These are my past mistakes I'll stay away from,
This is the truth, The only time you'll hear it,
I write it down because it seems so hard to say it,
These are my thoughts written down on paper,
It's my only saviour,
From not saying what I want to say,
There are my thoughts that are on my mind,
Moments that haven't yet been defined,
And I don't know if you could ever understand,
These are the things I can't say when we're alone"
- Truth of My Youth by New Found Glory, Catalyst
Can people help but judge someone by the blog ? Of course not. No one can be completely non-judgemental, can they ?
I try not to judge a person by their blog. For the most part, I don't. But I do imagine what a blogger is like. What they look and sound like. What their thoughts are. How can you help not to ? For many, blogs are the only thing you have to form any kind of opinion of a person. Especially those bloggers who you don't have any chance to meet, like people from other countries.
Some of these imagined images are flattering. Others are not so.
I do sometimes think,"What kind of impression am I giving through my blog ?". Even though to think that is to kinda defeat the whole purpose of blogging in the first place. My best bet is to remember that this blog is mine, therefore anyone's opinion of me formed from what is written here becomes their concern. Not mine.
Yet how many times have we censored ourselves online ? I believe that is actually a good thing. It teaches discretion. Although when you think about it, is there such a thing as a bad blogging practise ?
I sound awfully sad on this blog, especially these last two months. That's ok. I was. By all means, judge me as you please.
But I don't write everything I am here. I would like to eventually. Happy posts as well as sad ones. Eventually I would like to see this blog encompass every aspect of my person. For now the stuff on this blog is usually more often than not, stuff that I can't bring myself to say in real life.
I sometimes wish I could confide in friends. But I tend to overdo that and end up annoying them. So, I write all that stuff over here so I can annoy total strangers instead =D.
Therefore I would like to say that I'm not mopy or sad all the time. I do other stuff besides worrying about women and my lack of. I read. I listen and play music. I watch movies (though I haven't been doing that of late due to the fact that I'm broke). I surf the net. I hang out with friends. I do a whole bunch of stuff with my time.
The things that happened in the last few months are just some of the things I went through. Other bits of my life are just fine thank you very much. I've had some good times over the last two months too.
Rigth now, I'm just a little disappointed. Let me vent a bit.
I'm not upset over Flo. Well, not specifically. Getting over her is proving to be a little bit easier than I expected. I'm just a little upset over the fact that things didn't work out again. It's the same story, with different players. I haven't broken out of my rut. I still repeated mistakes and I still ended up with nothing but bruises. All this time and still the same thing.
I'm kicking myself in the ass right now. It's annoying when you do the same thing over & over again and never ever get it right.
It's frustrating. I know that I can't do anything but wait but it doesn't stop it from being frustrating. If there is a next time, I want for once not to completely lose my ability to think straight. For once, I'd like to be in control of emotions. For once, I want to use my brain the next time I meet anyone instead of heart.
I've learnt a little more over the last month or so. I hope those lessons didn't come too late.
No regrets though. It wasn't bad. She doesn't know so no drama there. It was good while it was good.
And now, I move on. There's other stuff I'd rather be doing.
And in unrelated news, *Shelley Leong has a blog !!! Yay !!! I checked out some previews at musiccanteen and I'm liking what I'm hearing.
I'm buying her CD as soon as I find it. And as soon as I get paid. There's not nearly enough female singer/songwriters in this country. Especially this genre. This girl deserves some support.
*Up & coming local singer/songwriter.
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