Vibey Pt 2

Let's play a little game shall we ? I got this meme from here. Try it. It's fun. This is what you do :-

1. Grab the nearest CD or mp3 or wma or whatever song related media that applies to you.

2. Put it in your CD-Player (or start your mp3-player, I-tunes, etc.).

3. Skip to Song 3 (or load the 3rd song in your playlist)

4. Post the first verse in your journal along with these instructions. Don’t name the band, nor the album-title.

This is what I have. Can you guess what song that is ?

"Bravely I look further than I see
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is
And there's something right in front of me and I"

I'm at work now and that was taken from my mp3 collection here. It's a gorgeous song.

I'm into jangly, mid-tempo, easy-going rock alternative music in a big way since I got sick. It's the hormones you know. The hormones affect the emotion. In fact, some may say the hormones ARE the emotions. I don't entirely disagree. I always feel like this when I recover from illness.

Talking about emotions, I was contemplating whether I should try to stretch my rather limited ability to describe abstract concepts by trying to describe what is it exactly that is so compelling about the end of year hols and the eve of festive occassions. Contemplate I did and here I am. I will now try to describe a FEELING. This is going to be a disastrous post, I just know it.

I've mentioned before that I'm a very vibey person. Each day, I wake up and the first vibe I feel will largely determine how I see the day. Some days, the littlest bad vibe early on will ruin the entire day. Likewise, a good vibe can save it even if I feel it in the last minutes.

Everything, everyone I meet and every situation I find myself in carries a "vibe", if you can call that. Call it vibe, undercurrent, aura and whatever else but I think it's the same thing.

There's this feeling that I get at the end of year, every year. It's a mix of warm fuzziness, a little bit of the awwww factor and a slight pinch of melancholy and nostalgia and a largish dose of dopey happiness all rolled into one. I keep to myself even more than usual around this time and some years I get very, extremely depressed and lonely(er). Not this year though. In fact I feel strangely content.

Am I crazy or is that a genuine emotion that I'm feeling. Is there a word for it ? (No, holiday blues is not it. It's something else for sure)

Crazy or not, that's what I've felt since the month started. It's a wonderful feeling. I wish it won't end. Better than the bright, harsh coldness of January at any rate. Or the seemingly endless days of March.

Yes, I'm a strange person. Perhaps that is why the typical Sarawakian girl finds me rather...errr untypical and strange. Which is a shame because the one thing that will top this now is if I had someone to share all this inexplicable euphoria.

I could really use a "harmless" fling right now. This reminds me, a few years ago (1996 I think) I DID have a "harmless" fling with the most perfectly gorgeous and sophisticated Iban girl at the end of the year. That was the absolute best time I've had during the Christmas season.

Unfortunately for her, instead of dopey happiness from me she got annoying whinyness and raging envy instead (she had many, many, many admirers). Occasionally I remember the things I said and done and slap my forehead. Hard. Stupid, stupid Mac.

It would so rock if I could have a fling like that right about now. My general mood is just right for it.

But not for me the furrowed brow. Bygones will be just that. Not this year. I have a feeling this year end will be a good one, whether or not I have any company to share it with.

Ok, I feel refreshed now. Unloading is nice like that.