Wishes

I read this rather interesting article in The Star, which is my favourite daily newspaper.

I found it rather funny, even though I'm sure the people mentioned in the article would disagree with that.

I had several different reactions when I read that article. One thing, I'm surprised that even in the New Millenium people can be really old-fashioned. But I guess everyone knows that so I shouldn't really be surprised.

Also evident is the power of The Stereotype. Like the "intelligent women are arrogant and materialistic" Which is lame. And not true, mostly. If a woman is arrogant and materialistic, I wouldn't describe her as intelligent now would I ?

Anyways, for the most part I disagree with most of the article. But then again, I don't have the expectations that some of the men mentioned have.

I'm rather amused that some guys even nowadays seem to want a maid instead of a real wife/girlfriend. Fine, it'll be nice if she's the domestic type, is a good cook and is good with kids. But if that's all she is and nothing else, I'll be bored to tears. I think there's more to a person that domestic skills and intelligence.

But that's just me.

To me, the problems described in the article is a result of a huge, inter-gender misunderstanding. And also unrealistic expectations.

Again, that's just me.

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In my last post some people left some really good comments, which I really appreciate. It's great when there's feedback, especially well thought out, non troll-like ones .

I read them and thought about it.

Yes it's true. I should be more of a go-getter. I shouldn't let rejection affect me as much as it does (and believe me when I say I'm very annoyed by this fact). I cannot tell you how much I wish I was a go-getter. The real kind, not the deluded pretend kind.

I wish so hard that I could just snap my fingers and instantly be totally secure and instantly be immune to the disappointment of being rejected. I want to be free of my flaws and stupid hang-ups and be up-front, funny, witty, intelligent, fascinating, warm, sociable, charismatic etc etc. But instead of being that guy, I'm just me. And I'm not any of those things.

I'm not the epitomy of manliness by admitting this but yeah, I'm not much of a so-called go-getter. For someone to walk up to a total stranger and have a decent chance of pulling off a good social encounter, the necessary ingredient is confidence. See ? I know that.

What I don't know is how do I get that confidence. From where ? As you can tell, confidence is not really one of my virtues.

And there's the Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of humiliation. Which apparently is more powerful than a fear of never knowing. See, I know I have to conquer that fear. And not just in relationships either but in everything. See ? I know this too.

And yet here I am with the clammy hands ! How do I get rid of it ? What am I supposed to do ? I don't know how.

I know I'll have to risk rejection and I know I'll have to try. But still, here I am writing about the same shit again. I can't seem to get it done and I hate it. Something is wrong here, isn't there ?

Ok, whatever happens in the nearest future is irrelevant. Right now, I still want to keep away. I'm exhausted and not a little disillusioned by this. I want to do other things and get the other parts of my life on track. Of course, since it's always there in the back of my head I'll be writing about this again and again.

Perhaps anytime now, something will click in my head and I'll find the key to unlock everything. Perhaps sometimes soon, I'll know exactly what to do, what to say, be confident and be unafraid.
But for now, I don't really feel up to it.

For now at least , it stays this way. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't. So be it.

As if I can do anything about it right now anyway...