Locked Out

Stupid me.

I've locked my self out of my own house. I was in such a hurry yesterday to get to work, I forgot to bring my keys. The worse thing ? I suddenly remembered the damned keys just as the already locked door was swinging shut. When I get home later I hope my brother would still be at home. If not, then I'll have to pick the lock to the kitchen door (again).

In a similar note, just as I hit post for yesterday's blog entry, I suddenly thought I was being too simple when I said all those things about the ideal girl. Especially, when I thought about it and realized that I have met women like that and nothing happened. Why ?

Well, among other things, they didn't think of me that way. That's usual isn't it. Some other time, it's the lack of the so-called chemistry. When all the evidence suggests that we would make a great couple, neither one of us feels that way and we became friends instead. However, there is this one person...

She was cool. She wasn't your typical girlie girl. Unlike the demure, shy Asian stereotype, she was sociable and outgoing without coming on as slutty or desperate (very tight rope to walk on in my country). We both liked the same kind of music which is something cos most women don't like the music I listen to all that much, especially round here. I could go on. there are so many small details.

Not important. The most important was the fact that we could talk openly & honestly without the fear that one would hurt the other. We trusted each other. We were perfectly comfortable no matter where we were or what we did. She was upfront enough that one time I pissed her off and instead of the usual silent treatment or sulking, she told me point by point what I did wrong. We had a great friendship.

Our friends were expecting us to get together seriously, but somehow nothing ever happened. I knew I felt for her and I also knew she felt for me too. I know cos we talked about it. And yet even after that, nothing ever happened. Later, we got really busy with work and we didn't see each other for a while. When we met up after that, she already met someone else and was going out with him. She told me that he was really cool and if it was okay. I said no prob just go ahead. They got married a couple of years after.

She gave birth to her first kid on Valentine's Day this year.

Now, when I think back, it's kinda clear why nothing ever happened. I was scared. Of a lot of things. Rejection, losing a really goof friend, all that kind of stuff. In hindsight, if I had made a move I had a really good chance. But I didn't take it because I was scared.

I don't regret it though. It's a bit too late for that. I had my self a really good lady friend. She taught me a whole lot. I wish her the best.

And of fear, well...saying I should not be afraid and go for it is a lot easier than actually going out there and doing it. That sucks, doesn't it.

Sorry about that, a rather long-winded and rambly post.I'm sure there's a lesson in here somewhere... :-)