Word Vomit

Yes!!

It’s the last day of November and I can’t wait.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I love the last month of the year. A month of joy and hope and closure and beginnings of new beginnings. A month of Christmas sales and shopping opportunities. And the PC fair this weekend ! It’s going to be fun.

For me, it’s more. It’s a month for (more) introspection and evaluation. A month for looking back and looking forward. And I also think with its hopeful vibes, a good month to meet people.

The cynical may say that I’m being overly sentimental and silly for equating a unit of temporal measurement to anything significant. And they’re right. I am being sentimental. And right again, the months and days and weeks are just temporal units. But for me, each month carries memories and things carried over from previous months from previous years. Each experience good or bad, helps colour each different month. And the most colourful of all the months is December.

So many good things happen in the December. I started my first (and so far only) relationship in December. In the mid nineties, I had a fling with someone starting in December. I had wild parties and fantastic jam sessions in December. So yeah, by association December is a great month. Pavlovian much ? Very.

I’m aware that I sound like a crazy person. So what, I can be crazed if I want to.

It’s been raining more frequently too. I like rain. I like the cool temperatures and the drizzle. Unlike most of the people I know, I don’t really mind walking in rain and getting drenched. Except when I’m at work of course.

It's really weird. Right now, I sitting here writing this rather sentimental post and feeling rather guilty about it. There's that social programming again. The one that says men such not entertain such things as feelings and vibes and must be practical all the time. There's this voice in my brain that tells me I should write about cars and chicks and computer games instead of my regular word vomit.

Social programming is hard to shake off isn't it ? It's also stupid. There's nothing wrong with writing about chicks and cars and computer games and gadgets of course. It's just that I somehow seldom feel like it.

I'm also thinking that this is why there are more female then male bloggers around, especially locally.

Actually, that's a good question. Why is it that more women blog than men ? Is it because women are more internet savvy ? Is it because women are better with words ? That women are more sentimental ?

Must there be a difference between a male & female blog ? Are there such things ? Am I insane and do I think too much ?

And is it just here or is it a global thing that happens everywhere ? Someone should publish bloggers' demographic data.

I bet it'd make an interesting read.

There's a Point in Here Somewhere....

A good friend of mine has finally started blogging !! Come hither and give your support. She is an educator so expect good posts from her.

The more friends start blogging, the more pleased I am. But I think so far, only three of my friends have started blogs.

I remember talking to some friends about this blogging/online journal thingamajig. I remember them being rather incredulous and going,"Dude, you post your diary online ? Aren't you embarassed ? Isn't that weird ?"

I guess not everyone feels comfortable putting themselves out like this. Which is fine by me. Whatever rocks your boat. If you think it's weird to post thoughts on a public place like the Internet, that's fine. Don't do it then. But I don't think it's weird so here I am in all my longwinded glory.

A tip for the shy newbie blogger wannabe; if you want to blog but are afraid that someone you know finds out that it's you, try keeping the blog anonymous and don't tell anyone. It might make blogging more relatable.

Hey ! De ja vu. I may have written about this before. And if so, please forgive me for being repeato-guy. Aside from the usual introspection, not much blog fodder now.

Well, anyways back to the weirdness of blogging/online journalling. In our conservative Asian society, it is kinda weird to be so open about one's self. Most people would insist on you to put your best face forward and make the good impression. In our society, looking and acting "perfect" is a real big deal. Nobody likes to talk about the bad stuff going on. Everybody's got a broom to sweep the uglies under the carpet. In our society, impressions are everything.

How many times have we heard the phrase,"Aren't you worried about what people are going to say ?" I ask, who ? What people ?

Sometimes, I worry too. That's just an automatic response caused by years of subliminal social programming. But mostly ? Not really. Ya see, I believe that people in general have enough problems on their own. Sure there are your usual number of busy-bodies and nosy people around, usually people who have to much time on their hands.

But really, if these opinions come from people who don't matter to me then their opinions don't really matter either. It's too hard to take into account EVERYONE'S opinion. And yet how many of us are hamstrung by the thought of not fitting in to people's general perception.

Humans are social animals and therefore want to belong somewhere.

