Monday, October 31, 2005

Good Weekend

I'm posting through email today. I'm having a technical problem with the Internet access at the office. I hope this works.

I'm still on my game kick. I just completed downloading Call of Duty 2. The expression "unbelievable" doesn't quite do it justice. The pace of the game, the chaos, the noise, the smoke, the bullets whizzing overhead like angry bees, I'd say this is so far the best and most immersive depiction of combat ever done in a computer game.

The graphics are awesome, even on low quality. It's simply gorgeous.

So far, I've done all the Russian missions covering Moscow and Stalingrad. I've also done the Desert Rats one, which is a nice change of locale. It's set in Libya and Tunisia against Rommel's Afrika Corps. Nice tank battles here.

Currently, I'm halfway through the American missions (featuring the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc) and last night, I stopped playing during the last British mission at Caen.

I had a pretty good weekend. On Saturday night, I went to an engagement dinner. It was quite pleasant, if a rather formal affair. Even more significant than that is my reaction which was...... nothing at all. I'm not at all bothered by it.

I used to have the greatest trouble with going to weddings and engagements and any other type of event where people get couply, but I think I'm over that completely now. Finally....

I guess the peace has been made and I'm ok with where I am, relationship-wise. I'm not in one and frankly, it no longer matters if I am in one. I feels good like that.

Immediately after that, I went to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose. There were 11 of us in one group. It's always so much fun to be in a group that big when watching movies. That's equal to 2 rows of seats on one side.

The movie itself was great. I enjoyed it so much. I was quite surprised to find that it's more of a courtroom drama rather than pure horror. I suppose some of us got disappointed by it, due to the movie's very misleading trailer. Something should be done about the trailer. The trailers we watched didn't emphasise the trial at all, which is misleading because the movie was about a trial.

Lucky for me, I actually like good courtroom dramas and this was a good one.

After that, we went to while away the hours at our favourite 24 hour food court and talked about movies among other things. One that we talked about the movie Poltergiest and how it was one of the most frightening movies we ever saw because of the fact that it involved children. There's something about demonic kids that freak me out.

I suppose it's the duality of it. One side, we have the pure and innocent child. The other side we have the demon.

And talking about freaky, listen to Poltergiest's main theme, especially the end.....

Friday, October 28, 2005

No Time To Blog Today

Too many games to play!

I've got Quake 4 and Football Manager 2006 to go through.

Quake 4 is very, very nice. Nice graphics, nice sound, nice levels and nice story apparently. I'm halfway through I think.

FM2006 is also very, very nice. It's very nice because now my players have more personality. They have their physical stats (height and weight) so it's easier to imagine them. Many player profiles come with pictures.

During a match, I can shout instructions to players while the game goes on. Also, during halftime, I now have the option of conducting a team talk where I tell the players that they suck, or not.

All very interesting, but if you're not into football (soccer) it's hard to get in to.

I suppose I'll be playing the next few days so there might not be any blog entries. Just as well, I'm feeling kinda burnt out with work and writing actually.

I was thinking about going out, but my parents are using the car to go to some church function. They asked me to go, but I'm not really keen on church functions (no disrespect to church people).

Tommorow night, I have an engagement dinner to go to. For once, it doesn't fill me with dread. I guess I'm over the whole relationship thing. About time too.

I might post tomorrow night if anything interesting happens.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


The same way that some people shouldn't handle guns is the same way some people can't handle free speech.

I've been following another blog storm recently, something to do with some facilities for disabled persons, how some bloggers don't feel that it should be an exclusive right and how people who disagreee with the said blogger(s) are "attacking" and are "jealous" of said blogger and/or the blogger's country.(???)

It's amazing how skewed and troll like logic becomes when one gets pushed into the defensive eh? Nonetheless, it's all very entertaining in a rather exasperating way.

Anyway, in this case, how are firearms and free speech similar? In this instance, they are similar because they require responsibilty.

You say you pay. Free speech is not free, as in without cost. Like a firearm, freedom of speech and the right to opinion carries a certain amount of responsibility considering how dangerous it can be if used wrongly.

