Monday, March 29, 2004

It's Red !!!

Yay !!

I got my new ride. I'm so obviously very very pleased ! It's great. I don't have to rely on public "transportation" anymore !!!

And yet....

Now I got a car, I can come and go as I please, so long as I got gas. Bizarrely enough, now I don't know where to go....That was weird. I picked up the car, drove it out of the lot and thought,"okay where do I go now...?". And here I am in a cyber cafe, still wondering where to go...

Sometimes it's like that isn't it ? You pine for something and when you get it you don't know what to do. It's like those guys who woo girls to fall for them. It's not the girl that matters, it's the chase. The hunt. And in my case, maybe it was the anticipation of getting something new.

Human nature is weird like that.

Hey, now that I got a car I need an excuse to go out. Maybe you could ask me for dinner or something hehehe...

I'm feeling generous, like I got this urge to "belanja" people makan....

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Nothing Useful Here

Like the title says, nothing useful here. I'm so spent right now. So exhausted. This week was the fifth week in a row of me working the night shift. One more week to go.

At least I get paid on Tuesday, which is going to be nice. I'm thinking about shopping but I don't really know what to buy. I guess I'm going to end up buying something unnecessary again. Why is it that when I go to a mall I get this urge to spend money, even though I don't really need anything at that moment ? I don't get this impulse and I'm too blur this morning to try and psycho-analyse myself in that way. Maybe next time.

I went to read Amy's new post today. She wrote something about erotica and porn and feminists. It was awesome. Lots of good points and quite an interesting angle. This girl can really write. You guys should check her out. She sounds really interesting. Wonder what she's like in real life...

Okay so that's all I could think about writing this morning. Got to get home and chill. I think today I'm going to play Diablo 2 and watch my Angel DVDs. And sleep.

Yes my life isn't very exciting right now. And I'm too damned lazy to do anything about it : ).

Saturday, March 27, 2004


Is it just me, or has anyone else noticing funny behaviour at for the last two days. It doesn't seem to update immediately now. Now it seems to take around 10 munutes before I see my latest post on the site. Weird.

And speaking if glitches, it seems my car has been delayed. The damned registration is still stuck at our beloved Road Transport Dept. See, I knew it was too good to be true. I'm not even surprised.

Ya see, my life in general is full of things like this. If I want to do something or want to have something, there's always ONE thing that would go wrong. Nothing ever happens as it should in McCity. Sometimes, I feel that the PTB (Powers That Be) are picking on me. Perversely, I can't wait to find out what other parts of my life the PTB will tangle up.

I was reading the comments from my last entry (and as usual, I'm eternally grateful for people who drop by and leave a comment). One that really stood out was Sarah's. The one about me not expressing my affections since 1992. This is true boys & girls. I have not told anyone I loved them since 1992.

It got me thinking, and honestly I was surprised at this too. Well as you can imagine, there are circumstances. I have a post prepared for this but I'm holding on to it while I make sure it says what it should. This issue is a huge deal for me so best be more prepared.

But see, it's not just love it's everything else. Lately, (as in a couple of years already) I haven't been big on the broad range of human emotion thing. I haven't been really happy in a while, nor have I been really pissed off (which is nice). I haven't been blissful and I haven't been depressed either (which is nicer). I'm that. I think I'm dead inside.

I remembered one time, I got rejected (again) by some chick and it hurt. It hurt enough for me to say, "God, please give me a heart of stone so that I don't have to feel all these feelings.". Well, I'm thinking maybe He heard and granted my wish. Either that, or a vengeance demon heard me. So careful what you wish for...

I do wish that I could be more emotional and let myself feel but at the same time I frightened by the idea.

Wanting something and being afraid of it at the same time. That's really stupid, isn't it..?

I'm an idiot.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Real Me

Haven't been around enough to do any updates. Still here though, so fret not faithful reader !

Well, my car isn't ready yet so I'm still here, gnashing my teeth and pouring ashes over my head. Boy, I hate waiting.

I found this quiz thingy from Aida's. I like these. I want more. I much prefer these subjective quizzes over the multiple-choice ones. Also, I'm really tired this morning what it being the first day of work and all that, so I can't think of anything brilliant to write. So I did what came naturally and ripped off someone else's blog contents.

Here's the quiz. Perhaps I could learn more about myself this way. And you could learn about me too ! Enjoy :-

Would you ever date someone younger than you?