I'm not saying that people need to rebel and break the status quo. I'm just saying that if someone wants to do or be something other than the usual expected thing, they should go ahead and do it public opnion be damned. As long as it's not illegal. Or otherwise bad in anyway.

I have noticed one thing. Our conservative Asian society is opening up slowly. More people care now about things that matter. People are beginning to be less interested in sweeping things under the carpet and pretending everything's hunky dory. People are more keen on bringing out problems and trying to solve them.

That's a good thing.

Currently Listening to "Pictures of Success" Rilo Kiley

Single

It's Official. Need For Speed Underground 2 is Evil. I've been playing it non-stop for almost two days. Streamyx is Evil too. Internet access used to be my usual excuse for stepping out of the house for a few hours.

I must get out of the house and away from the computer tomorrow. The fact that my driver's license is going to expire may help motivate me. Notice the use of the word "may".

Gosh, I've been so lazy lately. The unfortunate side-effect of my year end nostalgia-melancholy-reclusive-warm-fuzziness-fest.

I read a really good post on Sativa's blog. It got even better once the comments started to roll in. Something about being single at a certain age.

Society has many unwritten rules like that doesn't it ? One of them being females must be married by 30. To a lesser extent this applies to men too although the threshold is a bit more flexible. An older single male will tend to get labeled dirty old man if he's not married at a certain age, true ?

Let's ask a question. Which is more disastrous in society, the number of single women over thirty or the number of broken mariages ?

That reminds me, I've often been accused of being "fussy" about a partner. I bet many of my still single friends get this a lot too. Especially the women.

Let's ask another question. Define "fussy". How about the so-called non-fussy people ? Let's ask yet another question. Would you marry any stranger just to prove that you're not fussy ? I hear this "fussy" term bandied around a lot. I bet people who accuse people of being fussy don't know what they mean by that.

I agree, some people may have highly unrealistic expectations regarding life partners. If so, they need to reevaluate and ground themselves in reality. That's a personal thing so not much can be said about that.

I'm 31 and still single. To be honest, I'd rather not be single. But I've not had any luck whatsoever. Neither am I ready yet for such a thing as marriage. Okay, maybe people can say I should just settle for whatever's available. That sounds like a bunch of crock to me. I cannot imagine myself being stuck in a fake marriage just to have babies and satisfy a so-called societal requirement.

If I can't have the relationship that I want then I'd rather be single. It's better for everyone.

People can remain single because they want to be. They can also be single because they haven't found anyone yet. Or sometimes, because they haven't been found yet. It's hardly a question of being "fussy".

To me, being single can be a problem if you don't want to be single in the first place. Being single and being contented with you being single is not. Depends on the motivation.

One last question. Which is worse, being single and being ok with it or being married and regretting it for the rest of your life ?

Marriage is a big deal. Don't do it for the wrong reasons. Don't take it lightly. Could prove fatal.

Currently Listening to "Madhouse" Anthrax Spreading the Disease

Middle of the Week...

In the last three days I saw FOUR accidents while I was out driving. Two on Tuesday morning, one yesterday morning and one more just now. And all of these accidents occured at roundabouts. Since we all know that all roundabouts are natural bottlenecks you know what that means ?

Instant traffic jam that's what. So driving about was less fun these few days what with the jostling for space alongside big dump trucks and SUVs and the riding of the clutch in 1st gear. And rude motorcyclists.

Which is a pity because I do enjoy driving.

I'm also sick again. The annoying not-really kind of sickness where I'm not sick enough to stay at home and not well enough to enjoy myself. I went to see the MA here yesterday and he said I'm suffering from exhaustion (!). That's never happened before.

Nevertheless, I'm determined to have a good time tomorrow what with it being an off day and all that. I'm going to go to a friend's house and we're going to have a nice, quiet relaxing barbecue. Which reminds me, I need to brush up on some acoustic songs to play. Also, I need to ask my friend to show me how to play Metallica's Nothing Else Matters.

I'm starting to play guitar again. I have been neglecting it for far too long. I doodled with my guitar yesterday morning for the first time in many months. It felt great. I need to buy a new acoustic. The one I have now doesn't quite satisfy and I don't want another electric since my brother's got one already. And he hardly uses that one. Plus I don't have a band anymore.

Speaking of which, we're having a band reunion somewhere next month ! This is going to be great. Being in a band is cool. The rest of the band will be returning from their various travels for Christmas.

