Being Silly Again

I'm going away at the end of the year. Not "away" away, but away from town and my house. We're beachbound on the 31st. Last night, me & a bunch of friends met and discussed details of the planned beach getaway/party. It's going to be great fun.

I hope it doesn't rain on the night. There's going to be at least two chalets. There's going to be booze, food and loud music. I'm bringing my guitar. We're thinking about hiring a PA system. We haven't decided on the collection yet, but a bottle each is mandatory. I'm going to get my usual Smirnoff and orange juice combo. A surefire hit. Or try to make tequila sunrise.

And most importantly, there will be friends. And possibly women. Whom we hope will accept us for who we are and be cool with us instead of being all judgemental and whine about the lack of luxurious amenities and such.

There are times I hate local women (as in Sarawakians), especially those of my own race. Their superficiality, pettiness and shallowness have to be seen to be believed.

I know that's a sweeping statement and it's definitely not true. There are cool women here too. Only cool women are so hard to find and hook up with. Plus all that mutually jitteriness when meeting strangers doesn't help make it any easier.

Fine, I realize that I'm not the paragon of idealness for most of them, hence the dismissal and lack of opportunities.

Ok that's enough. I should stop thinking about women and myself.

I wish I could just deactivate that part of myself that desires company and feels alone when I don't/can't get any. It's just so inconvenient. Plus it makes me look (and more importantly feel) like a touchy-feely wuss. Like this morning, there's no one here but me. The rest of the people here work normal hours and haven't arrived yet. And I feel starkly alone.

It's making me sad. *tries to snap out of it* Maybe it's the weather that's making me feel like this.

I need to stop wondering and asking impossible-to-answer questions. Or is that questions-I-already-know-the-answers-to-but-won't-acknowledge-them ? I need to stop thinking about this.