people who are important to me.
Next year? I hope 2008 is the year I make up for lost time. Despite my own feelings about it, I hope it's not too late to salvage some of those lost plans. It will be a long road again. Only this time, I'm really looking forward to it. This time there is no demon trying to trip me up.
It's nice to not be depressed anymore.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Produced by the same team responsible for games like Diablo 2, the game is bloody brilliant. It works like Diablo 2 too. Diablo 2 was a simple but oddly addictive game that can be played over and over and over again. Now imagine the same thing but in 3d and in 3rd/1st person perspective.
Just like Diablo2 the object of the game is quite simple; kill demons and save the world.
I'm playing a Marksman character at the moment. No magic, just guns. I love the idea of using guns against demons from Hell. Kinda makes me feel like Blade hehe..
I also like the how the game is set in London.
Anyway for those of you who loved Diablo and Diablo 2, this game will be right up your alley. I'm actually thinking about getting this game original. The thought of playing this thing multiplayer makes me drool.
It'll have to wait though. I have Christmas shopping to do first. Or maybe I could integrate this with the rest of my shopping? Hehehe..
I got this game on Sunday. I also got Crysis. Looks pretty cool too. No rush to play it though, Hellgate will keep me busy for at least a month. I'll probably install it when I change my graphics card, which will happen when my check clears. Which is taking too long to be honest. Must call admin and chase after this, I need my dual core CPU and 8600GT fast!
In other news, I haven't done much lately aside from playing games and drooling over other people's notebooks. Not that I don't enjoy it of course.
Even during my off days I'm kinda tired. Ever since that colleague of ours quite, I've had to come back to work for a good number of days. Tiring. So, I plan to buy something kool with the extra money that I'll be getting.
The question is: What eh?
Ok, must get back to work now...
PS: I've read some very bad reviews about the multiplayer part of Hellgate. So I guess I won't be playing it multiplayer then.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I'm an ex-Thomian. Many of my friends, including many Muslims, are ex-mission kids as well. So, obviously this kind of bullshit makes me want to tear my hair out. I'm very certain that many of my former schoolmates aren't happy to hear about this either, regardless of race and creed.
How am I supposed to react to this kind of thing?
How on earth is this kind of talk tolerated in Parliament? No wait, I know why. These people are UMNO stooges. No way is anyone going to do anything about it. If you are an UMNO stooge, everyone and his dog knows that means you can say whatever the fuck you want. Especially when you talk about people who are not UMNO members. Especially Chinese people.
Many people wrote blog posts calling for some kind of action against the two MPs who brought this up. *Snort* You know and I know nothing will be done about this. UMNO bah... If you read all the stuff about this, you will also note that they are not the least bit concerned about people's reaction.
Even more sad is when I think of those people who would actually agree with these two. Poor uncle Max, he tries so hard to create programs to increase racial integration in this country.
Sorry uncle, not if people like these two keep getting voted into office.
If you were to look deeper into the matter, this is just a symptom of an even bigger problem. There are people in this country (specifically those people who vote racist, bigoted idiots like these into office) who hate the fact that they are so many non-Muslims around. I know, I've met them.
We must prevent these people from gaining too much power. The question is, will the sane half of the country prevail? Or will the country split down the middle just like some countries in the Balkans back in the 90s?
To be honest, if it did happen I wouldn't mind at all. At least I won't have to call UMNO bastards my fellow countrymen anymore if that were to happen...
By the way, I know that the Deputy Education Minister already quashed this motion. That's not the point of this post. The point of this post and my unhappiness is the fact that this matter was brought up in the first place...
Truly, this is evidence that brains are optional if you want to be a Member of Parliament.
Finally, I want to say one last thing. UMNO people often say that they know amuk and other violent stuff like that if they are challenged. So I guess if they "amuk" other people just sit still and let them do it? Is that what they think?
Well, I would like to tell UMNO that you people aren't the only ones who can get violent and people are not just going to sit there and do nothing.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Firstly, some news from work. Our new boy has been offered another opportunity to work for far more money. From the outside. Looks like we'll need to look for another new boy\girl. Which also means that I'll have to play teacher to said new boy\girl. Which means work overtime and less time to hang out and do nothing.
I went to the PC fair yesterday. It was BIG. Much bigger than the last one. I'm not sure how cheap it was though. It really doesn't matter much since a lot of consumer computer stuff these days is quite cheapish already to begin with.
It's still amazing how notebook prices have fallen. A brand new notebook costing a mere RM1700 would have been impossible only a year ago. I saw one low spec notebook at the fair going for about that much and when I say low spec I mean relatively speaking. For most people, even the most "sluggish" Celeron or Sempron notebook will have more than enough horsepower to handle most regular computer work. As long as you have enough RAM. RAM is life! Especially if you want to run MS Vista!
The great news is that RAM is so cheap at the moment it's bordering on the absurd. So in conclusion, now is a really good time to get into mobile computing.
Hard disks are extremely cheap these days too. I mean, RM285 for 350Gb? Sounds pretty good to me...
And the various types of flash memory are getting cheaper as well. Except for XD cards which are crazy expensive (1Gb = RM160!). I bought two USB drives yesterday, one for me and one for a friend. I got myself one of those teeny tiny Migo DT 2Gb Kingston mini drives. Despite knowing roughly how flash drives work, I'm mystified at how something so tiny can hold 2-4Gbs of data. It's bloody amazing when you think about it. For my friend, I got her a DT100 1Gb one. Quite nice and very simple.
It just occurred to me that I have a total of 4Gb of space with me all the time, 2 in my phone (M2 card which is smaller than my pinky fingernail) and 2 in the USB drive attached to my keychain...
I also bought a card reader. 15 bucks. Very cheap again.
I bumped into some friends and one of them just ordered a HP notebook. It's one of those tablet ones with the swivelly screen. Good deal at 2.7k. And I just found out yesterday that you can use a stylus directly on the display...
And all those brand new graphics cards...
Yeah, I had a good time at the fair yesterday and I could write thousands of words about it, which I won't because I'm at the office and I have to do some work.
I'm going back to the fair later to arrange an upgrade for my DSL connection. It's getting bumped up to 1Mbps.
A pretty good start to December I think...
Saturday, December 01, 2007
The only thing I can think right now is the weather. It's been raining and raining and raining... It's a good thing I actually quite like rain.
What else eh?
I've been watching Dogfights videos on Youtube. Very cool. The computer generated scenes remind me of games like Ace Combat on PS2 and Il2 Sturmovik which I'm contemplating of reinstalling. I'm holding off for the time being while I wait for my PC upgrade check to come out. Like I expected it's been delayed and hopefully it will come out next week. I'm getting really itchy for high detail on my PC. Once I get the new graphics card I will reinstall something like 100 Gb of old games...
I want to get a card reader. Using Bluetooth to transfer things to my PC is doable but too slow for my liking.
Last night I went to a family dinner. An annual affair featuring ourselves and my dad's sister and extended family. When I was a kid I used to sleep over their house all the time during school holidays.
One of my cousins had this scrawny little daughter some years back. I haven't seen her in a long time. I didn't realize just how long...
Last night I saw her again and she's not scrawny anymore... In fact, she has become quite the hottie. I'm actually quite proud to have a niece that hot, strange as that may sound. I can imagine the number of boys she has to fend off.
She brought along a friend and she wasn't bad either.
From scrawny kid to very attractive young woman in what seems like a flash. If that's not a sign of time flying by I don't what is.
God, I feel so old at the moment.
Near the restaurant we were having dinner at was a gift shop with many giant statues of Jesus and Mary and other Christian paraphernalia. It made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.