The end of November is near. Soon the year will end. I'm probably going to write an ultra long post and do an assessment the year past. Overall ? It's been a good year.

And finally, some torrent news. I downloaded an "unofficial" Buffy soundtrack that beats the hell out of the the two official soundtracks. This one has THIRTY EIGHT songs, all of which appeared in Buffy episodes. It's got some very rare stuff on it. It's awesome. I likey.

For good measure, I also downloaded the Once More With Feeling OST. For you non-Buffy folks, that's the musical episode. Very nice.

PS - To all those people who commented on the last few posts, thanks. It's awesome that you guys take time out to share their thoughts and opinions with me. Happy Thanksgiving !

Currently Listening to "Charge" Splendid, Ultimate Buffy Soundtrack

Wasted Weekend

I had my timetable all figured out.

I was going to put extra links on my blog roll and links list. I was going to fix a broken PC for a friend of mine. I was going to send my wheel caps for respraying (I think white caps on a red car looks really spiffy). I was going to continue updating the info for my entire music collection (I'm up to E so far). I was supposed to call friends and give them things.

Since it's me & my life we're talking about here, I ended up playing this. For the last 36 hours (minus sleep & food time of course).

If you thought the first NFS Underground was good, this new one blows the old one far, far away. It's un-frigging-believable. The perfect racer to allow anyone to live out their Vin Diesel/Paul Walker-esque fantasies.

What do you get ? Apparently 30 plus vehicles (including SUVs !! I have a Hummer in my garage.) A huge city complete with suburbs, harbour, airport, freeways and flyovers that you can roam around in as you please in your souped up ride (since this game is American, please remember to drive on your RIGHT). New events to take part in. New mods. New vinyls, paintwork, wheels and parts for your engine.

And the absolute best part of all, tuning. The game now allows you to MANUALLY tweak stuff like fuel/air mix (ECU), suspension height & spring rate, the turbo unit, downforce (yes, that big ass spoiler you bought actually has an actual function now besides providing a place for you to hang your laundry from !!) and even brake and steering bias ! I also like the fact that you now can choose to mount 18" inch wheels when you buy them from the wheel shop.

EA nailed it perfectly this time. Fantastic.

Okay that's enough game talk. All I can say is this :- You like hot rides you can soup up and run really quick ? You like fancy cars ? Have a powerful PC ? Buy this game.

---------

I did go out last night though (Saturday night). I went to pass a few CDs to a friend of mine who in turn passed me some Red Hot Chilli Peppers stuff. Later I went to see a girl.

Yes, I went to see THAT girl. The one I was so hung up on a few months ago.

It's official. THAT was a bout of temporary insanity. What was I thinking ? I went to see her and we ended up doing not much at all. She's still nice and all but I must admit one thing.

She's as boring as a cardboard box.

We have nothing in common. NOTHING. We have nothing much to talk about at all. Geez. Yes, I'm stupid like that. Please hit me over the head with a croquet mallet. Thank you.

So people (esp. the men), whenever you meet someone and go completely nuts over her despite not knowing a single thing about her please desist and step back a bit. This usually means you are exactly that. Nuts.

Besides when one is feeling that crazed about someone else, that usually leads to things like heartache, the saying & doing of wrong things and public embarassment. And any number of other unpleasant things and feelings.

And so, I do hope there is something to learn from all that. At least one thing, actions based totally on feelings = bad. Don't completely trust the heart folks. It doesn't have YOUR best interest in mind when it goes off like that.

Try it and you will see what I mean. Of course, I could still be wrong so feel free to correct me ok ?

Traipsing Down Memory Lane (Again)

"Do I Hate You?

No, I Don't Think So

Words Don't Describe What My Feelings Know

Do I Hate You?

No, and I Refuse to Go

Down to Your Level Just to Feed My Ego

Do I Hate You?

Yes, I Got it off My Chest

I Hate You for Making Me Regress"

- H8 Red, Anthrax, Persistence of Time

...and what better way to do it than with the sounds of Anthrax's Persistence of Time roaring in the background.