Someone Older?
Yes. I actually went out with this girl who was 16 months older than me one time.

Ever been drunk?

Been in love:

Loved someone who you knew you couldn't have:
Of course, in fact nearly all of my “relationships” are like this. Downside of being vertically challenged, bespectacled, socially inept and not particularly physically attractive.

Gotten in a car accident:
Nope. Touch wood, since I’m getting a car any day now.

Broken a bone?
Nope thankfully.

Had your heart broken?
Do you have three hours… ?

Cheated on someone?
Cheated WITH someone, yes a few times. Cheated ON someone, no.

Been cheated on?
I think at least once, but nobody’s telling so..

Last time you said 'I love you' to someone?
Would you believe, 1992 !!

Last time you cried?
Can’t remember. Don’t want to remember.

Last time you laughed?
A few hours ago.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I have no idea. I don’t like to think that far ahead. With my luck, I cannot reasonably picture myself two weeks from now with any kind of accuracy.

What age do you see yourself married at?
Although I would like to and I’m not exactly against it, the odds are very long… probably never. No please, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m not.

Describe your dream wedding?
Something spontaneous and last minute. Small, informal, friends/immediate family only.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No. I don’t have any stuffed animals. Although I’d probably get me a Muppet Angel if I could.

If you could dye your hair one color what would it be?
Red highlights. Willow !!!

Have you ever been skinny-dipping?

Do you eat chicken with fingers or with a fork?

Would you rather give or receive?
Either way, makes no difference to me.

How many homes have you lived in?

Any instruments?
Guitars & drums

One pillow or two?

Do you get along with your parents?
It’s okay right now. We’re not very close, due to some fallout from earlier times.

Do you drive?

What kind of car do you have?
1.3 Saga Aeroback red. Actually, at time of posting I haven’t taken delivery of it yet. Maybe in one or two days.

Whats your fav. colors?
Ermmm… & black combo ?

Do you work?
Tech Support. American owned factory.

Whats your favorite food?
Meat. Lots of it.

How many guys/girls have you kissed?
Two. Girls.

Have you ever got in serious trouble?
Yes. I’ve been to court. Not criminal court though.

Why is the sky blue?
I could explain, but who wants to get technical, right ?

Who was your first crush?
Some girl in my neighbourhood. I was 13.

When you meet a person of your preferred sex, you first notice their?

Are you the romantic type?
Used to be, but now I like to think of myself as a closet romantic. Haven’t actually had many opportunities to be in that situation, so actually I don’t know.

Have you ever been chased by cops?
Yes. It's a long story.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

That Movie Thing

I was just thinking, when posting an entry on one's blog, is it better to title it first and then write, or should one write first and then title it after. If you're curious, I'm trying out the write-first-title-later thing right here. Most of my other posts are the other way around.

And talking about titles, at my computer at work here I have the transcripts of every episode of Buffy and Angel produced thus far. Many of these titles are really cool (Slouching Towards Bethlehem, Never Kill a Boy on The First Date, Conversations With Dead People and others). I'm going to rip off some of these titles (or all of them eventually) and use them to title my posts. It's my own way to pay homage to my fav TV shows. Pathetic fanboy much ? Maybe, but I didn't ask you, so there.

I was reading the news at the AP website and came across some bits about The Passion of Christ. I haven't seen the movie, but I figure it's quite intense and moving. Of course we've all heard about people getting worried that the movie will spark hate crimes against Jews for it's so called "anti-Semitic" elements. And once again I groan with annoyance.

Okay, let's think about this. Out of the many millions of people who've seen the movie so far, how many have attack a Jew in the last few days ? And of the many millions of people who ARE anti-Semitic and HAVE involved themselves with racist hate crimes, how many of them have seen this movie ? And what makes people think that a film, no matter how good/bad could have enough influence to drive somebody to do something as dire as that.

And finally, if someone goes to watch The Passion of Christ and start to hate Jews, who is the one having the problem ? The guys who make the movie ? Or is it the person who watched it ?

I cannot stand it. Again and again and again, there are people stupid enough to blame mass media for something as serious as racist hate crimes. Okay, I won't deny it, mass entertainment media does have an influence on people. But to imply that the influence is major enough to modify a person's behaviour ? That's insulting people's intelligence (especially young people).

If you're the type to think this way, please think about it. Use the law of averages and work it out. Influential or not, it takes more than a movie to push a normal person over the edge.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

The Simple Past

Been listening to the Sarah McLachlan CD all evening. Awesome.