Yes I'm beginning to feel the Christmas vibe. I hope it doesn't rain as much come Christmas.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I read something rather disturbing in the papers recently. A reader wrote a letter to this newspaper calling for censorship of suicide scenes in films and tv shows.
I shook my head when I read that letter.
Obviously, this kind of sentiment is a reaction to that 12 year girl who hung herself the other day. It's unfortunate and symptomatic to a bigger underlying problem affecting today's society.
The mass media is not one of those problems, no matter how hard some people insist that it is. Seriously.
Here we go again, more calls for censorship. It's as if censorship is the cure-all solution to every social woe that we have.
I notice this happens a lot. Whenever something negative happens involving kids, a lot of people say that censoring media is a solution. I understand how one may come to such a conclusion but I also know for a fact that mass media has nothing whatsover to do with social problems like suicide and violence. Many, many studies have indicated no direct link between entertainment and mass media and things that happen in real life. No need to link here, anyone with a brain and a working internet connection can look for this him/herself.
Censorship is a lazy "solution". That way at least some people will feel better because something was done. Even if it doesn't help at all. Frankly, it's ridiculous.
To say that someone committed suicide because of something that was shown on TV is a crazy notion. Suicide is something much, much more serious than that. Whether or not TV and films are censored, the unfortunate fact is that people will still kill themselves if they are stressed or desperate enough.
No, I don't buy the reasoning that suicide portrayed mass media makes suicide more appealing. I don't think it's logical to say that people will consider suicide is to be "cool" if they see it on TV. Do you know anyone who tried to kill him/herself because he/she saw it on TV? That's right. No one.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Mass media is a convenient scapegoat for lazy people who can't/won't address the actual causes of the problems they see. When things like violence and suicide and other social problems occur, the problem is with the individual who commits the act and not with mass media.
Millions of people have watched violent movies, played violent computer games and read violent literature. Out of this millions of people, how many have been driven to violence by these things?
Would it really make any difference if there was no violence in mass media? Some people would like to think so but seriously? Would it make a difference? It won't. Because these kinds of problems come from within society itself. In fact, I feel that the violence found in films, TV and other forms of entertainment is a reflection of the violence and other problems in our society.
Art imitates life. Not the other way around. Such a simple fact and yet...
This is getting rather long and rambly. My point is if people really want to address issues like suicide amongst youth and other issues, they should stop making dumb suggestions like censoring mass media and deal with the actual causes of the problem.
People really need to stop blaming mass media for everything and start taking more responsibility for the things that happen around them.
Enough of this shit. And now for the things that really matter: games!!
Need For Speed: Prostreet is bloody awesome. It's the best Need For Speed game yet!
It may not be a car simulator like Gran Turismo but damn it's fun! And it looks gorgeous too. I just wished it featured more cars and more real world locations. To be honest, that's my only real complaint. That and the game's physics engine doesn't work as well as some other racing games' engine when it comes to capturing the "feel" of driving. Compared to the cars in Gran Turismo 4, the cars in Prostreet feel a bit more "dead" if you know what I mean. But to be fair, Prostreet doesn't make any claims about being a realistic simulator so this is no issue for me.
Complaints aside, the game rocks and I heartily recommend it to racing sim enthusiasts. Oh yes, the game needs quite a powerful rig to run with all the graphic bells and whistles on. I myself have to play in in medium/low detail right now. We''ll see how awesome it looks like when I upgrade to a GeForce 8600GT...
In yet more gaming news for those of us who play Football Manager 2008 and it's variants, the official 8.01 patch is out. The patch features many minor fixes but the biggest fix are updates for the match engine. It fixes the "closing down" bug which is the single biggest issue that was plaguing the game when first it came out. So go and download it. It really, really helps.
The patch is available from the Sigames website.
That's all for today. Time to get back to work. Have a good Sunday.
PS: I found a cool list of the 50 greatest fictional weapons of all time! Go and read.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Unfortunately as is usual in my household the circumstances of that discovery was not very good.
A few weeks prior I had requested a report from the doctor about the results of the treatment. Incidentally, the doc says I had dysthymia. Which was exactly what I thought it was. So how did Mother find out?
I told her.
This post has gone through a number of rewrites and I've decided to keep the details of the circumstances to myself. All I can say is now both my parents know what I feel about the things they do and that they should back off, for the love of God.
Now that they know, does it mean that things will change around the house? I would like it very much if it did but I don't think it ever will. Force of habit is very strong and to expect changes in the near future is simply asking for too much.
I guess things may never change at all. Perhaps that's just my fate, punishment for whatever unforgivable sin I may have committed.
I'll just get on with it then.
I got to thinking about the story so far, so to speak. If I were to write a book about myself, how would it sound like? I somehow feel that it would be a story of survival. Of making do with what is at hand.
So how would it end? Will there be a happy ending?
As much as I try to keep positive and be optimistic, I can't help but feel that the end would not be a happy one. I'm in my mid 30s now and I've only just begun to pick up the pieces. No thanks to depression and emotional problems.
When I was a kid, I made some plans and by my current reckoning, I'm about 10-12 years behind schedule.
I don't really feel sad about it. It's just like that, I guess. There's no longer any use lamenting all that wasted time.
It's not all bad though. At least I'm able to enjoy myself now without any unnecessary weight. Being free from misery and depression makes it all so much more worthwhile.
Like I said before, I only wished that I did it sooner...
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I was reading Kenny's blog and felt compelled to leave a rather long comment about what he wrote. This is not the first time that I've done it and not only at Kenny's either. I suddenly wondered why I like to talk and think about relationship and express opinions about it as if I'm some kind of expert.
I'm no expert obviously. Most of the opinions I express are based on theory. When you think about it, it's kind of sad. Most of it is just theory. How would I react if someone disagreed with me and put me on the spot?
I could quote stats and other peoples' experiences but is that as strong as personal experience?
Yes, if someone asked me to "back it up" it would be rather embarrassing because to be honest I got nothing to back up all these things I write about relationships. Especially about what makes it work. As if...
I sometimes scoff at people for making terrible mistakes in the relationships but suddenly I thought what right have I to do that?
They may be the ones making the mistakes but they are the ones who managed to start a relationship. Unlike some overly opinionated people.
I guess one could say that this post is a reminder for myself to back off a bit and let people who have the practical experience talk about what works and what doesn't. Especially on what works. I may have my opinions but damned if I know if any of it is true.
Except maybe what NOT to do in relationships. That, I have plenty of practice. It's something I need to remember.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
See the photo. It's quite clear and sharp no? It was taken from my car while I was driving home yesterday morning. The car was moving at a good rate of speed.
I was testing the K800i Cybershot cam image stabilization and quick shoot function. I simply flipped open the lens cover, pointed the phone at the road side and hit quick shoot (the joystick). I did not look through at the viewfinder and I did not have to hold down the regular shoot button. In other words, I didn't endanger myself or other road users while carrying out this experiment...
Judging from the photo, the test result was very satisfactory don't you think?
Yes, I finally received my phone from my colleague on Monday evening. Overall, I'm very satisfied with it.
After a few days of fiddling with it, there are many things I like about the K800i.
Obviously, there's a camera which is the number 1 reason why I wanted a K800. Most camera phones are phones with cameras built into them. This one however is a camera with a phone built into it. A camera bearing the Cybershot name has quite a lot to live up to and the K800 cam has no trouble maintaining that rep.
It's got everything a camera is supposed to have. I especially like the quick shoot function. Point and click, no setup needed and the resulting image will be top notch most of the time.
Media players are bog standard features of practically every phone these days. Obviously, the K800i comes with it. The sound quality is awesome, especially with hands free earphones. The external speakers ain't bad either although I wager the Sony Ericsson W series will have better media features.
Still, the media player on the K800i is enough for me. It's nothing fancy but it works quite well.
