Saturday, April 09, 2005

Inertia Redux

I was actually quite busy tonight, to my surprise. We're at some kind of holding pattern at work, just doing routine stuff while we wait for the management to make decisions. So, I don't expect to be too busy until next month.

Ok, that's boring. Talking about work is boring, especially when most of it is confidential and can't be mentioned in the first place.

My current personal situation is also in some kind of holding pattern. Nothing happening. Nothing really important anyway.

I watched some DVDs the last two days. That wasn't boring at least. I suppose I could write about AVP and Star Wars Ep. 2.

Except I won't, at least not this morning. My brain is on stand by mode and therefore only has enough room for one, maybe two complex thoughts.

Today, a familiar yearning suddenly came back.

It's that kind of feeling of "oh, wouldn't it be nice if....this this and this happened today and maybe I might find someone to spent Gawai with. Oh wouldn't that be so good..."

Stupid feelings. I knew I wasn't over that completely. But really, does anyone ever stop yearning for companionship ? I think not, vehemently denied the fact may be by some people.

At least it didn't hurt. Usually my yearning for "company" is accompanied with questions like "Why ? Why hasn't it happened yet ?" and feelings of inadequacy and woe.

I'm not entirely sure where did the usual angst went. It's quite a good change of pace. I can think about relationships, watch people start their relationships and provide a place for someone else to talk to about it, all without the usual doubts, questions and the pointless wondering about my own "state". It's a good change. Unfamiliar, but good.

A friend of mine posted something about change on her LJ (a locked entry unfortunately). Something about changing for the better and depsite it being a good kind of change, there is still that uncertainty there, the sense of losing identity.

I get that completely. It's CHANGE. Change is always unsettling, good or bad. Some people thrive on that. Some other people, like myself and my LJ owning friend find comfort in the familiar, occasionally even giving up positive changes just so we could keep the current familiar environment (at least that's how I feel, I can't speak for my friend or anyone else for that matter).

Deja vu. I wrote about something similar a short while ago.

You know you've been blogging a while when you start plagiarising your own entries....

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