I've just downloaded 11 COMPLETE Anthrax albums, all of which are no longer available in Malaysia (I've tried looking). They are (album title; release date) :-

• Fistful of Metal - Jan 1984
• Armed & Dangerous - Feb 1985
• Spreading the Disease - October 1985
• Among the Living - March 1987
• State of Euphoria - Sep 1988
• Persistence of Time - August 1990
• Attack of the Killer B's - June 1991
• Sound of White Noise - May 1993
• Live : The Island Years - April 1994
• Stomp 442 - October 1995
• Return of the Killer A's - November 1999

The ones that I remember with the highest degree of fondness are State of Euphoria & Persistence of Time, which was the first Anthrax album I bought.

I tend to be very fond of anything that has to do with the years 1989-1990. I was 17. That was my last year in secondary school. I discovered extreme forms of heavy metal in a big way. I was in trouble with religious people for listening to "the devil's music". I fell in with the so-called "bad" crowd, which was not bad at all I found it. In fact, to my surprise my new disenfranchised metal friends were more accepting of me than the so-called "good" people. I wonder why....

I played two instruments in at least two bands. We jammed every week, despite being perpetually broke.

Despite all that and problems at home which I'd rather not talk about, I was an ace student. And a prefect. I met many, many fabulous women and became friends with at least half of them (the other half were not single and/or too stuck up). Life was simple and many things were still black & white, or at least they appeared to be.

The vibe I feel as I write this is identical to the vibes I felt back then. Ahh nostalgia. Good for the soul no ? I think so.

All these memories, swirling around in my head. Those were the best of times, those were the worst of times.

Damn I'm old.

Now if I could go to back 1990 again, would I do it any differently ? Honestly I wouldn't know. What would you do if you could go back in time with what you know now ?

Currently Listening to "H8 Red" Anthrax Persistence of Time

Edit: I'm listening to songs from the State of Euphoria album and I'm amazed at how relevant the lyrics still are even today, 16 years down the line.

No Subject

I've got nothing to write about and it's very early in the morning. And yet here I am. Posting again.

It's hard being someone who generally has an aversion to work. The mere mention of the word makes me tired. Yes, I'm lazy and unambitious. So ? I do sometimes like my work but not when I've been infected by the holiday bug. How I wish I had 30 days of leave left. I would take them all right now and become a couch potato until the middle of January. As it turns out, I only have 3.7 days of leave and those days are already committed for Christmas week.

I hate how time crawls when I'm drooling with anticipation. I can't wait for this year to end.

Blogwise this has been the quietest 36 hours I've ever witnessed. Only 3 blogs in my list were updated. I know everyone is busy with the festivities of Raya (Eid) but nevertheless I found the lack of updates disturbing. It's as if everyone just disappeared. That's how much blogging means to me now. I've developed a dependancy.

It's too bad I have to work during this week. I'm missing out on all the visiting and other things we get up to during festive occasions. So friends who are celebrating, I didn't visit you all not because I'm antisocial but because I'm working. And how I dislike to work during festive season.

As you can see, once again this is a pointless rambly post. But that's the point. The point here is not to have a point. Sometimes it's just so exhausting to think of a "serious" subject to write about. I really admire those people who write about current issues & politics. Those subjects need A LOT of research. Some of these bloggers do it EVERY DAY too. I marvel.

But then again, unlike me these people are probably less lazy & unambitious. Oh well.

And while I'm at it, I actually have very definite opinions about what's happening around me. About Fallujah. About Ops Warta and the on-the-spot fine crap. About idiot drivers who block traffic and road hog thinking that driving excruciatingly slowly = safe. About Proton's inconsistent build quality. About people who automatically hate locally made products just because they're made here and not some foreign Western country. About the PBDS disaster.

I have opinions on these things and more. But I'm just so lazy you know. Imagine the amount of research I have to do.

And people who shoot their mouth of about things without doing their research makes excellent blog fodder too. Perhaps another day.

When I'm not too lazy.

Currently Listening to "Almost Happy" K's Choice, Ten Years of K's Choice

Vibey Pt 2

Let's play a little game shall we ? I got this meme from here. Try it. It's fun. This is what you do :-

1. Grab the nearest CD or mp3 or wma or whatever song related media that applies to you.

2. Put it in your CD-Player (or start your mp3-player, I-tunes, etc.).

3. Skip to Song 3 (or load the 3rd song in your playlist)

4. Post the first verse in your journal along with these instructions. Don’t name the band, nor the album-title.

This is what I have. Can you guess what song that is ?

