Thursday, April 21, 2005

Boosting The Ego

I better get this done before I get swallowed up by a potential maddeningly busy day. The fact that I didn't sleep much last night is going to make today quite a challenge.

I chatted with Rin last night. I made a remark about how dull I seem to get when chatting over YM. I'm much better at conversations in real life (fortunately).

I haven't done quite a few things and I haven't settled some bills yet for this month. This weekend, I'll have to put in an extra day (night actually) of work. Good news, more money. Bad news, less rest.

I can't decide which one I want more, although the rest part appeals quite a bit to my lazy, lethargic side.

Sometimes I go back and read old entries, I've noticed that I have a few worrying tendencies. I seem to thrive on angst and emotional pain. I get a little comfortable and I start feeling paranoid and uneasy. I need to do something about this. I need to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with being okay.

A funny thing happened on Monday evening. I was out with a few friends and on the way to our hangout place one of them told me that I looked like the guitarist from Spider (local band). It's probably the hair. I was very flattered.

We hung out and talked and later as we left, that same friend burst out laughing as soon as she stepped out of the place. I asked her what's so funny ? Apparently, there were some guys sitting at the table near us and as we were leaving, one of them looked at us and told his other friends,"Look, it's that guy from Spider !".

I laughed. And then I went,"Errrhmmm" and "Huh?" and "Eh ?" and "Wha...?". Obviously, these kind of things don't happen very often. In fact, this is probably the first time I've ever been mistaken for a celebrity. It's kind of embarassing. But better than having people laugh and point, that much I can say.

Needless to say, my ego got a good boosting that day. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Monday was a good day. I managed to catch up with friends (who are girls, by the way) whom I don't hang out with quite as often as I like and I may have made a new acquaintance.

I just noticed that most of the new friends I've been making are women. I also notice that none of them are single (except maybe one or two who are not and will never be interested in me). Well, can't have everything...

I admit I sometimes get envious. Some of my friends have maintained long, healthy relationships. But such is my lot. I may be occasionally envious, but I'm glad for them and grateful that they're around.

In hindsight, perhaps it's better to be by yourself then to cling to a bad relationship just so you could claim that you are involved with someone.

Unless you thrive on pain, like myself. Which is silly really.

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