Some great tracks on here, like Fallen & Push & Dirty Little Secret. It's great how she can write music that can evoke such warm feelings. It's great. I want to check out some of her older stuff. If you like this kind of thing, I recommend listening to this older song of hers called Full of Grace. That song rocks.

I'm having a rather good day. My car loan got approved !! I'm so relieved. Went back to the dealership to finish up some more paper work today. I should get it by next week, the week after next at the latest. So yay for me.

I don't really have much to write about this morning. This whole night while at work, I suddenly thought about this Bidayuh girl I used to go out with. Man, that was an exciting relationship.

She was older than me by a year. We met at work. I was out of school and waiting for exam results. I worked at this very well known local sporting goods store. She worked there too.

She was engaged with this guy. There were having problems. We got really close when she started confiding in me. One thing led to another, soon I found myself having an affair with her behind the fiance's back. That was until she worked up the courage to break off the engagement. To be fair, the other guy was an asshole, so he had it coming. Happily, the other guy never found out about me.

We went out a few times, then my college offer letter arrived and I had to leave. It couldn't last, with me away and her back here. About two months later I called her and she told me that she wanted to break up. She asked me to burn all the letters that she wrote me (aww sob sob, so mushy ewwww...). That was the end of that.

I heard later, she got back together with her fiance and got married despite opposition from her family (who apparently liked me a lot more, hehehe). Last I heard, she has 2 kids and was basically alone, since her husband traveled alot. Also, he was womanising and getting drunk alot. And she knows about this too. I haven't heard anything since. And today, after so long, I suddenly thought about her. Weird.

Why was that relationship so significant ? After all, it only lasted a little over 4 months. It's significant because it wasn't complicated, at least for me. It was simple. No mind games or anything like that. It was natural. Nobody pushed. It ran it's course and it just happened. It was great. I got hurt by I don't bear any grudges against her.

Anyways, now I'm thinking what are the chances of that kind of thing happening again. I think nowadays, I'm a bit too defensive. Will I be brave enough to let go and just let it happen ? It'd be nice to meet someone, become close and suddenly it happens. Simple. No agonizing over questions like "is she the one ?", does she like me", are we compatible" etc. No fear of betrayal or wondering wether if this is real or if she just wants to have a fling. Just go with it.

Gee, what am I writing about ? Is there a point I want to make here ? Maybe not.

So gentle viewers, excuse me while I wallow in some more romantic nostalgia and wonder what went wrong.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004


Aww dammit...!!!!!!

Just now, I went to Eon Finance to get my auto-financing underway. Got the down money, car coming very soon, finances are in order and everything is okay. There's just one teensy-weensy snag.

A few years ago, I commited a financial transgression. I bought a car together with a friend of mine. We split the monthly payments and shared the car. Unfortunately, we couldn't keep the car, so it got repossed. The finance company sold the car off and I'm stuck with the loss-on-sale payments (not a small amount). My useless friend being jobless and lacking a steady income, couldn't chip in. Unfortunately, I wasn't getting regular income either. So I ended defaulting and got myself black-listed.

Fast forward, I got me a new job, updated all my loose ends and everything's being handled. All that loss-on-sale should be settled fully by December this year. Unfortunately, I'm not sure about the black-list. I asked just now, and the nice man at Eon told me that if there is no outstanding litigation process, the loan should go through. But really, I got a bad feeling about this. The past has caught up with me and is threatening to bite me in the ass....I might have to wait till the whole thing clears up at the end of the year. I hate waiting.

That's the thing about mistakes. If I don't make'em, I don't learn anything. If I make them, they haunt me for a long, long time. And not just money stuff, personal things too. Like the time I screwed up at my first job. Fresh out of college, I got a job as a programmer. It was fine, except I suck at programming (and the boss was a bitch). So I screwed up royally and they let me go. Now, I secretly worry my current boss will find out and do something horrible, like fire me or something. And there are many-many other, Mac-falls-down-and-breaks-his-ass stories.

It's a vicious circle. When I remember all the stuff I used to mess up, I can't hardly believe it's me I'm remembering. I mean I was such an idiot. Didn't know who I was, what I was good at, what I wanted. It was my low-self-esteem, woe is me, chronic depression stage (God, that sucked. As well as a complete waste of 8 years). It might as well be someone else I'm remembering. But here's the catch-22. If I could be as sure of myself as I am now, I would have avoided all those idiot, pathetic mistakes. But if I didn't make those mistakes, would I know what I know now ? Probably not.