I love the radio tuner on this thing. At least now I can listen to the radio at the office. Especially on nights like this.
I like the keypad. After many years of using the small keypad on the L6 a large keypad is a breath of fresh air. It's nice to text with and I text a lot.
The rest of the phone is pretty standard obviously and some other features I haven't really explored yet. Overall it's a nice phone and it has exactly what I want, no more, no less.
However, there are a few things that's not so good about it.
One thing, the OS isn't the most user friendly thing in the world. I wish it had a "Home" key. Without a Home key, I have to keep pressing the "Back" button until I get to the main screen. That's a lot of button pressing particularly if you're going through a lot of submenus to fiddle with settings.
I wish the screen was tougher. The K800i screen is a little fragile and will scratch rather too quickly for my taste unlike the L6 screen. I guess I'm going to have to buy a screen protector.
And an external case to protect the rest of the phone. The phone feels quite plasticky and kinda fragile so I wouldn't drop it on a hard surface. No such worry with my old L6 which did survive being dropped many times and feels quite tough, what with it having an aluminum case and all that.
Despite all that, the pros outweigh the cons by a ton so I would still heartily recommend this phone to anyone who wants a high quality camera phone.
At Rm850/- brand new, I think it's a freaking bargain considering it's capabilities.
Now excuse me while I go to Zedge.net and download themes and other stuff for my new phone...
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The dinner was quite nice. All of our friends were there. The setup was very impressive. Hopefully my wedding dinner will run as smoothly as that. If it ever happens that is.
While we were having dinner, I told a story of yet another dinner I went to some time ago. That one wasn't too smooth. Especially when the parents of bride and groom hijacked the function and turned it into "our-families-are-better-than-you-all-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh".
I wasn't very impressed by that. It's one thing to be proud and pleased about your family and another thing hijack your kids wedding function while doing so. How inconsiderate...
It's a good thing that the bride and groom were very understanding about the whole thing. I pitied them though. That wedding dinner was supposed to be about them not the parents.
In the end, it didn't matter. The two of them are very happy and that's all that counts. Again, it couldn't happen to nicer people.
I'm lucky that way. I know a lot of very nice people. My only hope is that I can be as nice to them as they are to me.
In other news, I've been a very bad blogger.
It's getting harder to motivate myself to blog. I used to blog a lot about my feelings but these days I feel quite pleased and contented and therefore have much less to whine about. I occasionally wrote about social and current issues but those topics stress me out. I get enough stress at work so I don't feel like getting more stressed out away from it.
So what do I blog about apart from games and gadgets? I know at least one friend who found my emotional, touchy-feely posts very, very entertaining. I guess she might be a little disappointed these days. Sorry honey, I guess we'll have to wait until the next time I get dumped...
Anyway, gadgets... Tomorrow I'm receiving my K800. Barely used. Cheap. Very nice. I'm happy.
Pretty soon I'll be getting a new graphics card, a Gigabyte GeForce 8600GT. I'm also getting a new AMD 64 X2 5000+ processor. My loan should come out either end of this month or early next month.
I consider it an early Christmas present.
This also means I have a used handphone, a used GeForce 7300GT graphics card and a used AMD Sempron 3000 to get rid of..
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Since I'm rather busy I haven't really gone out anywhere the last week or so. So obviously nothing to write. Again.
Oh yes, something did happen. My PC got infected by a freaking virus. Serves me right for not manually updating my antivirus for more than 3 days. Anyway, it took me three days of scanning and manually replacing files to get my system back up.
Now that it's ok again, I've been playing Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts.
It's bloody brilliant. RTS fans must try it. It's awesome.
It's awesome enough to make me contemplate upgrading my graphics card and processor again.
Talking of new stuff, I managed to snag a used K800i for cheap. I'm receiving the phone on Monday. I'm very excited.
I'm playing instructor to the new guy in our department. As tiring as it is, I find it oddly satisfying...
Saturday, November 03, 2007
I'm looking forward to the end of the year as usual. It promises to be quite a good end to a very, very good year thus far.
This is despite the fact that November will prove to be very tiring what with all the work days.
That's all I have to talk about unfortunately. Just work. I already talked about something else in the last post.
Apart from that everything is quiet here. The best part of this week still involves gaming. A few days ago, I got Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts. Very nice. I need a Directx 10 graphics card. And a dual core processor.
I have a wedding dinner to attend next week. I need to do some shopping.
I'm at work this weekend. Hopefully, everyone else's weekend will be better than mine..
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
There's this thing that a couple of pretty well known bloggers are doing. Some kind of contest involving perfume and based on comments people write about relations between men and women.
I laughed when I read some of the entries. Topics comparing men and women in relationships can be funny and exasperating at the same time. I had quite a good time reading. I'm not really surprised at how defensive some people are and how so many people are actually quite bitter about their lack of success. Some others are quite naive and still believe the boilerplate cop-out answers their parents gave them when they were teenagers.
Obviously my laughing doesn't mean that I'm some kind of expert in relationships. On the contrary, you won't find many men who are as inept as I am in it. Particular that part where I get fatally attracted to women who inevitably can't see me as their partner.
Yes, it still happens.
I was going out a lot with a particular girl recently. As interested as I was in her, I couldn't help but feel this sense of dread when I wanted to talk to her about... something. You know the feeling, like you're the watchman on board a ship about to hit a very, very large iceberg in the middle of a very, very cold night.
I wasn't at all surprised when she turned me down. I sort of knew it was coming. At least she was polite about it.
We still hang out and for both our sakes I try to turn off some of my feelings when I'm with her. It's doable but rather difficult.
I knew what was about to happen and yet why do I still go and do it? Beats the hell out of me. You'd think that I know better and the fact is I do know better, but I went ahead anyway.
Anyway, I helped her get a new job recently. I plan to slowly drift out of her life once she's settled. It's a hard decision but I think in the long run it's for the best I think. Hopefully she'll find happiness with the guy that she's currently really into.
As for me, I think I still need to fix my radar so to speak. I need to do something about it so I'll stop feeling things for people who can't feel the same way about me. It's a most frustrating thing. I'm not even sure if it's worth the effort. Despite all the things many well meaning friends tell me and despite my efforts to better myself, I still have this nagging feeling that I'll never get into an actual successful relationship. Sometimes I feel like I left it a little too late.
Like some people say, perhaps my path doesn't lie that way.
I don't really feel sad about it anymore. Occasionally, I get pissed off when I think about it but mostly I just feel unsurprised.
What does make me feel kinda sad is the stuff that one colleague keeps asking.
He's always asking whether I've slept with so and so. I haven't, so I say no. He then says that I'm wasting my time and money going out with her. Obviously, this guy is extremely successful with women. Extremely. On average, it takes him about 4 days/nights to convince a woman to sleep with him if he really puts his mind to it. Not just the desperate ones either.
I have no idea how he does it. While I have no intention of turning into a womanising jerk, I do wish it were that easy for me. I wish I knew what works.
Every time he accuses me of wasting my time and money going out with people who won't sleep with me, I feel very, very small. I shouldn't feel like that but I do.
I guess some people are built for it and some others aren't...
Friday, October 26, 2007
I don't have those shocks anymore after a few days rest. Ok one day rest. Yes, I'm at work again. Next month I'll have another 3 days of overtime to replace a colleague who's leaving while we train his replacement.
Thankfully enough, I have this weekend off so that's nice.
My original copy of FM2008 arrived in the mail yesterday. I was surprised at how fast it arrived..
Which is a good thing. I downloaded the game to try it out the other day and apparently, cracked versions of the game have quite a weird bug involving the European Championships. Hmm.
Unfortunately, that's not the only bug. The biggest, game killing-est one of all is the closing down bug which makes your players not want to take the ball of opponents. It sucks frankly. Especially now that I actually paid money to buy the original game...