As a blogger, I am responsible for what I say. If I am being a prick in a public place like the Internet, what right do I have to expect people to shut up and put up? None whatsoever. To expect people who disagree not to voice their disagreement is too much to ask. The argument where it's my opinion is hollow. People who disagree with me have opinions too right? So if I have a right to my opinion but others don't have the same right, isn't that a double standard?

Unfortunately, lots of people don't see it that way.

If one's opinion is WRONG then people are bound to disagree. Of course, some may say that we should tolerate people's opinions.

This is where relativism goes awry. Of course some things that are wrong to some, are not wrong to others. That's a given fact and is an important fact that breeds tolerance and allows different people to get along with one another.

However, some things are just plain WRONG, pure and simple. Some things SHOULD NOT be tolerated. Racism is wrong. Repression is wrong. Wanton senseless hate and violence is wrong. Denying the rights and priviledges of less capable members of society is wrong.

There are lots of gray areas in life, but I say there are some absolutes that are still valid. Certain things we simply should not tolerate.

There is one last thing. The certain blogger in the eye of the latest storm is well known enough to have been asked to endorse certain products.

In view of some of the questionable things that this certain blogger has said, some of the other bloggers who disagree with her have written in to those companies with products that are being endorsed.

As much as I disagree with this certain bloggers opinions, I think trying to interfere with her financial and business dealings is going a little too far. I may not like this certain blogger, but I'm not going to touch the pot of rice. To me, this kind of response is excessively vengeful.

I believe people will make up their own minds once they read and know what happened and what this certain blogger's been saying and that they will do the right thing for them.

That's my opinion.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Some More Game Talk

Almost immediately after I posted my last entry, I found my Doom 3 CDs!! I was rummaging through the junk in my room for reusable CD sleeves and there they were.

Yesterday, I bought the expansion Resurrection of Evil.

Now, the last time I played Doom 3, I still had my old crappy GeForce 4MX graphics card. The game looked ok, if a little jagged in places. Now, I have an ATI Radeon 9600 Pro and I could bump up the graphics by a big margin. Everything looks smooth and shiny now, especially round surfaces with the help of some anti-aliasing. Overall, the game looks so much better.

And also a whole lot more frightening. All those shadows and moving lights and the fact that it was too dark and I had to move around in the game world with a flashlight on all the time really adds to the atmosphere.

I discovered one major thing that wasn't in the movie. The game has a very, very strong horror/occult element to it. It was truly frightening in places. Considering that I've played the game before this, that's really saying something.

Doom 3 was scary enough. The expansion is even worse. But I'm lovin' it.

I also went to get a long overdue haircut yesterday. The place that I usually go to was closed for some reason, so I decided to try another one. It was better than the one I usually go to. So I guess this place will be my regular place now. Next time I go for a haircut, I should remember to bring something to read. All they had were out of date women's mags.

Today, I'm at work. This week should be very light. I'm taking a day off this week and that means I got a long weekend again.

Which is great because Call of Duty 2 is coming out this week. Let's see how fast the pirates get it in.

This week is gaming week. All these new games coming out and all those free downloadable old games I've found.

I'm having a good time.

Monday, October 24, 2005

That Doom Movie

Arrgh. I can't find my Doom 3 CDs.

Last night, we watched Doom. It was quite ok. It wasn't as good as I expected, but at least this adaptation wasn't too far from the game. At least they didn't change things that gamers like myself would notice, like weapons and creatures (like this nice Hellknight on the left. The Hellknight managed to get in the movie.)

I wished they were more FPS moments in the movie. What little first person footage that we saw, I loved it. I wished there was more.

To be honest, I thought Doom wasn't violent enough. I want more gun battles in the next one (if any).

I remember thinking at one point,"Man, this movie is a little slow innit?" Then it occurred to me, as violent as the game (Doom 3, which is what this movie is loosely based on) was equally slow in parts.

One more thing that didn't deviate much from the game were the levels locations. Just like the game.

Overall, it was ok. Not so good, just ok. At least the gloomy feel of Doom 3 was there.

In other news, something utterly despicable happened. The Major's blog got hacked. I was speechless. I hope this doesn't put him off blogging. I hope Blogger can help him.

