Older and Far Away

I need to do housekeeping.
 
Not my actual house, since I'm lazy and don't like physical labour much. I'm talking about this blog. Some of my links are dead and some bloggers have new blog urls or even new blogs, which I know about but am too lazy to update my links area to reflect the changes. I've also discovered some new blogs that are superb. Three or four of them that I will be adding soon. Hopefully they'll link to me too. Yes I admit, I want many people to read my blog. It makes it more meaningful if I know that my posts are being read (which they are and I'm very very grateful to all of you for taking the time).
 
Housekeeping is important. It's important since it basically means throwing out junk and replacing broken things with new ones. It's very important if you have a PC since junk will take up hard disk space. And make your PC extremely slow. And unstable.
 
Same thing goes with people I think. It was my birthday nearly two weeks ago and I decided to do some housekeeping of my own. No, I didn't dig through all my stuff in my room and threw them out or gave them away (actually that's not a bad idea. I'm running out of space in my room). I'm talking about things inside. My old thoughts and memories. Regrets and remorse over actions/inactions commited. Excess emotional baggage. Dreams and grand master plans that didn't come to pass.
 
My birthdays aren't usually punctuated with parties and alchohol fueled hijinks. Sometimes I go have dinner with my parents where I will get my annual You're-Getting-Older-So-You-Have-To-Be-More-Responsible lecture from my mom (except this year strangely enough. Maybe my parents figure I'm too old for that now). Mostly, I go and reflect. There's a lot of stuff that usually comes up in my mind during this time, mainly about where I've been and where I'm headed.
 
I'll be honest. My life didn't turn out the way I had planned. Of my many dreams and ambitions, none have turned out the way I wanted them. Not even one. Even my choice of career isn't what I imagined it would be when I first graduated, although I am grateful that I found my niche when I did. I'm 31 years old and most of my friends are married, going to be married or in stable long term relationships. Me ? Not even close and I'm prepared to accept that maybe it'll never happen. In a nutshell, the place I'm at now is nowhere near the place I thought I would be when I got to my age now.
 
I've been passed over, lied to and rejected. I've been disillusioned, jaded & cynical.
 
Despite all of that, I don't have any regrets. So my life is different that what I wanted, but it's a good life with it's own share of great things. My life isn't perfect though. Of course they are things that I wish I could be or I could have , but what is life without wants and desires ? Everyone can have everything and still want more right ? Isn't that a human thing ?
 
So this year, I made the concious decision to bury some things in the past where they belong. The disappointments, regrets and dreams that will remain just that. I'm not sure what to replace these things with yet, but I figure since I'm 31 it's time to reset the timer and move forward to whatever else that's coming.
 
It's like being 21 all over again. Maybe things'll get better. Or maybe not. We'll see.