A Good Start

I've been meaning to write about this a long time actually. As usual, I got distracted by sundry social activities.

Anyway.




Thanks Yasmin. As usual, you come up trumps with stuff like this.

As an Iban person, I'm pleased with this. Despite some problems with the language, it's a good start. The grammar is correct but the accent is wrong. You can't tell which Iban regional accent is being used. That's a big deal for us actually.

I guess Yasmin didn't have the luxury of time to get help with that.

Hopefully, the next time someone makes an ethnic commercial they can do it more authentically.

Lots of comments here, some less than positive. While I would suggest that we take the whole thing in perspective and recognize the work for what it is, I do understand why some of us react the way we do.

Obviously, everyone who is proud of their own culture and people wants to see an authentic representation of that culture in the mass media. Especially us Ibans as you can see.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the advert. I loved it really.

USB WiFi

Last week, my wireless card died.

Right now I'm using a USB RT73 WiFi adapter, running a Ralink chip. It's not bad. I've had some misgivings about USB WiFi adapters before especially how stable it is when it gets hot. I'll find out soon. I'm wondering how long it will last. My PCI one lasted 14 months. Only.

Well, at least the USB adapter was kind off cheap.

Leon's Vostro 1500 arrived on Monday. It's a plain ole black notebook. Very OEM looking. Very businesslike and not at all flashy like some other notebooks out there. However...

... clocking in at RM4500++ his plain Jane Vostro is a rocket. With 5+ hours of 9 cell battery life. On max performance. 160Gb 7200rpm hard disk. 2 Gb dual-channel RAM. 2Ghz Core Duo. TrueLife 15.4" display. GeForce 8600GT dedicated graphics card.

That thing is actually a lot faster than both our desktop PCs.

I want one too... Dammit.

Of course not at RM4500 obviously. I already got my spec set up. It'll cost RM3400+.

Must find more work. Incidentally, I got a call back this Sunday so that's going to help a little.

The Thing

I found some nice articles in the Borneo Post.


One is this one about depression.

Such a destructive beast clinical depression is. Yet so subtle that most people who have never gone through it will not understand. Not only that, some people will insist that the depressed person is just "acting out" and should stop it and "snap out of it".


If only it were that simple eh? Granted, some people use it like a weapon to get their way. But for most sufferers, it is the manifestation of Hell itself. Their own private Hell, the worst kind. It's like a cancer, except it doesn't kill you directly. It only turns you into an undead version of yourself, not really dead but not quite alive either. You're just... there, covered in your own darkness, mentally and sometimes physically trapped and paralysed.

I didn't read this stuff. I say these things from my own unfortunate experiences. Thankfully that's all in the past now. I was able to get help when I needed it.

I remember that time when I first thought about getting help. It was hard. But why is it hard? You get sick you go to the see the doctor and get yourself checked out right? Easy peasy right?

Here is one way that depression is so persistently dangerous.

Remember that movie The Thing? Where the alien organism will go to any lengths to protect itself? It was like that.

At the time, I agonized over my decision. On one hand, I knew I was in trouble and I had to go and do something. On the other hand, I felt this horrible guilt like it was all my fault that I was feeling the way I did. That somehow, I had to keep feeling that way as punishment for all the mistakes that I've done. I also felt bad because if I went to get help that was an admission of defeat, that I was too weak to deal with it like any other self-respecting male person. Yet more reason for me to feel worthless and shameful.

I had a whole host of other similar, guilt ridden thoughts. In the end, the MA at the factory was the one who asked me to see our inhouse doctor who in turn shoved a letter in my hand and ordered me to see a specialist, costs be damned.

Looking back, those doubts and guilt wasn't coming from me. It sounded like me and it felt like I was thinking those things but it kind of wasn't me at all. It was "The Thing". It was almost like "the organism" was trying to "protect itself". Almost as if "it" knew that if I went to get help, it would be destroyed and it was trying to save itself like a parasite clinging to its host.

Yes, yes that's a bizarre analogy I know. But for lack of something better, it's entire accurate and it reflects what happened exactly.

Now? I can't describe how good "normal" feels. Normal isn't boring at all. And the silence in my head, with no more things telling me how unworthy and how weak I am, is worth a million bucks. My only regret was that I didn't do this sooner.

So there it is. If you, dear reader, are feeling perpetually sad or worthless or angry or harried or stressed, if you cut yourself and tried to blank out the rest of the world, if you feel like no one cares.

Go get help. It's not normal for people to feel helpless or angry or sad or worthless or guilty or any other kind of negative emotion ALL the time.

If you hear yourself saying that you don't need help, that you are strong enough and that you are a fool for thinking about getting help, beware. It might not be you that's thinking that. It might be your "Thing"

Depression is dangerous. Please take it seriously. Worse comes to worse, if you can't afford a specialist, go to the Policlinic and get referred to the hospital. It's better than nothing.

Here endeth the public service announcement.

The other article, I read in today's paper. A really good one about the national day argument. Is it 44? Is it 50? It also mentions some differences between "us" (East Malaysians) and "them"(Orang Melaya, Peninsular Malaysians).

Please read the article. It's good and written in a sober, reasonable way. It echoes my thoughts exactly. If I were more eloquent, I would love to sound like that.

I do have some stories to tell regarding the article.

But this post is getting long, so those stories will be for another post on another day.

Snippets

Thanks a lot Roman.

By getting pissed off at your manager and sacking him ("mutual consent" my ass) you just gave Man Utd a clear run to the title this year with no one close enough to stop them. No, I don't think Liverpool will be strong enough.

Sacking Jose was a huge, huge mistake. Huge. If Roman thinks running a football club is the same thing as running his other businesses, he is going to be in for a rude, rude shock.