"Bravely I look further than I see
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is
And there's something right in front of me and I"

I'm at work now and that was taken from my mp3 collection here. It's a gorgeous song.

I'm into jangly, mid-tempo, easy-going rock alternative music in a big way since I got sick. It's the hormones you know. The hormones affect the emotion. In fact, some may say the hormones ARE the emotions. I don't entirely disagree. I always feel like this when I recover from illness.

Talking about emotions, I was contemplating whether I should try to stretch my rather limited ability to describe abstract concepts by trying to describe what is it exactly that is so compelling about the end of year hols and the eve of festive occassions. Contemplate I did and here I am. I will now try to describe a FEELING. This is going to be a disastrous post, I just know it.

I've mentioned before that I'm a very vibey person. Each day, I wake up and the first vibe I feel will largely determine how I see the day. Some days, the littlest bad vibe early on will ruin the entire day. Likewise, a good vibe can save it even if I feel it in the last minutes.

Everything, everyone I meet and every situation I find myself in carries a "vibe", if you can call that. Call it vibe, undercurrent, aura and whatever else but I think it's the same thing.

There's this feeling that I get at the end of year, every year. It's a mix of warm fuzziness, a little bit of the awwww factor and a slight pinch of melancholy and nostalgia and a largish dose of dopey happiness all rolled into one. I keep to myself even more than usual around this time and some years I get very, extremely depressed and lonely(er). Not this year though. In fact I feel strangely content.

Am I crazy or is that a genuine emotion that I'm feeling. Is there a word for it ? (No, holiday blues is not it. It's something else for sure)

Crazy or not, that's what I've felt since the month started. It's a wonderful feeling. I wish it won't end. Better than the bright, harsh coldness of January at any rate. Or the seemingly endless days of March.

Yes, I'm a strange person. Perhaps that is why the typical Sarawakian girl finds me rather...errr untypical and strange. Which is a shame because the one thing that will top this now is if I had someone to share all this inexplicable euphoria.

I could really use a "harmless" fling right now. This reminds me, a few years ago (1996 I think) I DID have a "harmless" fling with the most perfectly gorgeous and sophisticated Iban girl at the end of the year. That was the absolute best time I've had during the Christmas season.

Unfortunately for her, instead of dopey happiness from me she got annoying whinyness and raging envy instead (she had many, many, many admirers). Occasionally I remember the things I said and done and slap my forehead. Hard. Stupid, stupid Mac.

It would so rock if I could have a fling like that right about now. My general mood is just right for it.

But not for me the furrowed brow. Bygones will be just that. Not this year. I have a feeling this year end will be a good one, whether or not I have any company to share it with.

Ok, I feel refreshed now. Unloading is nice like that.

My New Phone and Other Stuff

I bought a new phone yesterday, a Motorola C380. I was going to buy a used Nokia 3100, but the C380 was so much cheaper and it was brand new too. I'm a big Nokia fan, but the C380 looks good. The only problem I have with this phone now is the casing. It's virtually impossible to crack open and once opened virtually impossible to put back together. Price USD100 exactly. I like it.

Of course, that means my new ATI 9600 graphics card will have to be shelved for now.

I've noticed that my grammar in the last post was atrocious again. Gee, I really must stop posting in the wee hours of the morning like that.

Tomorrow is Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Also known as Eid or Eid Il Fitr to you foreigners. No matter, I wish all celebrants a blessed and tranquil Eid. I have to go to work tomorrow night and during the day, I have to follow a mechanic to fix my parents car so I won't be doing any visiting. But have a good holiday to all of you who will be off work and celebrating.

What am I doing home on a Saturday night ? Same thing I'm wondering.

You get to a certain age when you're social life doesn't seem so hot anymore. My friends are busy with their own individual things, as am I. We don't get together as much as before and even if we did it's just not quite the same. We don't call each other up as much and if we do, it's just to say hello and what's up and stuff. It seems that more & more of us are getting homelier and homelier.

Say it quietly, but I think we're growing apart.