See, I'm all for making mistakes and screwing up. There are valuable bits of wisdom to be had from surviving a self-induced catastrophe. No one should be afraid to mess up once in a while. Some things, can ONLY be learned the hard way. . I only wish that those mistakes didn't have to come around and.... well, bite me in the ass. Like this car thing. And the job thing. And the embarassing-a-hot-girl-who-actually-liked-me-in-front-of-her-own-family thing (long, long story this one, but no less pathetic). Dammit.

Enough of that. It's out of my hands now. Not going to waste time worrying about something I can't control. I was kinda upset just now, so I tried the good-ole shopping therapy.

I didn't buy any clothes, but I got Sarah McLachlan's new CD, some software CDs and the Scooby Doo DVD (with Buffy Summers as Dahne hehe). And of course I read my blog. Talking about therapy, I really appreciated those comments you guys put on here. It meant a lot to me, especially today.

There, I feel better.

Monday, March 15, 2004

A Life More Ordinary

That's it. I can't stand it. I'm going to take a day off this week. This long night schedule is killing me and numbing my brain.

I've been so busy, there's no time at all to think of anything clever to write about. Not to mention the brain numbness, that doesn't help at all. This blog must be getting really really dull and action-less for the average reader.

But then again, so's life in general for mois lately. The most exciting thing to happen soon, is my car, which is really no big deal in the long run. Nope. Nothing happening here. No emotional upheaval. No baudy adventures. No new chick to gossip about. No new discovery. Nothing at all. I'm kinda worried, am I plateauing ? Is this IT ? Is this what my life will be about from now on ? If it is, man that's dull.

I do realize, this relative calm and dullness maybe just temporary and that sometime soon, something will come around and shake things up again. What do I do then ? Why, whine and moan about it on the blog of course. And then you all could read my entry on how I wish things would quiet down and bla bla bla. I'm doomed. I can never be satisfied with my current condition, whatever it is. Hmmm.

Sincerely though, I do hope for an opportunity to change things around, particularly my personal life. Maybe a new friend or a circle of friends, or maybe a new hobby/obsession ? Or maybe even some other thing I haven't thought about.

Boy, I'm so dull. I need to go and get some fun..

Have a nice day :)

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Not Long Winded

In the spirit of being not long-winded, today's entry will not be...errr, long-winded. Also, not having much to write about will keep this short (I hope).

There is a period of 14 days this month where I will be working 10 nights, although not in a row thankfully. I'm right in the middle of that period. I want to take a day off next Thursday. I'm really tired now and besides, I need some time off to finish up paperwork on my new ride (yay !).

One more thing, I've gone to this restaurant where "Nice" Cafe used to be. I think it's called Great Kitchen. The food is brilliant and not expensive !! Check it out.

And finally... I've mentioned before March is the longest month of the year. It has the same number of days as some other months, but somehow it just feels long and seems to go on & on endlessly. Also, nothing exciting ever happens in March. I hate March.

What's up with that ? Is it just a dull boring month, or am crazy ?

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Locked Out

Stupid me.

I've locked my self out of my own house. I was in such a hurry yesterday to get to work, I forgot to bring my keys. The worse thing ? I suddenly remembered the damned keys just as the already locked door was swinging shut. When I get home later I hope my brother would still be at home. If not, then I'll have to pick the lock to the kitchen door (again).

In a similar note, just as I hit post for yesterday's blog entry, I suddenly thought I was being too simple when I said all those things about the ideal girl. Especially, when I thought about it and realized that I have met women like that and nothing happened. Why ?

Well, among other things, they didn't think of me that way. That's usual isn't it. Some other time, it's the lack of the so-called chemistry. When all the evidence suggests that we would make a great couple, neither one of us feels that way and we became friends instead. However, there is this one person...

She was cool. She wasn't your typical girlie girl. Unlike the demure, shy Asian stereotype, she was sociable and outgoing without coming on as slutty or desperate (very tight rope to walk on in my country). We both liked the same kind of music which is something cos most women don't like the music I listen to all that much, especially round here. I could go on. there are so many small details.