Well, that's what happens when your publishing company wants a product to be out and such and such date, regardless of bugs and unresolved issues.
Despite all this, FM is still a fine game however. Especially now that the beta patch is out.
I also installed back Sims 2 again. And I'm also still playing Gran Turismo 4.
Considering how grueling October and November are, I'm glad I have this distractions...
Monday, October 22, 2007
I ordered my copy of FM2008 from tsb.com recently. But last night I thought what the hell. So I went and downloaded it.
How is it? Apart from one annoying bug (that fortunately has a simple workaround) it's bloody awesome. It's definitely much better than FM2007. It's much faster too in terms of running speed.
I now manage Northwich Victoria FC. It's a steep learning curve. The team is quite poor and the board expectations are a little.... ambitious shall we say, given the resources available. The match engine has changed and I have to relearn the whole thing again.
Despite the difficulties and the initial confusion I'm loving all the little details. For the first time, my assistant manager, coaches and scouts are actually helpful. This time around they actually provide me with feedback about my players.
In short, it's great. I'll be playing this for awhile for sure.
In other news, please check out Releaselog for your... errr... warez requirements.
I'm at home now and I'm tired. I intend to sleep my brains off after posting this.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I don't get it. I've been reading stuff on the net recently and there is something I don't quite get. As we all know, there's been a lot of negative talk lately about our cosmonaut or whatever it is they call him these days.
Quite a number of people think that the whole thing is a waste of money. While I don't quite agree I do understand where they are coming from with that argument. Other people are bringing up the usual race/religion issue when the doc got picked for the mission. While I sincerely hope that the doc was picked because of his potential as a cosmonaut and not due to political convenience, it's hard to totally dismiss that kind of argument. As long as our system stays the same, this kind of suspicion will always be around.
My opinion? He got picked because of qualification and potential. I could be wrong though I hope not.
Now, what I don't get is how some people are blaming our doc cum cosmonaut for the whole thing, as if it was his idea in the first place. Some people are actually saying that he should have rejected the offer on principle.
In my opinion, the people who blame the doc and expect him to do that are morons, frankly speaking.
There are many, many morons in this country. Many, many morons.
Yes, obviously a lot of people are rather unhappy with the way things are being run by the BN government. I'm rather critical myself actually. But some people take this dislike very, very far. Usually, these very same people also like to potray left wing opposition figures as saviours of our country. Are they?
In my opinion, no. In more ways than one, some of them are exactly the same as some of their BN counterparts i.e icons of raging insincerity. Especially near election. Like right now.
The resentment that I have for some BN reps is also the same resentment I have for some opposition reps. Maybe it's just me. I've always had this thing against authority.
But can you blame me, considering some of the crazy things that BN reps have said. Oh sorry, I meant UMNO reps. No I don't like them and no I don't trust UMNO. Sorry. But seriously, it feels like most of the crazy, cringe worthy shit have come from UMNO. I wonder why. It would be nice to have an UMNO member explain.
Opposition reps are not much different. Some of them take this check & balance thing a little too far by arguing about every damned little thing just because. They also like to say insane shit that don't make sense.
To be fair, I do know of many parliamentarians and state reps who try their damndest to Make Things Work(TM). You may find them on both sides of the fence. The don't make the papers
because they don't say crazy shit like some of the idiots from THAT organization.
They can say whatever they like so long as they don't accidentally cause riots and civil war by mouthing like they do. So long as my friends, family and I get to live the way we want they can do whatever the hell they want.
Election is near and I sincerely hope certain government parties take a battering. Some of them have become too arrogant and have been taking their constituents for granted. I'm not anti government by any means but I think it's time to teach them a lesson.
So, are you a registered voter? If not what are you waiting for? Do It.
That's enough for my rant today thanks.
I will now talk about happier things namely computer games. The final quarter of every year is always a good time for avid gamers because that is when most of the really good stuff comes out.
Already we have Company of Heroes: Opposing Force, which I don't have yet. I loved the first one and this 2nd one is more of the same awesome-ness I would think. I'm going to be looking for this next week.
Coming soon is Call of Duty 4. It's like all the other CODs, except it's not set in WW2. I love the Call of Duty series and I'm really looking forward to this one too.
Then there is Football Manager 2008 which apparently is already out. I just found out today actually. It's been out since the 18th. I've already placed my order with tsb.com. Hee hee.
Unfortunately, it's on back order so it could take awhile to arrive.
And then there is Need for Speed: Prostreet. Out in November. I've just noticed that I've mentioned four games from four different genres. Yes, I do like my games thank you very much.
I'm going to be quite busy during this final quarter. Sometimes, I feel relieved that I don't have a girlfriend to hog my precious quality gaming time.
Then again come to think of it, a girlfriend who is also an avid gamer would be great. After all there are a few games that I could think of that need at least two players. Preferably of different genders...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Especially on a night like this.
One week no update. There is nothing to update about really. Nothing interesting happened over the last week. Apart from the neighbour's cat getting stolen. Now they want to buy another cat...
I had to work over the Raya hols so I didn't do much. Went to Fariah's house on Sunday night and Zack's house the next night to fix his PC.
Half month gone and I'm still ok even with all the extra work. The money will come in handy. I've decided not to buy a new handphone. Yet.
These days I spend most of my time in front of the TV in the kitchen playing Gran Turismo 4. Needless to say, it's fun.
Also fun was Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. It was much more fun than I thought at first.
I went out last night too. I was supposed to go to Seattle but ended up at Barzing instead. It was ok. Just ok. I'm beginning to tire of going there actually. If it weren't for the company I would've stayed at home and finished my German Touring Car event in GT4.
Got some more overtime to do this week. Hopefully I'll have a good enough time and nothing disastrous happens in the office.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
It was nice.
Well, this month's crazed overtime schedule has started in earnest. I hope it will be over quick so I can devote more time to more important things. Like Gran Turismo 4. It's freaking brilliant. Words fail to describe how brilliant it is.
I'm apparently 17% into the game. I've gotten all the racing licences. I've gotten the hang of tuning and am actually taking the time to use the test tracks to tweak performance.
The game is bloody awesome I tell you. So yeah, my PS2 is very well used at the moment.
Our man in space is now in.... well, space. Obviously it's a huge deal for us Malaysians to have a qualified cosmonaut on duty at the International Space Station.
Lots of people think it's a waste of money. Lots of people think that the angkasawan is just a "tourist".
Well I guess it's not a surprise some people in this country have this kind of opinion. It's part of our very own cultural cringe. Still, people are entitled to their own opinion no?
My opinion? I think it's great that we have someone up there. It's always a dream for all of mankind to go forth and explore the reaches of space. It's great to finally participate in that dream. I think it'll be good for us as a nation and good for science too.
No, I don't think the good angkasawan is mere space tourist. He is a fully trained cosmonaut and he will be doing some tests while he is at the ISS.
He may not be a long term crew of the ISS but he's not just there for the ride either. Hopefully his experiments will be helpful to those UKM boffins who thought them up.
The other guy will be staying on in Russia and might go up next year or the year after that. It'll be good if he were to be accepted to become part of the ISS crew.
All in all, a good achievement we can all be proud of. My only concern is that this angkasawan programme will become a political toy during elections...
And that is what I think.
Yesterday evening, I went along with some friends to check out this handphone shop here in Tabuan Laru. Apparently they have a nice selection of refurbished phones. I thought "refurbished" meant "ancient" and "obsolete".
Ok, some of the phones on offer were in fact obsolete. At least they were cheap, something like 50 - 80 bucks a piece.
The think that caught my attention was the whole bunch of current phones available including Nokia N series and new model Sony Ericsons. Mostly going for 30% to 60% off their brand new price.