It's not quite so easy making new friends either. I've tried. At the factory, outside the factory. I make good acquaintances & colleagues just fine, but to make really close friends ? Well, those things happen by themselves I suppose. I made some new friends, but to become part of that a circle is getting harder now. My new friends are great but somehow it's not working the way I remember how it used to work before.

It's fine though. The wheel of life keeps turning and that's just the way it is. People grow apart, people grow closer. People change and their relationships change with them. Changes are inevitable and inexorable.

I think it gets harder to meet new people when you get older is because you tend be warier and more careful about opening up. If you meet someone who is the same as you that way, it's hard to get close when neither one wants to open up.

Knowledge and experience is bad like that. It's sometimes better to be trusting and naive.

But what can one do, that's just the way it is.

Here endeth the rambling.

Religion Not Freaky

My phone died today. Bye bye Nokia 3310. It was about time I got me a new one anyway. So if anyone tried to call me today but couldn't get through, now you know why. Same thing with SMSes. I wasn't being rude or lazy.

How dependentl are we on technology nowadays ? Very. I literally panicked when I discovered that I couldn't turn the damn thing on. I don't panic. Over much. Usually. And so I drove very hastily to town to get it fixed, but decided not too since I think it cost too much to justify the repair.

So tomorrow hopefully I'll have a new phone. I have discovered that I cannot stand being isolated and phoneless.

And talking about being lazy, I owe people e-mail. I promise I'll write as soon as I can find something to write about. Very soon. Maybe tomorrow evening.

Let's see what else is happening around here.

The night after I wrote this post, a bunch of carollers came to the house. From St. Paul's, which is the church my parents go to. They sang songs and made lots of noise. I was already asleep by then by I could hear them. This kind of noise, I don't mind at all.

Those people are the loveliest people you could ever meet. See, not all religious people are stupid. Or ignorant. Or intolerant. Or judgemental. I like these people, you could see how into it they are with church work but never do they expect you to be like them nor to they expect you to be perfect. They have never imposed anything on me or my family and that's great because that's how it should be done. I spent my early childhood amongst these people and they have been nothing but nice to everyone.

They got it right. The way to tell the message of God is to show it, not by shoving it down people's throats.

It's so unfortunate that people take cues from moronic zealots instead of peacable people like these for insight on what religion is supposed to be about. Why is that ? I guess maybe bad shit stands out more.

I could go on and on about said zealots but nah. I won't. There will always be morons so long as they are people. Heck, I can be a moron myself sometimes.

The only thing I can say about this now is that the louder someone proclaims that he/she is a messenger of God, the less likely he/she actually is.

Actually, I quite like to talk about religion. But usually I do that when I'm not sleepy and not when it's four in the morning. I might continue this in another post.

Night y'all.

Bleh... Part II

The second part of a post. But not the one I meant in the last one.

I woke up bright & early on Tuesday morning fully expecting to go to work when I discovered that I was still sick. Sicker than I was on the previous day.

That sucked.

And so in the end, I didn't go anywhere and do anything again. I hate to spend days like that. Seems like such a waste. I know sick people should sit & chill out at home, but it's just me. If I don't go out or see anyone or get in the car and drive a minimum of ten minutes then my day is totally wasted.

Since I was still sick, I couldn't really write or do much else. Happily enough, Rome : Total War kept me occupied. Despite spending seven hours fending off Brutii Romans to the west and Pontus to the east (I was Greek) while simultaneously trying to build an economy, it turned out to be more relaxing than it was stressful. I especially enjoyed recapturing Thermon from the Romans. They sallied twice and I beat them twice. HUGE battles.

The battles in that game have to be seen to be believed. I'm enjoying it. I do have one very important question to all you history buffs out there. How do you defeat elephant riders ? They seem to be unkillable.

Am at work now and feeling quite sore.

And talking about sore, I was reading a forum IMDB just now. Something to do with Eliza Dushku. Something about whether anyone's met her and whether she was nice or not. Some say yes and some say no. And some others say totally unrelated things. These internet forums are totally ludicrous sometimes.

If I met Eliza Dushku, I'd bring her for coffee. That is, if I don't freeze up and say something really stupid. Or if I can get pass her security detail.

But seriously, I think she's great. I enjoy her work. Too bad Tru Calling got canceled.

