The Things You Think You Want

So what kind of car would you like to have ? You know, if you didn't have to worry about paying for it.

That was a question my friend asked me yesterday while we were hanging out by the side of the drain in front of his house. That question isn't usually a stumper.

Except, yesterday it was.

I didn't know what car I wanted to have. Well I said it won't be an SUV, because I think SUVs are too big for me and they're hard to park.

I said it won't be any one of those luxury sports cars, especially those snazzy two seater ones. I like sedans. But I'm not really keen on Beamers and Mercs either. I'm not sure why.

My Iswara LMST is doing just fine. Could use a bit more horsepower, but I'm happy with it. One day maybe I'll be able to afford an Accord or a Civic or an Impreza or an Aveo or something similar.

The truth is I don't know. I don't know what kind of car I want to drive. In fact now that I think of it, I don't know what I really want.

I'm not just talking about material things. That list will never get shorter. For instance, I just got a camera. Next I want a 200Gb hard disk. After that, I want to to upgrade my car audio. And then later I might change something else, maybe another PC upgrade or another eletrical/electronic doodad. Maybe a GOOD guitar. No end there anytime soon.

I'm not really sure what else I want out of life.

Anyone remember about all those things we wanted to become when we were grow up ?

I wanted to be lots of things. I wanted to be a pilot because jet fighters and military aircraft fascinated me. I wanted to be an astronomer because I found astronomy fascinating too. I wanted to work in a zoo because I liked exotic animals. In fact, I still like exotic animals. And planes. And stargazing. Also archeology and paleanthology. And dinosaurs. And guns.

Ok ok I was a science nerd. I was good in Math and I liked Chemistry and Biology. There I admitted it. Hmm, I may have put a finger on why female types get repulsed by my presence.....

Anyway I'm digressing.

I'm lucky in a way that at least I got a job that was actually what I wanted to do (is that a valid sentence ? It sounds really clunky)

Now the question is : Now what ?

I have completed my education and have a decent job that pays for my lifestyle. Now what ?

I could study again. Get a degree. But I'm not keen on study. Yes it's a contradiction. I'm a science nerd who doesn't like school. If I did, it would have to be somewhere outside the country and something that's not computer related. But the bottom line is I don't feel like studying and doing things that I don't want tend to make me unhappy and pathetic. So scratch that.

I could get a new job. This might actually help. I'm working on it. But I sometimes wonder whether changing the job scenery will have any lasting benefits apart from better renumeration (hopefully). I mean people change jobs all the time and yet some of them remain as jaded as they've ever been. So maybe it's not the job.

I could get married. Absolutely out of the question. I have no potential partner and have not nearly enough money. That and plus related angst factor. With my luck, doing this could have fatal consequences. And no one should marry just because. That's like playing Russian roullete. You could get lucky. But how often does that happen ? With my luck, I'll end up with the Wrong person. Notice capital W.

I could travel. Yes, I want to do this. I want to go to Hawaii and wipe out spectacularly as I learn to surf. I want to go visit places like Borobudur, Macchu Picchu and the Pyramids of Giza, take pictures and post it on my blog. I want to visit my friend in DC and very possibly end up locking her out of her own house. Again. I want to go to England and watch a Conference League football game while hurling abuse at the ref.

Unfortunately, I'm not very rich and the collection of funds for my round-the-world frolic is going to take a while.

I'm not sure what I want. Can anyone be sure about what they want ?