At least the most valuable part of his records, the valour roll, is still intact. Considering how surprisingly difficult it is to get records and stories of local veterans, it is priceless.

Major Swami should write a book and do something to persuade the Ministry of Defense to make public more accounts from the days of the Confrontation and the Emergency.

Other than that, I was resting the last two days. Unlike most Sundays, I didn't go anywhere at all today. Looking forward to next week.

Just now, I had wanted to write about something else, something that I've been thinking about. But I am too tired right now.

But I do want to say this:-

There are times when the best thing to do to help yourself is to turn your eyes outwards, away from the inside.

And lest I forget, I'd like to say thanks to Nikki for those great abandonware links! I'll write soon.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

It's Good to Get Pissed off in the Morning...

.... for a good reason of course.

One of the blogs I read is this one, run by a former Ranger (a retired Major). In it you will find posts about things like what happened in Somalia, and my favourite posts, about recipients of the Pingat Gagah Berani (our equivalent of the Victoria Cross/Congressional Medal of Honor).

All riveting reads, such inspirational stories of valour and courage, brave deeds done in the face of insurmountable odds in combat.

Everything is fine until one day, a commenter accuses our good Major of GLORIFYING VIOLENCE !!!

Holy F**CKING CRAP. If commenting was a shooting competition, this commenter missed the side of the barn.

How is the act of remembering our veteran troopers, who fought for a good cause, be equated with glorifying violence?

This commenter said,"Give it a rest". Give it A REST?? Meaning what? We should stop remembering those people who got killed during the Emergency? That we should stop honouring them for what they had to do?

Does this mean that we tear down the National Monument?

You know, this is one issue I got with some peaceniks. They hate violence and death so much, they even turn on their own countrymen who served and got killed for their sake. Killing is wrong. Yes we know that. But sometimes, what can you do? If you are a soldier and your enemy aims a large, bolt action rifle at you what do you do? Bore him to death with speeches and cliches about "peace"?

Seriously, what would you do?

I don't know about other people, but if I was that soldier, I'd point my own spiffingly shiny assault rifle and let him have it full auto in the chest. Does this mean I am evil and I enjoy the act of splattering some guy's internal organs all over the jungle floor? No. I can't even slaughter a chicken without gagging. But in this case, what else can I do?

The word that comes to mind is Ingrate.

I'd like to put all these peaceniks in a machine and dump them in a parallel demension where the communists won. Let's see how they enjoy THAT!

Some people seriously don't engage their common sense before speaking/writing. It's unbelievable!!

*Takes deeeeeep breath*

Now that that's out of the way, let me tell you all about something very nice for a change. I went out for dinner with some friends a few nights ago when Syuk told me about Home of The Underdogs.

Oh yes!! A repository of ancient computer games!! The same ancient games when I was young, the same ones that used to sit in my trusty 486.

The best part? Most of it is FREE!!! Don't you just love that word?

So I managed to download XCOM UFO Defense, Great Naval Battles 5 and New Horizons. Am planning to download Darklands next.

Someone should really remake Darklands. It's possibly the most detailed RPG ever made. Ever.

I'm thinking, if people can remake old movies, why not remake old games?

Picture it, a new XCOM UFO Defense version 2005 with upgraded graphics and boosted AI. It makes me drool, I tell you.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Why is it so difficult to leave something that is obviously so bad for us?

This has been on my mind for the last few days. Specifically, we do people find it so difficult to leave a bad relationship?

I had a talk with some friends, and some of them (to my surprise) have had struggles caused by "toxic" friends.

Now, when there is a "friend" who is poison, the logical thing to do would be to walk way right? And yet, why is that so hard to do?

Why would we willingly be treated badly by people who are ostensibly our "friends", rather than do the obvious correct thing?

Another example would be this other person I know. She had a boyfriend and the boyfriend treats her very badly. Why doesn't she just leave?

Of course, things are complicated aren't they? Nothing's that simple. I know that. I often asnwer these very same questions the same way. It's not that simple man.

Maybe. But is it really that complicated all the time? Or is that a lame excuse.

Why so hard to do the right thing and leave people who are bad for us behind, or keep them at a mininum safe distance? There are many "answers" I guess, but one answer would be because we want to be good.