Ok. I have to got to work now. Laters.

Religion freaky ?

Attention: The following post has religious references

"Judge not, that ye be not judged" - Matthew 7:1

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." - Luke 6:36-38

"As for those who seemed to be important–whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance–those men added nothing to my message." - Galatians 2:5-7

"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. " - Colossians 2:15-17

I recall a little incident back in college.

Back in my second year, a whole bunch of us were called for a "meeting" with a bunch of Christian seniors. It wasn't pleasant.

It was about crucifixes. (I had an 8 inch long wooden one in my room given by my parents) And my catholic friends' rosaries. (I'm Anglican, therefore rosaries are optional) And pictures of Jesus.

We were all accused of idolatry. A little background would help I think.

Our accusers were from the so-called new Charismatic brand of Christianity. We, the accused were from the traditional houses of the Church. Anglicans, Roman Catholics, Methodists etc.

We tried to explain why we had those things. That these objects are symbols of our faith, as opposed to objects of worship. We tried to explain tradition and ritual. To no avail.

Some of these so-called "brothers" were so vehement with their accusations that I'm sure if this happened a hundred years ago we all would've been lynched. Or burnt at the stake as heretics. Or subjected to some other grisly, slow, painful sort of death.

We didn't back down. It was tense for a while. But that's not the point of this post.

Religion isn't very popular these days. Especially with the younger crowd. Wonder why ?

There are many reasons. People like these are one of them. You see that's the great paradox. I don't ever recall the command to be generally jugdmental ANYWHERE in the Bible. Why does this happen ? Why does believe in a god infect some people with the need to prove that their way is right ?

In Christianity, the greatest demand is to love and keep your half of the bargain for salvation. Not to make a general nuisance of yourself. Not to judge and to put people down just because you don't understand their way. How come so many "Christians" forget that. You know, this is one reason why I don't mind people making jokes and mocking faith. Considering how some people behave, how can they not be the butt of jokes ?

Human nature is weird like that. Also annoying like that.

Everywhere you go, you meet people who somehow think that they know better. If you read enough blogs, you'll see enough idiots telling the blogger what to write/not to write or how to live their lives.

The problem again is people. Not religion. Not anything else. It's people and all their damned issues that manifest themselves through tactless, callous behaviour.

As anyone who can read and watch TV can tell you, ignorance, human nature and religious zealotry can be a deadly combination. In my second year, I saw that first hand. For the one & only time in my life, I was persecuted for a belief.

I'm still shocked.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this post.

Bleh..

I'm not feeling well. I can barely write. Or think. My throat is kinda sore and I'm feeling a little feverish.

So I haven't done anything this weekend. I went to the PC fair yesterday and saw a few things that I wanted, but I don't have any money yet. I'm thinking about buying an ATI graphics card. Soon.

What else did I do while I was ill. Oh yes, a birthday party. A friend of mine turned 30 yesterday. We had fun.

I had a post all planned out but I'm too ill to write that much now. Maybe tomorrow ?

Being sick sucks....

Ship of Fools

Well, well, well....

You can fool some people some of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time. So the saying goes.

As it turns out, you don't have to fool everyone all the time to get ahead. You just need to fool some. Or more precisely, slightly more than half the people. It also helps to have a rival who turns out to be a wuss who quits before the final whistle blows. This is true.

If it wasn't, how do you explain Bush winning again ?

Ok, some people will insist they voted out of their own free will and nobody fooled them into doing it. Ok fine.

But if you vote for a liar who lied to you, doesn't that mean that you were fooled ?

Now one can argue that being a non-American, I have no business talking about this. What goes on in the US should only concern Americans right ? No.

See it's hard not have a ripple effect when you talk about a country that big and with that much power.

So Bush wins again. As long as he and his personal retinue of hawks don't start another war I'll be fine with it.

This also goes to prove that basic prerequisites such as intelligence, coherence and basic mental competence are really not necessary to get into politics. It's true in this country. And apparently also true in the US.

In other more personal news, something quite brilliant happened today. There was a problem at the office the last few days which I solved by using Yahoo Briefcase. I suggested using this as a work around to an e-mail related problem. He in turn suggested this to another department who then called our US office to suggest to them. The US folks were so impressed with my extremely effective yet elegantly simple solution, they sent e-mail about it. My boss told them that it was my idea and in turn mailed our whole department about it.

