Assbite

Aww dammit...!!!!!!

Just now, I went to Eon Finance to get my auto-financing underway. Got the down money, car coming very soon, finances are in order and everything is okay. There's just one teensy-weensy snag.

A few years ago, I commited a financial transgression. I bought a car together with a friend of mine. We split the monthly payments and shared the car. Unfortunately, we couldn't keep the car, so it got repossed. The finance company sold the car off and I'm stuck with the loss-on-sale payments (not a small amount). My useless friend being jobless and lacking a steady income, couldn't chip in. Unfortunately, I wasn't getting regular income either. So I ended defaulting and got myself black-listed.

Fast forward, I got me a new job, updated all my loose ends and everything's being handled. All that loss-on-sale should be settled fully by December this year. Unfortunately, I'm not sure about the black-list. I asked just now, and the nice man at Eon told me that if there is no outstanding litigation process, the loan should go through. But really, I got a bad feeling about this. The past has caught up with me and is threatening to bite me in the ass....I might have to wait till the whole thing clears up at the end of the year. I hate waiting.

That's the thing about mistakes. If I don't make'em, I don't learn anything. If I make them, they haunt me for a long, long time. And not just money stuff, personal things too. Like the time I screwed up at my first job. Fresh out of college, I got a job as a programmer. It was fine, except I suck at programming (and the boss was a bitch). So I screwed up royally and they let me go. Now, I secretly worry my current boss will find out and do something horrible, like fire me or something. And there are many-many other, Mac-falls-down-and-breaks-his-ass stories.

It's a vicious circle. When I remember all the stuff I used to mess up, I can't hardly believe it's me I'm remembering. I mean I was such an idiot. Didn't know who I was, what I was good at, what I wanted. It was my low-self-esteem, woe is me, chronic depression stage (God, that sucked. As well as a complete waste of 8 years). It might as well be someone else I'm remembering. But here's the catch-22. If I could be as sure of myself as I am now, I would have avoided all those idiot, pathetic mistakes. But if I didn't make those mistakes, would I know what I know now ? Probably not.

See, I'm all for making mistakes and screwing up. There are valuable bits of wisdom to be had from surviving a self-induced catastrophe. No one should be afraid to mess up once in a while. Some things, can ONLY be learned the hard way. . I only wish that those mistakes didn't have to come around and.... well, bite me in the ass. Like this car thing. And the job thing. And the embarassing-a-hot-girl-who-actually-liked-me-in-front-of-her-own-family thing (long, long story this one, but no less pathetic). Dammit.

Enough of that. It's out of my hands now. Not going to waste time worrying about something I can't control. I was kinda upset just now, so I tried the good-ole shopping therapy.

I didn't buy any clothes, but I got Sarah McLachlan's new CD, some software CDs and the Scooby Doo DVD (with Buffy Summers as Dahne hehe). And of course I read my blog. Talking about therapy, I really appreciated those comments you guys put on here. It meant a lot to me, especially today.

There, I feel better.