My friend picked up a nice Nokia 7390 for a mere RM810. Including 1Gb memory card. Now that's a good deal.
I'm actually thinking about changing phones now. I'm having doubts about the iPhone now. The cost is a bit prohibitive and I probably won't be using all its features so it might actually be a waste of money.
So now I'm looking for something a little simpler (and a LOT cheaper). I don't mind if it's used. A good camera would be nice. 2 mpx would be ok but more is always better. I also need something that can support at least 1Gb of external memory. Preferred form factor is candybar though I won't mind a clamshell phone if the price/features ratio is right. And of course, it must have all the basic phone and clock/calendar functions since I don't wear a watch anymore.
I don't need all the fancy stuff like PDA functions, apps, 3G stuff etc.
I think a phone like that should be easy to find these days for a fair price right?
Well, time to go and make a phone budget...
Monday, October 08, 2007
This whole month I will be working a lot of overtime. It's going to be tight.
I did a very good thing this week. I helped someone get a job.
Have a nice week then.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
At least I get overtime. I expect to get lots. I suppose that's a good thing even though I still cringe at the thought of all the extra work.
And so, to console myself I went ahead and bought a..err...console. On Sunday, I went and got me a PS2. Yes, after a hiatus of 16 years I finally bought a gaming console.
It was damn cheap too. Full set, plus extra controller and memory card, RM610/-
So far as is obvious, I'm having a blast playing GT4. No doubt about it, the Gran Turismo series is still the most authentic driving sim ever. I expect to be playing it a good long while. The game features 700+ cars from over 80 manufacturers.
Ace Combat Zero is a lot of fun too. I also have Tekken 5, Mortal Combat Armageddon and 2 Winning Elevens. And Tiger Woods' PGA Tour 08. I've been playing GT4 and Ace Combat most of the time.
It's quite nice to finally have a console again. I really like the idea of not having to install your game before playing it.
Life's been pretty good.
To ensure that my quality of life remains good, this afternoon I went and transfer nearly all my savings into my ASB account.
Excuse me, I have visitors. Continue later.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thanks Yasmin. As usual, you come up trumps with stuff like this.
As an Iban person, I'm pleased with this. Despite some problems with the language, it's a good start. The grammar is correct but the accent is wrong. You can't tell which Iban regional accent is being used. That's a big deal for us actually.
I guess Yasmin didn't have the luxury of time to get help with that.
Hopefully, the next time someone makes an ethnic commercial they can do it more authentically.
Lots of comments here, some less than positive. While I would suggest that we take the whole thing in perspective and recognize the work for what it is, I do understand why some of us react the way we do.
Obviously, everyone who is proud of their own culture and people wants to see an authentic representation of that culture in the mass media. Especially us Ibans as you can see.
Anyway, thanks a lot for the advert. I loved it really.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Right now I'm using a USB RT73 WiFi adapter, running a Ralink chip. It's not bad. I've had some misgivings about USB WiFi adapters before especially how stable it is when it gets hot. I'll find out soon. I'm wondering how long it will last. My PCI one lasted 14 months. Only.
Well, at least the USB adapter was kind off cheap.
Leon's Vostro 1500 arrived on Monday. It's a plain ole black notebook. Very OEM looking. Very businesslike and not at all flashy like some other notebooks out there. However...
... clocking in at RM4500++ his plain Jane Vostro is a rocket. With 5+ hours of 9 cell battery life. On max performance. 160Gb 7200rpm hard disk. 2 Gb dual-channel RAM. 2Ghz Core Duo. TrueLife 15.4" display. GeForce 8600GT dedicated graphics card.
That thing is actually a lot faster than both our desktop PCs.
I want one too... Dammit.
Of course not at RM4500 obviously. I already got my spec set up. It'll cost RM3400+.
Must find more work. Incidentally, I got a call back this Sunday so that's going to help a little.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
One is this one about depression.
Such a destructive beast clinical depression is. Yet so subtle that most people who have never gone through it will not understand. Not only that, some people will insist that the depressed person is just "acting out" and should stop it and "snap out of it".
If only it were that simple eh? Granted, some people use it like a weapon to get their way. But for most sufferers, it is the manifestation of Hell itself. Their own private Hell, the worst kind. It's like a cancer, except it doesn't kill you directly. It only turns you into an undead version of yourself, not really dead but not quite alive either. You're just... there, covered in your own darkness, mentally and sometimes physically trapped and paralysed.
I didn't read this stuff. I say these things from my own unfortunate experiences. Thankfully that's all in the past now. I was able to get help when I needed it.
I remember that time when I first thought about getting help. It was hard. But why is it hard? You get sick you go to the see the doctor and get yourself checked out right? Easy peasy right?
Here is one way that depression is so persistently dangerous.
Remember that movie The Thing? Where the alien organism will go to any lengths to protect itself? It was like that.
At the time, I agonized over my decision. On one hand, I knew I was in trouble and I had to go and do something. On the other hand, I felt this horrible guilt like it was all my fault that I was feeling the way I did. That somehow, I had to keep feeling that way as punishment for all the mistakes that I've done. I also felt bad because if I went to get help that was an admission of defeat, that I was too weak to deal with it like any other self-respecting male person. Yet more reason for me to feel worthless and shameful.
I had a whole host of other similar, guilt ridden thoughts. In the end, the MA at the factory was the one who asked me to see our inhouse doctor who in turn shoved a letter in my hand and ordered me to see a specialist, costs be damned.
Looking back, those doubts and guilt wasn't coming from me. It sounded like me and it felt like I was thinking those things but it kind of wasn't me at all. It was "The Thing". It was almost like "the organism" was trying to "protect itself". Almost as if "it" knew that if I went to get help, it would be destroyed and it was trying to save itself like a parasite clinging to its host.
Yes, yes that's a bizarre analogy I know. But for lack of something better, it's entire accurate and it reflects what happened exactly.
Now? I can't describe how good "normal" feels. Normal isn't boring at all. And the silence in my head, with no more things telling me how unworthy and how weak I am, is worth a million bucks. My only regret was that I didn't do this sooner.
So there it is. If you, dear reader, are feeling perpetually sad or worthless or angry or harried or stressed, if you cut yourself and tried to blank out the rest of the world, if you feel like no one cares.
Go get help. It's not normal for people to feel helpless or angry or sad or worthless or guilty or any other kind of negative emotion ALL the time.
If you hear yourself saying that you don't need help, that you are strong enough and that you are a fool for thinking about getting help, beware. It might not be you that's thinking that. It might be your "Thing"
Depression is dangerous. Please take it seriously. Worse comes to worse, if you can't afford a specialist, go to the Policlinic and get referred to the hospital. It's better than nothing.
Here endeth the public service announcement.
The other article, I read in today's paper. A really good one about the national day argument. Is it 44? Is it 50? It also mentions some differences between "us" (East Malaysians) and "them"(Orang Melaya, Peninsular Malaysians).
Please read the article. It's good and written in a sober, reasonable way. It echoes my thoughts exactly. If I were more eloquent, I would love to sound like that.
I do have some stories to tell regarding the article.
But this post is getting long, so those stories will be for another post on another day.
Friday, September 21, 2007
By getting pissed off at your manager and sacking him ("mutual consent" my ass) you just gave Man Utd a clear run to the title this year with no one close enough to stop them. No, I don't think Liverpool will be strong enough.
Sacking Jose was a huge, huge mistake. Huge. If Roman thinks running a football club is the same thing as running his other businesses, he is going to be in for a rude, rude shock.
I wonder who Jose's replacement will be. Whoever it is, he'll have his work cut out for him for Chelsea's first game with a caretaker manager will be against...