We want to be the good one, that's why we can't leave. Who sets these standards? Us. Ourselves. It's not really what other people think. It's what we think of ourselves.

It's bad enough, you walk away, and the person who you walked away from thinks,"Damn, what a bitch/asshole/other insulting word". It's bad enough to know that someone thinks of us like that. But even worse I dare say, is when you hear your own voice telling you the same thing. You're a bitch. Asshole. Other insulting term.

So we don't walk. We try make things "better". We try to change. We try to talk. Sometimes things do get better. But most times? Out of 100 times, how many times?

Things don't work out. We feel bad. We try again. The endless circle continues.

Because we want to be good. We want to satisfy our own idea of our own goodness.

That's why.

In my own life, I've had my share of pointless attempts at relationships. I've had "friends" who treat me badly and take things out on me when they are pissed off, without even telling me why.

I know how hard it is to do the right thing and walk away. But knowing why I do that gives me another option. It gives all of us another option. We can continue to burn for people who don't care enough to look our way, don't care enough to care. This is the easy thing.

Or we could just walk away. This is the hard thing. So I guess we need to look inside to see why it's so hard. And maybe talk to a friend. That always helps.

Suddenly, I'm thinking, have I ever been a toxic "friend" myself. Have I ever done this to anyone? Does anyone have a good reason to walk away?

If I am toxic in some way to anyone, I'd like to know about it. The poison also comes from inside, and I want to stop it if I am poisonous.

So friends, do tell me. In fact, I think we should all ask that question. If we do that and answer honestly, the world will suddenly become a much better place.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Another Epiphany

"We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise (2 Cor. 10:12)"

A long, long time ago, I posted something about feeling guilty and conscience and what not. Ok, not that long ago actually.

So last night, immediately after I posted my last post in fact, I stumbled upon something that smacked me right in the face and hit the nail on the head.

I found a little read called When We Don't Measure Up. It's from a Christian point of view so lots of Bible quotes. I guess it won't be useful for everyone. But trust me when I say that it's a great read and describes my situation 100% accurately.

At this point, I would love to write a summary. I'm not so good at that, but I'll put some passages that I liked. It's not in order, so it might be incoherent.

"A life filled with guilt over not measuring up is no way to live. It can drain us spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and leave us enslaved to the opinions of others."

" Near the core of our burden to please others is often a fear of disapproval or rejection.For many, this same kind of fear is rooted in early relationships where others angrily criticized or withdrew from them for not measuring up. They were made to feel they weren't the right gender or weren't smart enough, athletic enough, or thin enough. Some of us were made to feel as if we wanted too much love or involvement or praise. Whether people expressed their anger with a glare, an insult, or in manipulative tears, the message was loud and clear: "How can you be such a failure?" or "How dare you ask for so much?"

"Out of desperation, we secretly try to get what we want from people by living up to their expectations without letting them know what we're after or that we're even in need. Our fear of disapproval or rejection and our desperate craving for acceptance is part of the reason we try so hard to live up to the expectations of others and feel so guilty when we don't."

"There's no doubt that our strategies work, but for how long and to what degree? Can we totally escape our disappointment and protect ourselves from what we fear? Can we actually earn enough acceptance and approval to fill the emptiness in our hearts?

The answer, of course, is no. Our strategies are a poor investment. We get little relief, shelter, or satisfaction compared to the amount of time and energy we invest in them. Even worse, they drive us to the brink of exhaustion. We rarely relax or deeply enjoy life. We live under a tremendous pressure to make sure we don't let others down or become a burden. But we can't keep it up. Inevitably, someone sees us
as disappointing or needy."

"For those of us who are burdened with a sense of never measuring up, we can start facing the truth by admitting that while we have our faults, we have also been unjustly criticized and/or abandoned by significant people in our lives, and that their mistreatment or lack of involvement has deeply affected us. As a result, we struggle with fears and disappointments that otherwise would not be present to the degree that they are."

There's more. A lot more. And it's uncanny to read something that speaks so closely to what I feel like.

I was elated and shocked at the same time. That's just so typical of me. First I thought I had a problem with being sad and having a low opinion of myself and now I find that I also have a major problem with conscience. I didn't even know that it was a problem to begin with.