Not important. The most important was the fact that we could talk openly & honestly without the fear that one would hurt the other. We trusted each other. We were perfectly comfortable no matter where we were or what we did. She was upfront enough that one time I pissed her off and instead of the usual silent treatment or sulking, she told me point by point what I did wrong. We had a great friendship.

Our friends were expecting us to get together seriously, but somehow nothing ever happened. I knew I felt for her and I also knew she felt for me too. I know cos we talked about it. And yet even after that, nothing ever happened. Later, we got really busy with work and we didn't see each other for a while. When we met up after that, she already met someone else and was going out with him. She told me that he was really cool and if it was okay. I said no prob just go ahead. They got married a couple of years after.

She gave birth to her first kid on Valentine's Day this year.

Now, when I think back, it's kinda clear why nothing ever happened. I was scared. Of a lot of things. Rejection, losing a really goof friend, all that kind of stuff. In hindsight, if I had made a move I had a really good chance. But I didn't take it because I was scared.

I don't regret it though. It's a bit too late for that. I had my self a really good lady friend. She taught me a whole lot. I wish her the best.

And of fear, well...saying I should not be afraid and go for it is a lot easier than actually going out there and doing it. That sucks, doesn't it.

Sorry about that, a rather long-winded and rambly post.I'm sure there's a lesson in here somewhere... :-)

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Monthly Nights/The Relationship Conundrum

Two posts in one ! While stocks last.

Just got some work-related news. Once again, I will be working nights only, for this entire month (groan...).

I have to replace my buddy on the opposing shift. He's going off to attend some training outside. At least, I get all that night work allowance. I so need money right now, what with the car buying and all that.

Once again, after living rather comfortably for the last year and a bit, I will be broke regularly again. With the car purchase, I will blow 65% of my wages on fixed cost until December. After that, don't know yet.

At least I bought something useful.

I was just reading the latest entry from tales of ordinary madness. Sarah, you sure do know how to pick a thought provoking topic. Great read.

It made me think. I suppose that's the common denominator for all great writing. It must make you think. Anyways, I thought about my own situation, relationships-wise and whether I (or my parents or my relatives) have any problems with it.

My situation. Thirty (thirty one this year *sob *sob), single, just starting to pick up the pieces of my somewhat wasted life. Works as a tech support guy at an American owned factory which operates 24/7/365. A little low in confidence department, especially when it comes to talking to strange women I don't know.

Luckily, My parents don't pressure me about getting hitched. And my relatives, as nosy as they are, at least know enough to shut up and not ask me stupid questions I can't answer politely (especially about the lack of girlfriend).

I do believe in marriage. But my views have changed a little bit about it. I used to think that if I didn't get married by my supposed sell-by date, then I'm a freak and I belong in the PT Barnum Roadshow (or it's Asian equivalent). Nowadays, I think that if I can't find somebody I actually WANT to stay with, I won't do it.

Too many people around my part of the world marry because it's what is considered 'the thing to do'. You get to a certain age, you marry your current boyfriend/girlfriend. If you don't have any, get your parents/nosy relatives to look for one. You know, it's like the circle of life, you get born, go to school, get a job, get married, have kids and then you die. It's that kind of thing. I think it's dumb.

Nobody needs to marry to complete themselves, no matter what anyone's parents say. Too many risks in rushing into it. No need to get detailly here, it's all self explanatory. We've seen it all before. In fact I think people should wait until they've done everything they want too before settling down. Marry before you're ready ? The most common fall-out would be disgruntlement at being held down by all the responsiblities while your heart wants to do something else.

I do want to marry someday. Marriage can work. I've seen that too. I used to not believe it would happen to a poor sod like me, but who am I to say ? It's in the future, I wouldn't know. So I'm not writing that off, no matter what my current reservations are.

I used to have a long, long list about the so-called The Perfect WomanTM. That list has gotten shorter & shorter over time. My ideal woman now ? Someone who could hang with me for hours and feel totally comfortable. Someone who will tell me what is wrong when I ask her. Someone who is confident with herself, enough to be able to kick my ass if I needed an ass-kicking. And number one of all of this, someone who TRUSTS me and who I can TRUST back.

That's it really. I'm sure she's somewhere out there. Let's see if I find her.

Phew. That's a long post.

*Also, as a bonus, I hope she'll look like Alyson Hannigan :) Heheh

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Which Ride ??

Work tonight. Almost done.