Will Chelsea be able to bounce back from a chaotic week to match Man U? Seriously. Sir Alex must be rubbing his hands with glee at the moment.
Ah well. I guess for me the only thing left to watch this season is Keano's Sunderland and Fernando Torres. The title is as good as gone. Oh yes, and watching Sven and Man City will be quite interesting.
The rest of us will have to put up with more smugness from Man U's legion of poser "fans" for another season.
Talking about that, I read with some amusement how some people have this bizarre notion that turning this country into a theocracy will somehow turn it into a morally upright utopia, full of religiously pious people, free from crime and err "social problems" and decadence and moral decay and things like that.
Idiots. People have done the theocracy thing in the Middle Ages. Did it work? No it didn't. What the hell makes people think it'll work now?
The problems in society have nothing whatsoever to do with religion ok? No amount of religious huffing and puffing is going to solve poverty, inequality and lack of opportunity, which are some of the REAL causes of social problems.
Are these people in denial? Or trying to score brownie points with their respective Gods?
Damn, I better stop thinking about this. Ok fine, people have rights to their own opinion. Fair enough. Well, this is my opinion on their opinion. So there.
Ok enough of that stuff. Lighter stuff now.
This is quite funny. I got it from Neatorama.
And I found a video of Emma Watson singing!
Actually no. But close enough, really. I was reading this just now. Watch the video. Her name is Melody Ruiz. She is Spanish. She looks quite a lot like Emma Watson. She does.
On the personal front, my Airplus G PCI WiFi card has died I think. It intermittently fails to pick up my network and when it does pick it up, my CPU usage goes up to 100%. Time to buy another one. I hope prices have gone down.
It's a good thing I have my dad's notebook to surf the Net with.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
It was very boring at home just now. All of the things I do involve electricity it seems.
At Coffee Bean right now. Haven't been here in a long while. Very quiet here which is not surprising since it's fasting month. The network speed is very good, again probably because not many people are here now.
Damn, I wish this damn notebook had a 6 cell battery instead of a measly 4 cell.
I bought Medal of Honor: Airborne just now. Really looking forward to it. When the power comes back of course. Haven't played a good shooter in a long, long time. I'm actually thinking about skipping tonight's appointment.
Another thing I did has something to do with FM2007.
Just for a lark I started a game where I manage Man Utd. See here's the thing. I hate Man U. Really, really. So one can imagine my surprise when I find that I'm actually enjoying managing them. I also suddenly notice that their 2006/2007 squad is very thin when compared to some of the rivals in the Premier League.
Doing quite well at the moment. With my recently discovered understanding of the game's tactical side, my Man U have the meanest defense in England. Hehe. We don't score many goals but we don't concede a lot either.
As one can tell, I'm talking about games. That means life is quite uneventful at the moment. Even at work. Things have calmed down and going back to normal.
Oh yeah, I got slightly ill last few days. Goddamned flu. I guess that's the most exciting thing that happened to me recently.
On Saturday, I go to my final appointment with The Doc. I haven't had any meds in the last 4 days. I feel perfectly fine. No sign of anything coming back.
I feel quite good about that.
Ok then, excuse me while I finish my Southern Blend Iced Tea. Have a good day.
Friday, September 14, 2007
September will turn out to be an important month for me at work and outside of work. New employer at work, vastly larger than the old one. Really looking forward to seeing what will develop here.
Outside, this month is when my final appointment with The Shrink is scheduled. The verdict is quite clear. As far as I'm concerned, I'm free. I've won my life back. No words can describe my relief. This is the best thing I've done ever.
So, now that I can't angst out a post like I used to, what do I write about? No, I'm not going to write about shit in the paper. As far as I'm concerned, as long as those things don't happen here I don't care. Does that make me a bad citizen? I don't care.
Well, I'm still kinda excited about computer gadgets actually. I'm looking at the MacBook. It's gorgeous. And powerful. And small. And unfortunately, quite expensive.
Aside from that, things are pretty peaceful around here as it's always been.
I guess that's all I have for now. Hopefully, I can find something to be excited about soon. If not, I'm going to have to write about games and computer stuff again...
PS. The Mac Mini is awesomely cool. And affordable!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
One of them already ordered his. One of them is still weighing some options. I haven't talked to one more guy.
To be honest, I'm kinda new to this mobile computing thing being the hardcore desktop user that I am. But recently, I've been using my dad's Inspiron 1501 quite a lot. Mainly for pottering about the house, surfing the net while I watch the History channel. Or ESPN. Or downloading drivers and other stuff while doing troubleshooting. Or lounging about at Starbucks.
I must say having a notebook AND a desktop at the same time is very convenient. Even more convenient is the fact that my house has a WiFi access point (protected by a WEP key unlike so many other people's).
The idea of all my friends buying notebooks fills me with joy. If enough people have notebooks then we can have a LAN party at my house without having to lug around our (relatively) gigantic 17" CRT and 19" LCD displays and various casings and mice and keyboards and etc. Plus not all my computer using friends have WiFi ready desktops.
Anyway, I've been doing so much reading on notebooks that I'm actually contemplating getting one myself. Not so soon though, there still stuff that I haven't paid up yet. But a notebook buy is definitely on the cards. That way I won't have to use my dad's notebook anymore.
I'm messing around with the Dell customizers on their website and am playing around with something that costs about RM3500 from 2 base models, the Inspiron 1520 and the Vostro 1500.
I managed to build two equally mouth watering specs costing around RM3490+. 2 Gbs dual channel RAM. Dedicated GeForce 8400M GS graphics card. 160Gb hard drive. DVD combo drive. 15.4 inch display. 9 cell battery. Nearly enough power to rival my desktop.
The Inspiron has a webcam and comes in many different colour kits but the Vostro is more damage resistant.
I can't decide!
Geek excitement aside, I'll probably be able to afford one or the other in December. That means no PSP... Oh well.
Oh yes, why Dell? Why not Sony, Fujitsu, Acer, HP, Lenovo etc etc? Well, I have some really good experience with Dell products. The company I work for uses Dell a lot and I'm very familiar with their local tech rep. Plus, to be honest when it comes to notebook stuff Dell is pretty hard to beat.
Ok then, I'm at the office and don't have much to do at the moment. Time to look for more notebook reviews...
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Things are beginning to settle down here. Most of the initial panic surrounding our takeover has subsided especially after the people started getting their new letters of appointment. I guess they finally believe that the new company is NOT out to rip them off and turn them all into undead slaves.
I laugh when I remember all them rumours.
Anyway, I'm still bored. I wish I had brought my notebook to the office. I could have played FM2007. No I don't feel like doing any research work today.
In lieu of FM, Facebook will have to suffice.
Talking about FM, I may have finally gotten the tactical side of the game down finally ater 1 year of playing it. Can't wait for the new FM to come out. I plan to buy the original.
Tomorrow I don't have work. I'm relishing the thought of waking up late.
Well, apart from the takeover thing there ain't much else to write about. Things are relatively quiet.
Oh yes, there is one thing. I'm starting to taper off my meds. No side effects and no relapse so far. In fact, last week I forgot to take my pills three days in a row. No ill effects at all.
Whisper it quietly, but I'm I'm almost certain that I have beaten my demons. Permanently.
Here's to hoping.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I now work for a gargantuan, humongous, hardware producing company with facilities in such diverse locations as Ireland, Dubai, Thailand and of course Malaysia. It was a strange thing to open up the company phone guide excel document and see literally tens of thousands of names.
Hopefully, I'll continue to do well and make a decent living out of working for this humongous multinational corporation.
I still wonder about staff discounts. The company makes some nifty products I wouldn't mind having. Not to mention a partnership program with Dell which offers some nice discounts.
