Remember that thing I mentioned about the Eliza Dushku look-a-like ? Not going to do anything about it. I won't be looking up phone numbers or trying to work up a way to "bump" into her or anything like that.
I don't know her, I haven't talked to her and I have no desire whatsover for her. Granted she's very interesting and if she's interested I won't say no immediately, but I thought about it and the only reason I was agonizing over her was because of other people.
I'd rather not right now. Let people talk and say what they may.
A lot of stuff happened to me this year. Some of it good, some of it bad, most of it extremely mediocre.
I did buy a car finally. My financial state is something I can be grateful about. I can afford stuff, including some luxury items that I don't really need but want to have. Like a good video card. And my mp3/wma capable in-car audio. I now can treat my friends to lunch/dinner without batting an eyelid and without worrying whether I'll be short when I need to buy something else.
I guess that means I'm grateful for having a decent job. It can get dull sometimes but at least I don't hate it with a vengeance. I still hope to go out and do my own thing in the near future though. Ultimately that is what I want.
I'm extremely thankful for all my friends, all of them from different cliques. Too many to name, these people are the best you could ever meet. And with that, I also realize that I can be very inconsiderate and self-absorbed when I'm with them. I'd like to say how sorry I am. Whatever I said or did that was not cool, it's never deliberate. I write this here so I don't forget. I know sometimes I may not be the best friend anyone could have. I'd like to let you know that I try.
At the top of the list of good things for 2004, this lil' blog tops it without any doubts. In the course of posting this whole year, I've grown to be more aware many, many things. Like people and how we can be very different without disliking each other. It confirmed my belief that we can disagree on many issues and still be friends. The rest of the world needs to take a cue from us bloggers. It'll be a better place for sure.
It made me more aware of myself. It made me look myself in the eye, analyse and take stock. It forced me to look for flaws and weaknesses. More importantly I saw things that I needed to work at and mistakes that I would likely to repeat if I didn't blog about it. Hopefully, I won't have to.
I also met the coolest bunch of people through the Kuching Bloggers Group. I regret the fact that we didn't hang out more often. I realize we're all busy but I just wish, you know. But the times that we did meet, those times are truly unforgetable. I realize sometimes I may come across as being overeager. I'll say this right here, I hope I didn't creep any of them out. Please tell me if it is so. I hope we can hang out soon.
I'm also thankful for the other bloggers on my list whom I have come to know very well through their blogs. People who live in other parts of the world who if not for blogging I would never get to know. And readers who take precious time to read and leave comments. The feedback is priceless and I hope I can do justice to them. I can't thank you enough.
I had a crush this year and took a risk. It didn't pan out, but I learnt (or relearnt) valuable lessons. And in so learning, I hope to benefit and find a way around my own shortcomings. Perhaps one day, I'll post some good news relationship-wise. Don't hold your breath though, there is every chance that I'll never get it right. I have major problems in this area and a lot of work will be needed. It's one of those things I need to work at.
I look forward now to 2005. Perhaps things will get better. Perhaps I'll make it better. Maybe I'll get a promotion. Or a new job. That would be nice. Extra money is always nice.
Perhaps I'll meet new friends. Tis always great to meet new people, both in the real world and online.
I hope to be more resilient to pain and disappointment. I'd like to be able to shrug things of, especially rejection. And fear. I hope I get mad enough to disregard it when I need to.
My greatest wish is to repair my self-confidence. I've never admitted this openly I guess so maybe I should. Perhaps a confession is a start. My self-confidence level is inadequate. I have no idea why and where it comes from. I don't know whether the way I feel about myself is justified or is there something seriously wrong with me.
It's always been that way. I don't know how yet, but I hope to find the source of the trouble and slay the demon. God knows I need to, considering the kind of trouble it causes me.
2004 has been a year of discovery. What would be 2005 be like ? I can't wait to find out.
No comments:
Post a Comment