I kinda felt overwhelmed by the number of things I have discovered over recent years about myself. It also struck me that if I didn't blog, I would never have known all these things. As bad as things get sometimes, they could be a whole lot worse.

I'm looking for this book now, called False Guilt: Breaking the Tyranny of an Overactive Conscience by Steve Shores.

It's out of print unfortunately. Does anyone have a copy I can borrow/buy?

I'm kinda speechless right now for some reason.

In the end, the truth, the absolute truth about me and what I am will be the thing that sets me free. Will I find that truth?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Public Service Announcements

Don't turn your back on Bali.

This add struck me when I saw it.

I would love to go actually. I've seen a lot of Bali from Discovery Travel documentaries. It's on my list of places to visit.

Unfortunately, I'm broke right now and my passport is expired ( and also missing, but that's another story).

So for those who can, please go and visit Bali. It's a nice place to visit I hear.

Another add that struck me was this one by UNICEF.

Makes you think don't it?

Adds that strike deep and makes you want to react, they can be so simple.

Those guys in charge of the Tak Nak campaign need to learn a thing or two about making an impact.

This has been a public service announcement. Have a nice day.

*I got to know of both from BrandNewMalaysia, a really good blog. Go and read.

In other news, does anyone want 30Gbs of email space? I might sign up just for a lark.

And finally, I'd like to apologize to all my friends for whatever thing that I have said/not said and done/not done. I never mean to offend or to miscontrue or misundertand and I most definitely don't mean any harm.

I'm very sorry, I'm not so good at being a friend I guess. I'm very sorry if I did the wrong things. I don't know what the right words are sometimes, or what the right actions are. I try and I'm sorry if I was wrong.

Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Good Movies!!

Oh My God.

I just watched Sin City and wow! It was, it was...indescribable. It was fantastic, unbelievable. Fabulous. Also, violent and over the top. So it's not for squemish people. And it has Carla Gugino topless, so make sure your parents aren't around when you watch it.

I haven't watched noir in forever, and if anyone has to watch just one film with that style, make it Sin City. And there's always this surreal feel when movies are shot in black and white. I get the same feeling whenever I watch the original Psycho or some old P. Ramlee movies.

It's hard to describe why I enjoyed it so much. It's one of those things, you got to be there.

For old times sake, I also watched Bad Boys again. Fun. A good, straightforward action movie. Will Smith rocks as usual and Martin Lawrence is funny as usual. Great action flick.

I'm reading some posts on the IMDB Sin City board and as usual, some people watched this movie and miss the point completely. It's noir for crying out loud, it's supposed to be bleak and cynical. What do these people expect?

Granted, Sin City may not be the greatest film ever made and not everyone will be able to stomach it let alone like it. But when people miss the point? What can you do about that?

Anyway, I loved it, I thought it was a real clever story and I hope they make a sequel.

Honestly, I don't get it. Why do so many people miss the point of things like action movies? Sometimes, it's fun to watch things get blown up.

Not everything needs to be arty-farty metaphoric, I think.

I was having a conversation about this a few nights ago and one of us made a comment,"Some people don't know how to have fun at the movies anymore."

Damn right.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Small Update

Not a really big update. I didn't want to feel I'm I'm neglecting the blog while I relax.

Not at work. How nice is that eh? And starting from week after next, no work on Saturday for three months. Even nicer.

Been playing Total War today. I overslept. I was supposed to do some errands, like go the Registration Department and ask them about my Mykad (new ID). I also need to buy a belt. I guess I'll do all this tomorrow then.

Went out last night to Seattle and met up with Rin, Zack and Eric. It was great.

Call of Duty 2 and Need for Speed:Most Wanted comes out this month. I salivate in anticipation.

That's life so far. Work, gaming, hanging out with friends. It's routine at the moment, but I appreciate that. I remember life being a lot more "eventful" than this and a lot worse than this. It can get a little dull, but I try to remember and put everything in perspective.

Where I am now is exactly what I wished for then.

I'm off to play Total War now. My Western Roman campaign is almost completed. Three more settlements and I win!

Later people.