Anyway, I'll continue to be extremely tied up helping panicking users migrate to their new email accounts and logon profiles and what not. Not to mention the behind the scenes server work. We haven't even started on that one yet.
I was initially quite nervous about the takeover but today I find myself marvelling at how well known the new company is and how interesting it is to be working for an employer this huge.
Hopefully the future will be good.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
I'm looking forward to next Thursday. Next week when I come in to work, it will be with a different employer. Same location, same job but different and much, much bigger company. Takeover will be completed by then.
During the last post, I talked about being in an open relationship. I thought about it again and I've decided that I'm not really in one, yet. I'm not being reciprocated, one could say. I don't really mind. We've already talked about this. I wish it would happen though. I would be nice if it did.
Anyway, this morning I was watching videos on YouTube. Specifically iPhone review videos.
From what I can see and read about, the iPhone is bloody awesome. If it was available in Malaysia I think it would cost around RM2500/- for the 8Gb version I think. That's quite reasonable if you ask me, considering the functionality that comes in the package.
I love the touchscreen and the QWERTY virtual keyboard. I text a lot and a QWERTY keyboard would be really nice. I also like the iPod functions and wifi connectivity. Very nice. All the other stuff is really cool too. Freaking brilliant.
However if the phone is tied to any one provider like it is in the US, count me out. I don't really fancy being held hostage by a phone company. I want to be able to use my sim card with any damn phone I want, thank you very much.
A good motivation to work more hours and get extra money if you ask me. Sadly it looks like I must choose between either a PSP or an iPhone. I can't afford to get both, at least not simultaneously.
Damn, I need more money.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Anyway, it's got something to do with my previous post.
The state government is planning our own little bash for the 45th Malaysia day next year. This news pleases me. Even better if they can make it a nationwide thing. Who knows the thing might snowball and become regular.
It's good to know that the government wants to do something like this.
In other news, I've had a decent few days.
I went to Mojo last night. I met some people I haven't met in a long, long time. There was a little bit of drama involving someone else in our group. Fortunately a little level headedness helped a lot and crisis averted.
I'm playing Football Manager again for some strange reason. Now managing a crap team in the Russian First Division. We haven't won in 10 league games. Why Russia?
Can't wait for FM2008 to come out.
A lot of other stuff happened in the last few days. None of which involved me. Except one.
How would you define an open relationship? Is it a good idea to be in one?
I'm wondering because I think I'm in one right now. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about it yet. What I do know is that we're almost too close to be just friends. She probably knows this too.
I wonder if she ever wonders...
I love it though. I haven't felt this satisfied in aeons. It's the ultimate proof that I'm not dead inside.
PS. Completely off topic but I simply must share these spectacular pictures from an airshow in Moscow. Fantastic!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Sunday Post came out with this article today.
Here it is in full:-
"Malaysia 44 or 50?
Come Aug 31 our beloved nation will celebrate her 50th birthday, as designated by the federal government. But until today certain quarters are still fervently debating the age of our country.
EVERY year as we celebrate National Day on Aug 31, the debate on the actual age of our nation surfaces and it seems to rage with greater intensity than ever.
The federal government designated this year’s National Day celebration as the 50th anniversary of our independence based on Aug 31, 1957 when Malaya gained independence.
However, for certain quarters in Sarawak and Sabah, it is inconceivable that Malaysia could be 50 years old this year as the formation of our nation took place on Sept 16, 1963.
The real bone of contention in this argument over the age of Malaysia is the question of whether Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore joined the Federation of Malaya or formed Malaysia, a new nation, with Malaya on Sept 16, 1963.
Those who advocate that Malaysia as a nation was actually born on Aug 31, 1957 cited the formation and expansion of the United States of America as a parallel to the formation of Federation of Malaya and its subsequent expansion when Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore joined the federation on Sept 16, 1963.
This is a classic case of comparing an orange with an apple because USA was formed by 13 former colonies of the British Empire on July 5, 1776 after a bloody war of independence and remained as the United States of America despite its expansion through the addition of other states to its federation.
This is not the case with the Federation of Malaya or Malaya as it ceased to exist as a nation when it joined Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore to form Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.
It must be noted that Malaysia was formed through an equal partnership between Federation of Malaya, Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore (which withdrew from Malaysia after two years) it was never a formation of the sovereign nation of Malaya and the three states.
Bearing testimony to this partnership is Sarawak’s autonomous authority on land and immigration as part of the list of special rights of the State would retain in the Federation of Malaysia.
An even more ludicrous argument put forward was the claim that Malaysia is actually the alternative name for Malaya citing references of the region around the Malay Peninsular as Malaysia by British Colonial writers in the 1800s and that the concept of the Federation of Malaya when it gained independence was not confined to the Malayan mainland but also the Malaysian regions still under British rule then.
The flaw in this argument is firstly the confusion of Malaysia as a reference to a geographical region with Malaysia as a nation which came into being only Sept 16, 1963.
As for the claim that the Federation of Malaya was formed with the plan of including Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore, there is no documentary proof and even if there was it had nothing to do with the three states as they never planned to join the federation.
During the formation of Malaysia, there was never any mention of the three states joining the Federation of Malaya in any of the historical documents signed by all parties.
To put to an end this polemic on the actual age of our nation and how it was formed thesundaypost traces the birth of Malaysia through the documents pertaining to its formation signed by all parties and interviewed Datuk Amar James Wong, the only surviving member of the Sarawak delegation of the Malaysia Solidarity Consultative Committee which paved the way for the birth of our nation.
The Malaysian nation was the brainchild of Tunku Abdul Rahman when he was the Prime Minister of the Federation of Malaya. On May 27, 1961 he brought up the subject at a luncheon meeting of Foreign Correspondents Association of South East Asia in Singapore Adelphi Hotel saying “Malaya today as a nation realises that she cannot stand alone and in isolation. Sooner or later she should have an understanding with Britain and the peoples of the territories of Singapore, North Borneo, Brunei and Sarawak.”
That speech set into motion a rapid succession of events that culminated with the birth of Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.
The book ‘Formation of Malaysia’ published by the Federal Information Department soon after Malaysia was formed stated in the last paragraph of the section Milestones to Malaysia, ‘So in less than 28 months from the time he put forward his proposal, Tunku Abdul Rahman’s Malaysia plan is realised, uniting 10,000,000 diverse peoples — Malays, Ibans, Land Dayaks, Melanaus, Dusuns and Kadazans, Muruts and Bajaus, Chinese and Indians — in a new nation dedicated to justice, peace and prosperity, in pursuit of freedom and happiness for all.’
In his report for the Commission of Enquiry to visit Sarawak and Sabah and setting out Terms of Reference for the formation of Malaysia Lord Cobbold stated in article 10 of his findings that the name of the Federation shall be Malaysia.
No one is in a better position to talk about the formation of Malaysia from the Sarawak perspective than Datuk Amar James Wong, the former Deputy Chief Minister of the State.
When thesundaypost interviewed him at his office, Wong was adamant that Malaysia is 44 years old as he involved personally in the negotiations and consultations leading to the birth of Malaysia.
“I remember Sept 16, 1963 very well. I was in Kuala Lumpur when the agreement on the formation of Malaysia was signed. After the signing I flew straight to New York with Rajaratnam, one of the Singapore representatives, to attend the 18th session of the United Nations as representative of Malaysia.’
Referring himself jokingly as ‘the last of the Mohicans’ Wong said he is the only surviving member of the Sarawak delegation to the Malaysia Solidarity Consultative Committee.
“I was directly involved in the negotiations on the rights of the State and you can quote me in stating that we never joined Malaysia, we formed Malaysia.”
Wong who wrote several books on diverse subjects also published a book ‘The Birth of Malaysia’ in 1993 in which he reprinted historical documents pertaining to the formation of Malaysia.
