Advice

My dog passed away at around 6.00 this evening just as I was about to leave for work. He was 14 years old. I feel kinda bummed. At least he didn't feel too much pain and we only realised he was gone when we checked on him. He had been sick the whole week. Some kind of bone condition, so says my mom.

It'll be weird coming home later this morning. No dog to shoo away from the porch. Wherever he is now, I hope he's ok. At least he'll never have to worry about thunder and explosions from firecrackers. He hated those.

And now, we can let the other one out of his enclosure and let him have the run of the house. I wonder if he'll wonder where the other one went to. The two of them didn't get along too well.

Am still stuck at work. With not much real work to do. I was supposed to run some tests on a brand new server we just got, but I couldn't because the damn thing only had PCI-E & PCI-X slots and I have a boxful of PCI network cards. So no go. Bummer.

In lieu of anything useful to do at home, I've finally gotten around to burning my Buffy Season 6 avi files. I'm up to ep. 12 now. I brought some of the CDs with me today, so I actually watched those. Not so boring. And Season 6 ? Not so bad the second time around. Made more sense and I finally got why Buffy was behaving like she did.

Ok enough Whedon talk. It's lonely. I'm the only Buffy fan I know around here. I remember the same thing back when I was nuts about The X-Files (especially the first 3 seasons). I was the only one of the few who were really into it.

Oooh look ! Valentine's Day is coming soon (groan). It doesn't bother me that much, really. Not as bad as it used to.

But I can't lie. It's tough when I go around and notice all these reminders that you're single. Unwanted. Forgotten. Look at all the other normal people you freak, they're with their Significant Others. Where's yours ? Oh sorry we forgot, you're a socially inept, four eyed freak. You're doomed buddy. Doomed ! Muahahahaha !!!!

Ok it's not like that actually. That was just me being a drama king. But for the record, sometimes that is what I hear in my head sometimes. Sometimes it's hard not to listen. It makes me sad.

And also for the record, please don't tell me that being single is ok and there's nothing wrong with it. I KNOW that. And yet there it is, the gnawing pangs. I so desperately need a lobotomy. Or weed. Or a good smack in the back of the head. Preferably with something heavy. And made of metal.

I want so much to be ok and write about how ok and cool everything is for the sake of my friends and all those nice people that read this and leave comments. I feel guilty when I listen to all the advice and read all the comments and NOT feel better. It's almost as if I'm not trying hard enough, like it's my fault that things can't get better. Maybe it is. I can't rule that out.

For the record again, I'm not really depressed right now. I'm just preparing for the inevitable decline in mood that the 2nd week of February will bring.

I'm not bitter. I refuse to be. I wish to feel good about those people I know that do have a reason to get excite about next week. In the spirit of the occasion, I will dispense some advise of my own. Nothing definitive or profound, just results from my own observations.

If you're in a relationship that works, be grateful. There are other people who would kill to have what you have. Please take care of each other. What you have is rare. Don't treat each other as conveniences that come when needed and disappear when not.

Learn to talk to each other. About everything. Be open and remember that neither one of you are perfect and unblemished. We all have skeletons in our closets and have done and said things that we're not proud off. Tell. Before he/she hears it from someone else, tell.

Learn to communicate. If you're not feeling good, not in the mood, say so. Don't expect your partner to suddenly be psychic and be able to read your mind. That mind reading and knowing what people feel without saying a word shit is all trashy romance novel fairytale crap.

Listen. Learn how to pay attention without being a smart ass know-it-all. Remember your relationship is about two people, not just you. You're not always the hero of the play. Sometimes you can be that person who pulls the curtains up and down.

If you want someone and she/he says no, bail. Go away and never come back. No means no. All that shit about persistence ? Also a steaming pile of crap. Chances are, when someone makes up his/her mind about you, they probably won't change it. No need to waste six years before you finally get it. No means No. Besides, NO ONE likes a pushy desperate person. So save yourself the heartache. If she/he wants to just be friends, he/she will call you.

If you like somebody and realize that you don't have a shot, don't say anything. Why ruin a good thing, especially when you are friends. Save yourself the disappointment. Unless you actually like to hear the word No and enjoy being rejected.

And finally, if things don't work out don't blame the entire gender. No one has a monopoly on suffering, heart break and pain. Both sides are capable of ripping out the still beating heart of the other and stomping on it. Both sides can lie and manipulate. Both sides have their share of predators and hapless losers. And both sides have their share of saints and angels.

Remember that.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.