I had a fun weekend. On Saturday night, I went to a friend's house and we had a little gathering where much meat was burnt and eaten and much alcohol was consumed. We had House of Peers scotch we got from this liquor joint at 2 & half mile here. Yes, glorious cheapish liquor.

I also bought a CD last week. Artist "Funeral for A Friend" album title "Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation". It's emopunk. But unlike other emopunk merchants, this guys play with a refreshing complexity, with their clever hooks, guitar riffs & harmonies and tempo changes. And the fabulous use of twin pedals/twin bass drums !! All in the same song. It's great. Check this band out.

I'm thinking very deeply this week about something. I've decided it is time to blow 10 grand of my money on a major investment. A car.

But which one ? I have a criteria. It has to be cheap. It must be easy to maintain/mod. It must tolerate rough handling. Of course it must look good. After much arguing, finger pointing and raised voices amongst my well meaning friends, it is now between the 1.0 Perodua Kelisa GX (Manual) & the new edition Proton Saga 1.3 Aeroback.

I still can't decide. The Kelisa is a peppy and youthful car, plenty of excess power and suitable for driving around in heavy traffic and tight spaces. Plus being a teeny weeny car, it's easy to park. And it handles well too. The Proton is more buff, more sedan size. A bit less power relative to its size. Also the extra bits n pieces are quite nice. Larger muffler tip, alloy wheels, tuned & improved suspension, skirts and body styling. I quite like the nice rumble this car produces when running. Big potential, lots of room for modifications and customization.

I can't pick between the two. Both cars are sub-40,000 RM so I can afford either one. I can't really buy anything else either because of the cost or other issues. The Hyundai Altos is a bit too underpowered (and not very pretty). And there's the spares/maintenance cost issue. I can't buy a Kenari, because my brother just got one two weeks ago. What are we going to do with two of them ? Proton Wira ? Too expensive. Proton Gen2 ? A little too small in the back for its cost (60,000K). Very suspicious looking and the rule of thumb for Proton cars is "Never Buy the First Model". Better to wait for the improved second editions, where all the nasty bugs and quality issues have been fixed. And I can't wait.

I so wish I could get my Dream Car(TM), the Nissan Skyline R36. Now that would rock and instantly make me look 87.6% better and taller !! But at 300+ K, I'll never be able afford it anytime soon without resorting to some kind of illegal side-income. Sigh....

I'm going to check out both cars on Thursday when I'm not working. I hope I can decide by then. If everything goes to plan, I should be stuck in a traffic jam in my own car at the end of the month !! Yippppeeee !!!!

Saturday, March 06, 2004

It's Never Enough

Training Day today. Had to get up early from the barest of sleep, go to the factory by 9.00am and stay until 12.00 for a technical briefing. I would actually like to write about the new fangled security system we were being briefed about but it's a "security system", therefore confidential, therefore.... Yet another tehnological thingamajig that us in the IT Dept. have to support. Maybe it's time to ask for a raise.

I would so whine and moan about my job if I didn't need the money so much. At least I got a position perfectly suited to my loner, geeky self. And the 3-4 off days a week, not much to complain about there. In fact jobwise, I got nothing to complain about. And yet, I feel like bitching about work.

The sucky part ? I don't know exactly what to bitch about. I could bitch about the boredom & loneliness of working solo, but if I had to work constantly with other people, it would drive me nuts. I could whine about the 12 hour shifts, but I work longer & irregular hours in my previous job (and got paid a lot less). So what do I whine about when there's really nothing to whine about (workwise at least) ?

Such is human nature. Nothing is ever satisfactory is there ? No such thing as a "happily ever after" whether it's about work, or about relationships or even about upgrading your PC. There's always things that we want to change, want to replace, want to have. Sometimes I feel like the greatest cause for disappointment in our life is our own self and our idealistic, unrealistic expectations of the things, the situations and the people around us.

We want the best stuff. We want to get our dream job. Some of us want to be rich without working for it. We want our girlfriend/boyfriend to look like those people we see on those Spanish language soaps. We want to drive ridiculously expensive cars. We want to to live in a utopia, surrounded by all that we ever desired, materially or otherwise.

But we live in the real world, so most of us have to make do with 'enough'. There are people who are lucky enough to live in what to most of us, is the ideal life. Obscenely wealthy people, with superstar good looks, hot Italian sports cars and maybe an even hotter Italian wife/husband/partner. By right they should be satisfied. No most likely they're not. Because that's just like us humans. It's never enough.