That made my day. My boss is nice fella. He could've taken credit for this easily and no one would've known. But he didn't. This isn't the first time he's done this.

Just when you want to give up on people, something like this happens to remind you that not everyone's an asshole.

I'm exhausted, my feet hurt and it's been a hectic day. But I feel good.

One more day to go before my extra long weekend.

Currently Listening to "Walk Through the Fire" Buffy Cast, BtVS - Once More With Feeling OST

Early Morning Ramblage

Rrrnnnnghhhh !!

Here I am in the office just about to write when that bloody phone rings again. I'm beginning to have recurring fantasies of wielding a large mallet and applying said mallet on said phone. And everytime I fantasize about that, the mallet gets larger and gets made out of harder/heavier material other than wood....

I'm feeling a little nuts right now. I've been at work six out of the last seven days. The one day off I had wasn't even close to being enough time to recover. And if you're thinking about rolling your eyes skywards and muttering "Six days of work only ? What a whiner...." go away.

Now where was I ?

Oh yes, annoying ringing of phones and long, long hours of work.

Well, apart from that I'm fine. Exhausted, a little nuts, a bit frazzled but still intact. Just about the only things that are keeping me going are:-

1. I need to save leave for our proposed Big-Ass New Year's Eve Drunken Shenanigans(TM). Therefore I cannot take any more days off until Boxing Day.
2. All the extra money I'll be making this week. 36 hours worth of overtime. Which equals quite a bit of money. Plus, the two public holidays this month (Hari Raya) which equals another 24 hours of overtime. Let's face it, I'm broke(ish) and need money. Desperately.
3. The shifts are changing again and that means I'll have Saturdays off for the next three months. Yay.

Ok that's enough about work.

Nanowrimo's started already apparently. I was actually tempted to sign up for that one. But honestly I can't do it. If I had started on time I would need to write at least 1,612 words a day to make the 31st November deadline. Plus, I'd need something to write about. I can't fathom writing that much on one thing. Plus, it's the 3rd already. And also, I barely have enough time to do anything else, like chat on YM and reply mail. Especially this week.

And thus ends my attempts to justify my not signing up and trying to make myself feel better about it.

I have such respect for my esteemed blogger colleagues who are embarking on such an arduous task. I know at least two who are doing it. Good luck guys !

Well, gotta go back to work now....

*sigh*

Through the Motions

"Every single night the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight
Still, I always feel the strange estrangement
Nothing here is real, Nothing here is right
I’ve been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been

Going through the motions
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart"

- "Going Through The Motions" Sarah Michelle Gellar, Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Once More With Feeling OST

I knew it.

I knew it couldn't last. My so-called hanging out and relaxing while nothing happens is gradually eroding into boredom. I knew my masochistic hankering for personal turmoil would catch up with me sooner rather than later. At least that's what it seems like from where I'm sitting. I feel like doing something, anything that is rash and potentially pain inducing. Just because.

It seems that I have a pretty restless streak.

Except unlike all the other previous cycles, I KNOW I've seen this picture before. It's kinda like watching a rerun of an old TV show. You've watched it before, but this time you notice things like plot holes and continuity screw-ups and the mike boom briefly appearing on one corner of the screen for a split second.

And so, with some relief I can safely say,"Gee, I'm not surprised". Despite what that annoying little voice in my brain is saying, this is not a disaster nor is it a self inflicted problem. It's just like that. It happens by itself, like rain.

Don't you just hate that little voice ? The negative one that always, always puts you down. Don't you wish you could tie whatever demon that is to a chair and put duct tape all over its face ?

I wanted to write about that negative voice Sunday but I got distracted. And now ? I forgot the words. Ok maybe I should learn how to draft.

Anyway, I may have digressed a little there. What I wanted to say in this entry is that yes I'm feeling kinda jaded again. But I want to see whether I can be jaded without being cynical. There aren't mutually inclusive are they ?

That is possible right ? Jadedness without the cynicism ? Looks like we'll have to see.

Oh no. That phone is ringing again. That's the problem with posting from work.

Be back soon.

PS Oh look ! It's November already. My favourite part of every year. The end part.