The One

I've been listening to Alter Bridge over & over since last night. I love it. Mark Tremonti is a brilliant guitarist. You should listen to his riffing and solos. Brilliant ! And Myles Kennedy's soaring vocals remind me of the good ole days of rock.

As much as I love talking about it, this post isn't going to be about music.

I went to my favourite watering hole last night. Went to see a girl I haven't talked to in a while. Funny how normally unspectacular a person looks when you're not obsessed about her. And funny how less conscious of your own actions you get when you don't expect anything from her. And even funnier is when this lack of self-conscience actually helps you become better company.

That's a pitfall isn't it ? So keen are we to make a good impression and not say and do the wrong thing, we end up tripping ourselves up so much we end up NOT making a good impression.

Therein lies a paradox in relationships. The more desperately you want it, the less close you get to actually getting it. But that's the tricky part. You can act non-chalant in front of someone and that nervousness will show anyway.

So I conclude that in order to not make a prat of yourself when meeting someone is to act like it's nothing. Simple, yet nearly impossible to pull off.

I had a genuinely good time last night. Good, simple, straightforward conversation over drinks. Without any emotional & psycological baggage. None of that worrying whether she likes me or not. No more trying to read her body language and trying to guess what's she's thinking.

Say it quietly, but I think I may be getting close to figuring this relationship approach thing out. It's quite the eye opener.

I guess I just need to relax and not take it too personally. And I need more practise. It's take nearly two decades to get this far, but there you go. Men are stupid sometimes. Especially this one.

I had a chat with a friend over YM last night. She asked me what am I looking for in a girl. I told her I didn't really know.

But the truth is I do know. I just never really wrote it down before.

I see her in my mind's eye. I know the way she walks. I know how she sounds like. The smell. She used to have a face. But now as I get older, her face changes. Sometimes she has straight hair, other times wavy. Sometimes she's petite. Other times chunkier. Sometimes I dream about talking to her on the phone, not knowing what she looks like.

Not that it matters anyway. It's just looks.

Despite her everchanging physical appearance, there remains a certain common thread.

I know she's laid back and relaxed, at ease with me and herself. I know I trust her and vice versa. I know that she's not into playing silly games that some people like to play when they're in love. She isn't intense nor is she needy. She can be passionate but can be discrete about it.

She's open minded and not conservative. She isn't afraid to try new things. She doesn't keep secrets from me just because she can or because she thinks its necessary.

We relate to each other. We talk. About everything. When she's upset she tells me, without expecting me to read her mind. I feel safe with her, knowing that she won't betray me or be disloyal.

And the most important thing is she is as crazy about me as I am about her. The most important thing is The Click. That chemistry.

As I'm writing this, I can see her in my head. I want to tell everyone what she's like but my words are failing me again.

And now suddenly I wonder, does she exist in the real world ? Will recognize her if I bump into her in the street. Would I know it's her ?

Who knows ? There is every chance that I may end up with someone totally different from her.

And if that happens, would she still visit me in dreams ?

Currently Listening to "Open Your Eyes" Alter Bridge, One Day Remains