PS. New movies to watch out for: Goal! (which I am SO looking forward to just so that I can play spot-the-football-stereotype) and Firefly Serenity. I hope for Joss Whedon's sake, it does well. He deserves to be hugely successful! And Doom!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

A Very Interesting Quiz

You are a

Social Liberal
(68% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(33% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

"You exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness."

Quite interesting, no? In this case, does this mean I have to support DAP now?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Things are never so simple

*This post was written yesterday but was not posted due to a busy day at work. It's a rant and a manifestation of my dislike for authority figures and people who think they know better, so don't expect this to be rational and bias free. Thank you very much.

I can't decide whether to go for lunch or not today. Or whether I want to have it outside or not. It's so hot outside right now.

I was reading the news and reading blogs this morning. As usual, lots bad news. Then again, what can we expect from the mainstream media. Why is that huh? Is the public so keen to read bad news?

I was reading milblogs by servicemen from Iraq and I've noticed so many good stories, some heroic, others heartwarming and others not so great. But I've also noticed that these stories from the front aren't quite as negative as the mainstream media puts it. So which is it? Who's winning? Is it really Vietnam II?

Like I always say, I think that the truth is always in the middle somewhere, halfway between the John Wayne'esque stories hawks like to tell and doom and gloom that is the mainstream news.

My opinion? America should withdraw BUT not without someone else replacing them. They cannot just pack up and leave just like that without securing Iraq. To do that would be the height of irresponsibility. And more people would hate America.

If they can't secure Iraq, then they need to find someone else to help with that. Who? I have no idea.

Of course, some people, who mean well I'm sure, are too naive to see that. I still see many antiwar folks who hold on to the idea that once America leaves, religious terrorism will magically disappear and everyone will live happily ever after. Really?

It's never quite as simple as that is it?

And talking about naivety, I read in the paper today that some well meaning but naive people think that the solution to bad habits like smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages is to either hike up the price until it becomes too expensive or a total ban.

This will not work. I can tell you that absolutely. Is this me being stupid again? Don't believe me? Believe it. Bans have been tried before and they don't work.

Why doesn't it work? Why won't people stop drinking and smoking when things get too expensive legally? Two words.

Black market. The demand is still there, so somebody will fill the gap. It's just the way it works. The idea of pricing these things out of people's reach is invalid. And no, enforcement won't work either. If it did, the Mafia wouldn't be as powerful like it is now would it?

The fundamental truth is that people are people and among other things, people hate being told what's good or bad for them. Yep, even in Malaysia. Everyone and his moral guardian brother talks about how people should not smoke/drink/mingle with the opposite gender/modify their vehicles/etc but how many people listen?

Why not listen? It's annoying and insulting that's why. People don't like being treated like they're stupid, even if what they're doing is stupid.

Take me for instance. If people treat me like a pariah because I smoke, will this make me want to stop smoking? Hell no. It will only piss me off and make me want to smoke more, just to prove a point. Juvenile and immature I know, but it's not illegal and it's still my choice right?

What can be done is to reason and educate. People will listen more if they are treated like adults and not some stupid budak kecik (small kid).

Having good intentions doesn't make it ok to be condescending and kurang ajar (rude).

People stop bad behaviour and quit bad habits on their own, and for no other reason. And certainly not because of some asshole moral guardian.

My point is that people should stop minding other people's business, whether or not they are agreeable. Opinions are fine, but not when you try to impose on other people. No one has any right to do things that are "for my own good". I'll decide that, thank you very much.

This is my opinion.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Early, Early Bird

I've been here since before 6.00am.

It's very cold here this morning. I'm at the office now. Today, I started one hour early due to the start of the fasting month. There's no one here yet. The regular office people won't show up until 8.00. I like the quiet.

I was checking my schedule and noticed a nice thing for the month of October. This Sunday, I'll be working. I won't be working on Sunday again until the middle of November. That will be so great.

The Corrs have a new album! I like it. This new one has a more Irish sound than their previous albums. This new one sounds more like their first. They even have a couple of gaelic songs included. At least I think it was gaelic anyway. I haven't ripped the CD yet.

Yesterday was another quiet day. I finally managed to drag myself out of the house in the afternoon and drive to town to buy things. I finally bought lots of blank DVDs and a new wallet.