Don't be mistaken, desire is a good thing. it drives us, makes us try and exceed our selves. It can also lead to delusions of grandeur and ultimately, disappointment.

What's the point I'm trying to make ? Gee I don't know. Maybe the point is, whatever we do, whatever we have, whoever we're with, the urge to bitch and whine and moan and complain will never go away.

That might actually be a good thing. If everyone was happy and contented, they would be a hell of a lot of boring blogs out there :)

Peace out.

Friday, March 05, 2004

Must Read for All Women

I found this at Sleeksexycat's Lair. It's funny !! I also have the reverse version but I don't know where I saved it.


A Must Read for ALL Women

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
(Guess that's men's way of telling us women that elaborating on a point is absolutely unnecessary)

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
(Heheh..the infamous excuse women use after "Not tonight, darling") ;p

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
(Heheh..liked this one! ) :p

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
(This is the safe and easy way out of a mess, right guys?) ;p

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. (Yeah, right)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
(Heheh..funny, this)

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. (Another safe answer to a dangerous/loaded question from women)

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
(Heheh..this one is hilarious! Nearly fell off my chair laughing my head off!) :p

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that men really don't mind that; it's like camping.

The Last Jam

That's it. Our drummer is leaving tonight, KL-bound on the 10.00pm flight out. We wish him the best of luck.

Last night, we had our last jam. Two hour session. We pulled out all the stops and tried to cram as much music as possible into those two hours. My shoulders hurt. My ears rang like a bell for hours afterwards, because we were playing really loud, and the acoustics of the studio was very bad. It wasn't our best session. But it was fun nonetheless. I mean, band, drumset, amps, PAs, electric guitars, bass, bad music. What's not to love ?

We went off after that to eat and indulge in a spot of beer drinking at this eaterie run by one of our friends. There we did all the regular stuff you do in such a place, eg played pool, smoked, ate and drank obscene amounts of smuggled Stella Artois. We talked about trash, life in KL (lived there for five years,so lots of tales) chicks, movies (the Passion of Christ was a hot topic), music (another long topic), aquaculture, cave exploration (??) and other things I can't remember.

When we sent our drummer & our guitarist home, the rest of us, myself, Les (bass) & Shel (voc) went to Open Air to get some more beer and to eat more food. We were kinda restless I guess. While there, we talked about the band for a bit. Now that we have no drummer, I'm be drumming until I either get better at it or we find a new drummer.

I guess this post is just a regular diary entry. I was going to get all serious and philosophical, and talk about the differences between life in the big, bustling metropolis that is KL when compared to the relative calm and quiet that is Kuching. I was going to mention the fact that if anyone from any sleepy town in the country were to live in a city the size of KL, you would change whether you want to or not. Not that change is a bad thing. Living in KL, away from the familiar environs of home, I learned to be self-reliant and open minded. Life there also taught me about people, and no matter how screwed up or insane they get, it's all normal. Also, people do and say stupid things that they regret, but they get over it (most of them at least).

Recalling the "life-in KL" stories I told from last night, It occurs to me what's really important is not the places you go to, but who you're with when you're there. Our friends have more impact on our personalities and lives than we sometimes realize.

It's great that I got some cool really cool buds. Our buddies are important. One day, they might leave. Don't take them for granted.

Thus endeth the ramble.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Little Drummer Boy

There's a problem with the band.

Our drummer has decided to leave and go to KL in order to find a new job. That's very brave and we wish him the best of luck.

The bad news is that that leaves us drummerless. It looks like I'll have to take over drumming activities for a while. There's a slight problem with that arrangement. The last time I played drums was 1991. I haven't played drums regular in a band for 13 years... I can barely remember how.

I've decided to buy drumsticks on Thursday and start practising strokes again, a fact made harder when taking into account the fact that I don't own a drum set (note the use of two 'facts' in a single run-on sentence. Grammar aerobatics !!). Looks like I'll have to practise hitting things other than drums to get my coordination back. Hope that will be enough practise for Sunday's jam, if our drummer decides to leave before then.

Decent drummers are hard to find, not surprisingly since, unlike guitar or piano or the recorder, you can't just go out, get a drum kit and stuff it in your bedroom. First we have to consider the size. A drum kit can get very very large. And then we have to consider the noise. Drums don't have volume controls, unless you buy one of those hi-tech and extremely expensive electronic ones.