In the first two paragraphs of his introduction he wrote: “Our 30th year of Independence within Malaysia would be a fitting time and occasion to remind all Sarawakians of our great heritage and as to why and how Malaysia came about.
“This is particularly true of the younger generation, especially those in their mid-forties and below, who were then too young when Malaysia was formed, to grasp and understand the implications. But what all Malaysians in Sarawak must know and understand is that — We did not enter Malaysia, but we formed Malaysia together with North Borneo, (now Sabah) Singapore and Malaya.”
Anyone wishing to find out more about the positions of Sarawak and Sabah within the federation should read this book as it contains reprinted historical documents and reports and a chronology of events that led to the formation of Malaysia.
There should never have been any debate on the age of Malaysia as there are ample irrefutable documents that prove that the birth of our nation is Sept 16, 1963.
While Sarawakians and Sabahans rejoice with our fellow citizens in Semenanjung Malaysia in celebrating the Federation of Malaya’s 50th anniversary of independence from British rule, we cannot distort history by confusing it with the birth of Malaysia.
There is more at stake than the quibble over the dates of the birth of our nation for Sarawakians and Sabahans as accepting Sept 16, 1963 as the birthday of Malaysia means the two states formed Malaysia as equal partners with the Federation of Malaya while accepting Aug 31, 1957 implies we joined the Federation of Malaya.
The latter date could mean the rights of the State were temporary conditions granted by the Federation of Malaya while recognising Sept 16, 1963 clearly states that the two states joined as equal partners in the formation of Malaysia and their special rights are entrenched in the agreement on her formation.
Happy Birthday Malaysia, but is it 44 or 50?"I wonder, who is the patriot and who is not? The person who asks for the truth or the person who wants to bury it?
Remember, remember 16th September 1963.
Happy 44th Malaysia. May her people live long and prosper.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Anyway, I finally did it. I cut my hair. It's short now. I no longer look like a girl (hopefully). I'm going to do more to it later on. I was kind of worried at first but as it turns out having short hair is quite a refreshing change after 4 years.
Hmm, suddenly I've taken more interest in my physical appearance. Does that make me shallow(er)?
Perhaps more importantly, does it even matter whether I'm shallow or not?
Shallow or not, this changing of physical appearance is rather interesting considering I've never really cared before. Perhaps it will complement my more active social life.
I went to have dinner at Minoru on Wednesday night. The food was brilliant, even better than Tomoe. It was slightly more expensive however. But the food was soo good it was worth it. I'm beginning to develop a real taste for Japanese food although I haven't really gotten used to eating raw fish yet.
I'm going back there soon.
I start work today and will be at work until Sunday night. It's going to be tiring. Hopefully nothing bad happens. And payday is a week away!
Damn I need some overtime. Fast.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
And now I'm at the airport with my laptop. It's very nice here at night.
Tomorrow evening, I'm getting a haircut.
Nothing significant happened in the last few days.
I guess I'm posting just for the hell of it.
Oh yes! Manchester City beat Man United last weekend. That was brilliant. Sven is really doing well and I hope that this isn't just a flash in the pan.
Man Utd will probably recover from their bad start to the season but hopefully they will trail the whole season. It would be brilliant if Man City finish above them. I will laugh so hard if that happens.
I also watched an MLS highlight show this afternoon. It was very interesting. I really like how American commentators describe matches.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Two hours more before I get out of here. I can't wait to go to sleep.
Neither can I wait for September. September will reveal my future jobwise. I will keep my job for sure but as for future direction, I'm not so sure. Do I stay or do I go? Is there anything better in store, considering that good employment is so hard to come by these days. I'd love to start my own thing but as of now, it's not the best idea.
At least I got the experience, the ability and the papers to prove it. Worse comes to worst, I can look elsewhere. Which is more than I can say for some people.
I know a few people who are desperately looking for work. I feel sorry for them, some of them are good. But alas no luck yet. For me, looking for work was not such a big problem. I was lucky I guess. It's a blessing these days.
There are many blessings I could count.
Despite my somewhat disastrous youth I came out ok. I earn a decent enough living, have many friends and have a good social life. I'm pretty good at what I do. Even my home life is better. I can enjoy the finer things and can afford to do stuff. If I was less disciplined, I could literally buy anything I want.
There are people who can't do that.
I used to think that my life was really, really bad and that I was good for nothing. For a while, it was true. Then I did what I had to do and that has enabled my to change my perception.
That is what I'm most grateful for now.
Lately I've seen and heard things that has made me realize that as bad as things were, it could've been worse. For some people, it is worse.
Some of these people are people I know. I hope they are strong, never let life beat them and come out ok. I would like to see them prosper. They certainly deserve it, maybe more than me.
Hopefully, I can to help out a little.
In other news, I'm listening to Major Lodge Victory these days. It's Gin Blossoms' come back album. I'm glad they reformed. They haven't changed much which is great.
I'm getting off work in a few hours and I hope to have a nice break. Here's to another good week.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I hope the QC is up to standard.
I'm actually contemplating changing my car.
As usual, the Persona is well priced. Plus, it's a 1.6 and a full size sedan, not a fastback like my current car. I've made some calculations and if I get rid of my current car I'll be able to afford this one quite easily.
But, I actually like my current car. I put a lot of work and money into it. Hmm.
Damn, if I was earning a little more I'd keep both cars. In fact, I have enough saved up for a substantial, monthly payment reducing deposit.
Nah, I'd better stop thinking about this. Having said that, I'm going to visit a showroom next week...
I work this weekend and I hope time goes by quickly.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Yes, it's way more fun than Friendster ever was.
I finally went to Starbucks yesterday. It's quite nice. I'm coming back there soon. Probably during the early evening.
Talking about fun, I had the best time ever on Sunday night.
It started out innocently enough. We were at my house downloading music (using Ares, highly recommended!). I was supposed to send her home after burning CDs and stuff but we started talking and laughing so we decided to go somewhere else first.
Mojo was closed by the time we got to town. Next, it was either Barzing or Zen. We decided on Zen. Nice place. It doesn't have walls. Open air places are very nice. We drank chardonnay. The place was closing so we brought the wine in the car and finished it off there.
We were quite tipsy by this time so we decided to get some food and more drinks and drive to the barrage.
Alcohol does help one tell the truth yes?
We talked about a lot of stuff. Stuff that we normally wouldn't say out loud. About our feelings and the future and stuff like that.
She told me why she can't go move forward with me. She's in love with someone else. It's been like that for awhile now. She told me she knows how I feel about her. She said she was sorry and wants to remain friends.
I told her I knew that something was in the way. It wasn't her fault. Being friends is fine with me. I'm not very keen on a steady relationship anyway. What I have with her now is exactly what I want.
Are we friends? Sometimes I'm inclined to think that we are a little more than friends. Just about the only thing we haven't done is get physically intimate..ehem ehem. She'll probably insist that we are just friends, but I know she thinks this too. She isn't stupid and she isn't blind...
After more heart to heart stuff, gross out fart jokes and other jokes about piss and lesbians, we finally ran out of chicken wings and beer. It was 4 in the morning.
Her parents were not very pleased. But she told me the next morning that it was so worth it...
It is. This is the most fun I've had in a while. In many ways, it's perfect. I like her and she is almost like a girlfriend but without the commitment. We no longer have any secrets between us and things are very comfortable.
Honestly, it doesn't really matter if things become serious or not. It's fine the way it is and anything else is a bonus.
Times sure have changed. A year ago, this kind of thing would plunge me into serious bouts of anxiety and depression. It's a good thing I went to see a shrink...
It's going to be a nice week.
Excuse me, I must feed cat and play with Facebook. Have a nice day.