Watched Crash yesterday. Very, very good. I'll be watching this again soon. I like ensemble movies like this. I also like the kind off surreal, dreamy vibe this movie has, despite it's heavy premise about racist stereotyping. I like the haunting score too.

Watching how some of the cast like Sandra Bullock and Brendan Frasier take roles they're not normally associated with was great fun.

Somehow, Crash feels very similar too Lost in Translation, another movie I've watched more than once. I have a big thing for movies with dreamy vibes for sure.

I also am a big sucker for sports films, hence my anticipation for this. The very fact that this movie is about football, features Newcastle United (including Alan Shearer) and set in the English Premier League is enough to make my mouth water. The story will probably be one of those stereotypical ones, but I'm not watching this for the story.

Apparently, it's about two hours long. I sincerely hope it won't be too boring.

I also saw that hilarious Chicken Little Numa Numa clip thingie yesterday. It was.....hilarious.

Apart from all this, nothing new at my end. Excuse me, I'm going for breakfast now.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Randomly Random Again

I wanted to go out today, but I have a headache.

Watched Hostage yesterday. Not bad. Bruce Willis looks unrecognizable with a beard. I was kind of expecting him to be like the character in the Die Hard series, but he wasn't like that at all. A pleasant surprise.

Been having a real good game of Barbarian Invasion. Playing the Western Romans, it's difficult and frustrating at times, what with the empire threatening to collapse on itself, the money problems and barbarian incursions. It's the most challenging and fun Total War campaign I've ever had. Good game this one.

Watched a two documentaries just now, one about the Concorde crash in 2000 and the other one about Interpol art theft investigations. Very interesting.

As can be seen, I'm doing nothing now and finding it quite relaxing. I haven't even been reading blogs all that much. Just as well. One of the bad things about reading blogs is the politics. Sadly, nowadays, blogging has its politics too. And lately, there's been one or two incidences.

Silly, childish ones involving bloggers, other bloggers and commenters.

I refuse to get involved in things like that. That was not why I started blogging and I'm not going to allow it to become that.

I would stop if that were to happen. Ok maybe not stop, maybe I'll change my URL and title. For now, I'm enjoying a quiet, idyllic online existence and I'd like to keep it that way.

Enough about that then.

Since I still have my headache and now that it's almost rush hour, I guess I won't be going out until later, maybe.

I think I'll go blogrolling now and later I'll play RTW again. The Berbers have just sacked Carthage, the Goths are still rampaging in central Gaul, the people of Ravenna don't like the church I built for them and I'll running low on funds.

Lots to do.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Guilt Tripping

Last night, Rin called me to join them at The Crib. It was quite an important night. The Crib is going on an indefinite hiatus, so to speak. Last night was their final night.

Which is a real shame. A real big shame.

A bigger shame is that thanks to my schedule, when other people can go out on weekends, I'm often too tired to go out.

Like last night. I told Rin that I was too exhausted. After I hung up, I felt this enormous wave of guilt wash over me, as everyone else who usually hangs out at the Crib was there, including some friends whom I don't see very often. I still feel bad about it in this morning. It's just like sitting under a waterfall of guilt really.

I feel bad. I wish I could've gone. Whoever was there, please know that. I wasn't being antisocial or anything like that.

Sometimes, I feel grateful about my work. Other times, I curse my schedule and the way it always clashes with everyone else's.

Yeah, sometimes there are days when I'm like that. I hate to refuse. Like sometimes, a particular friend of mine who isn't always around would ask me to go out and I wouldn't be able to because of work. I have a good reason not to go, but I feel guilty about it nonetheless.

Some people who read this entry might accuse me of having a guilty conscience. They would be right.

I admit that. That's probably why I get so defensive about certain things. What things? Well, I don't exactly know.

So the detox list is getting longer. First there's the depression, then there's the sudden anger issues and now the guilty conscience.

My parents are right. I'm one screwed up sonofabitch aren't I? I don't just need a little fixing here and there, I need a complete overhaul.

I need to remember and acknowledge that.

For all of you, I sincerely hope you all are having a great weekend. Later then..