Me and our bassist (a colleague here at work) talked about the possible permutations for the band. If I could pull of the drumming gig well enough, then I'll stick to it ('stick' geddit, as in drum sticks geddit, geddit). That means we have to find another guitarist to replace me. That's easy. We got tons of friends who play guitar.

Or we could try and find another drummer to replace our outgoing one. That's not so easy. Between the two of us, we could barely come up with half a dozen names.

By the looks of things, looks like I have to go back to the beginning. I joined my first band when I was 16. I played drums. And now it comes back full circle.

I hope I don't suck (too much).

The other alternative (dissolving the band) is totally unthinkable. I mean, how are we going to rock out and indulge in our rock-n-roll fantasies without a band !!

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Not a real post

As mentioned, not a real post. I've been having trouble coming up with a real meaty subject to sink my teeth into, blogwise. It's as though my brain can't get out of 2nd gear. I read some of the blogs on my link list and, yeah I do feel kinda intimated, as silly as that sounds. Some of these people really do write well. I mean, the eloquence ! The imagination ! The righteous indignation ! I mean take for example Sarah's latest post regarding religion and the theodice problem. That's such a great topic to discuss. I do have an opinion on the subject but I have trouble writing a coherent comment. Ah dammit. Stupid brain.

Another post that I like a lot was that one in The Sixth Seal about the old guys hanging out at the kopitiam (complete with pic). Short and sweet and totally effective. Cool, dude.

That's the whole point of this blog I got here. I've always had trouble expressing myself in writing. The thoughts and opinions are there but when I write them down, they sound totally different (and contrived). My only hope is that by writing constantly I could get past that. And of course reading those aforementioned blogs. This lack of writing flair must be a side-effect of me being technologically & scientifically inclined during my formative upper secondary years, what with me being in the Science stream & all. Should've paid more attention during English & BM class instead of goofing around like I did.

To jazz up the blog, I hope to be able to put images up. That means getting a digital camera and finding a host. Already found the host for the pics, but no camera yet. For the time being, looks like I have to go and borrow one cos I can't possibly afford one now without damaging my car fund. The car is the priority now. I desperately need wheels. And talking about car, my parents actually offered to give me money and help me get one, but I'd rather pay for it on my own. Stupid pride ? Maybe, but if I use their money to buy my car, they'd make a very big deal about the stuff that I want to do to it (car mods). I don't need extra nagging, thanks.

Other assorted stuff:-

It's March already !!! Holy crap where did all that time go ! And pretty soon, I'll be 31 !!!! Nooooo !!!!!!

And just now, I read yesterday's papers and there's this story about this kid who took 16 (that's right, sixteen !) subjects for SPM. And aced them all. Yes, ALL of them. How did he do that ??!! He must be genius or something.

I'm so sleepy now...

Monday, March 01, 2004

Bring on the Night

I'm at work. It’s at night, well actually it WAS night. Now it’s early morning. Also, I'm feeling strangely thoughtful & philosophical.

I like night. I’m what might be considered as nocturnal. A night person. I do my best work at night. I play and practise music more at night because I feel more creative and less inhibited. I read more at night. And write more. And write better. In all aspects, I’m more active at night then at any point during the day. During day time, if I got nothing to do I’d get lethargic and sleepy.

I like the night and the darkness that comes with it. Sometimes I think it’s not so much the night I like so much as the dark. Even my room, I like to keep it dark with just enough light from my table lamp. Many of my friends find it rather weird that when they come over, I sometimes forget I have company and just turn the table lamp instead of my big white fluorescent one. Not all of them feel comfortable in the dark.

I went through a period where my parents were quite worried about my fondness for dark places and for staying up late. I picked up the night habit in college, I think, where a whole bunch of us would stay up late into the morning. Sometimes we stayed up to study and do assignments but mostly it’s to chat and hang around. It became a routine and pretty soon I felt less comfortable during the day than at night. I left college in 1996 and I’ve been nightbound since.

Night and darkness. I find it strangely comforting and peaceful. Perhaps on some subconsious level, I treat the darkness as a security blanket. Somewhere I can hide and not have to reveal my flaws and imperfections. A refuge from the chaos and the hectic way of life that daylight brings. It might be that I equate darkness with security & comfort.

So, don’t be afraid of the dark. It can be your friend, covering you and hiding you from all that you need to get away from. I know I feel that way sometimes.

Bring on the Night.