Tainted Love

Hmm.

It seems that my hiatuses are getting longer and longer. I'm not entirely sure why. Could it be that I need less therapy nowadays ? But no ! I shall not abandon my blog and disappoint all my friends who read it. You see, to me blogging is also an exercise in discipline. It's something that I feel like I have to do, even when I don't feel like doing it.

They'll be more entries tomorrow and the days after. I work night shift, which is increasingly becoming my favoured posting time. Plus I get all depressed and thoughtful. Maybe not depressed. Anymore.

When I'm at home, I play games and go out. No time to blog sometimes.

And talking about feelings, they be times when I observe the actions of others, remember how close their actions are to mine when I was younger and more naive, and cringe.

Yoda was wrong. You can't trust your feelings.

I have seen how feeling your feelings turn otherwise sane, pleasant people into shadows of themselves. Your feelings sometimes get in the way of doing the right thing. How it turns people into stalker weirdos who obsess and freak the hell out of their objects of desire.

Yes, I am talking about relationships. Again. I guess I write a lot about it because I don't talk about it at all nowadays.

Feel for someone, and watch how it turns you into a selfish monster, where every action and every word you say is tainted by that desire to satisfy your "feeling". That taint takes the sincerity out of your words and actions, and that taint changes you. It does.

That is what makes people do things for someone and that's what makes it hurt when it doesn't work. That taint, it makes people pushy and possesive. That taint makes it nearly impossible to be spontaneous. It makes it impossible to be yourself, the true self that the other person might actually connect with and like.

Instead, you become this creepy, pushy thing that makes people cringe. How is anyone going to be lovable when their being creepy and messed up ? How many times has it happened ? You meet someone, get enamoured by them and then make them uncomfortable and suffocate the life out of them.

Romantic love is overrated. Just about the only time it can be beautiful is when both parties feel it at the same time. I'm curious. Out of 100 meetings of two people, how times do both people connect and fall for each other ? Not so many I bet.

You might say it takes some effort. Perhaps, but the fact remains that you can't make someone fall in with love you. Their either do or don't. They have to do that for themselves. You can't make them feel that.

But wait ? Am I talking about romantic love or infatuation ? How do you tell the difference ? Or are they what I think they are, two sides of the same coin ?

I used to be an idealist. A hopeless romantic. Then real life hit me over the head and stung and burned and humiliated me in public and in front of my friends who are then annoyed by the resultant prattling about my "feelings".

What am I saying ? Don't trust your feelings. They can make you do stupid things that hurt yourself. They can lead you to the dark side.

PS. No, I'm not depressed and no I didn't get dumped or anything like that. I'm just venting. This is just an opinion. I'm fine.