I wonder who Jose's replacement will be. Whoever it is, he'll have his work cut out for him for Chelsea's first game with a caretaker manager will be against...

...Manchester United.

Will Chelsea be able to bounce back from a chaotic week to match Man U? Seriously. Sir Alex must be rubbing his hands with glee at the moment.

Ah well. I guess for me the only thing left to watch this season is Keano's Sunderland and Fernando Torres. The title is as good as gone. Oh yes, and watching Sven and Man City will be quite interesting.

The rest of us will have to put up with more smugness from Man U's legion of poser "fans" for another season.

Arrgh.

Talking about that, I read with some amusement how some people have this bizarre notion that turning this country into a theocracy will somehow turn it into a morally upright utopia, full of religiously pious people, free from crime and err "social problems" and decadence and moral decay and things like that.

Idiots. People have done the theocracy thing in the Middle Ages. Did it work? No it didn't. What the hell makes people think it'll work now?

The problems in society have nothing whatsoever to do with religion ok? No amount of religious huffing and puffing is going to solve poverty, inequality and lack of opportunity, which are some of the REAL causes of social problems.

Are these people in denial? Or trying to score brownie points with their respective Gods?

Damn, I better stop thinking about this. Ok fine, people have rights to their own opinion. Fair enough. Well, this is my opinion on their opinion. So there.

Ok enough of that stuff. Lighter stuff now.

This is quite funny. I got it from Neatorama.

And I found a video of Emma Watson singing!

Actually no. But close enough, really. I was reading this just now. Watch the video. Her name is Melody Ruiz. She is Spanish. She looks quite a lot like Emma Watson. She does.

On the personal front, my Airplus G PCI WiFi card has died I think. It intermittently fails to pick up my network and when it does pick it up, my CPU usage goes up to 100%. Time to buy another one. I hope prices have gone down.

It's a good thing I have my dad's notebook to surf the Net with.

Blacked Out

There's no power at my house at the moment. Apparently, SESCO has decided to do some kind of maintenance work today. The power will be out until 6.00pm. It's a good thing I have many errands to run.

It was very boring at home just now. All of the things I do involve electricity it seems.

At Coffee Bean right now. Haven't been here in a long while. Very quiet here which is not surprising since it's fasting month. The network speed is very good, again probably because not many people are here now.

Damn, I wish this damn notebook had a 6 cell battery instead of a measly 4 cell.

Anyway...

I bought Medal of Honor: Airborne just now. Really looking forward to it. When the power comes back of course. Haven't played a good shooter in a long, long time. I'm actually thinking about skipping tonight's appointment.

Another thing I did has something to do with FM2007.

Just for a lark I started a game where I manage Man Utd. See here's the thing. I hate Man U. Really, really. So one can imagine my surprise when I find that I'm actually enjoying managing them. I also suddenly notice that their 2006/2007 squad is very thin when compared to some of the rivals in the Premier League.

Doing quite well at the moment. With my recently discovered understanding of the game's tactical side, my Man U have the meanest defense in England. Hehe. We don't score many goals but we don't concede a lot either.

As one can tell, I'm talking about games. That means life is quite uneventful at the moment. Even at work. Things have calmed down and going back to normal.

Oh yeah, I got slightly ill last few days. Goddamned flu. I guess that's the most exciting thing that happened to me recently.

On Saturday, I go to my final appointment with The Doc. I haven't had any meds in the last 4 days. I feel perfectly fine. No sign of anything coming back.

I feel quite good about that.

Ok then, excuse me while I finish my Southern Blend Iced Tea. Have a good day.

Mostly Filler

It's near the middle of September and my post count for this month is a measly four. I've said this before but I was more prolific when I was upset and depressed. Not that I'm complaining, of course.

September will turn out to be an important month for me at work and outside of work. New employer at work, vastly larger than the old one. Really looking forward to seeing what will develop here.

Outside, this month is when my final appointment with The Shrink is scheduled. The verdict is quite clear. As far as I'm concerned, I'm free. I've won my life back. No words can describe my relief. This is the best thing I've done ever.

So, now that I can't angst out a post like I used to, what do I write about? No, I'm not going to write about shit in the paper. As far as I'm concerned, as long as those things don't happen here I don't care. Does that make me a bad citizen? I don't care.

Well, I'm still kinda excited about computer gadgets actually. I'm looking at the MacBook. It's gorgeous. And powerful. And small. And unfortunately, quite expensive.

Sigh.

Aside from that, things are pretty peaceful around here as it's always been.

I guess that's all I have for now. Hopefully, I can find something to be excited about soon. If not, I'm going to have to write about games and computer stuff again...

PS. The Mac Mini is awesomely cool. And affordable!

Notebooks!

Over the last two weeks or so, I've been getting a lot of queries from friends who want to buy notebooks. So I've been doing a lot of research.

One of them already ordered his. One of them is still weighing some options. I haven't talked to one more guy.

To be honest, I'm kinda new to this mobile computing thing being the hardcore desktop user that I am. But recently, I've been using my dad's Inspiron 1501 quite a lot. Mainly for pottering about the house, surfing the net while I watch the History channel. Or ESPN. Or downloading drivers and other stuff while doing troubleshooting. Or lounging about at Starbucks.

I must say having a notebook AND a desktop at the same time is very convenient. Even more convenient is the fact that my house has a WiFi access point (protected by a WEP key unlike so many other people's).

The idea of all my friends buying notebooks fills me with joy. If enough people have notebooks then we can have a LAN party at my house without having to lug around our (relatively) gigantic 17" CRT and 19" LCD displays and various casings and mice and keyboards and etc. Plus not all my computer using friends have WiFi ready desktops.

Anyway, I've been doing so much reading on notebooks that I'm actually contemplating getting one myself. Not so soon though, there still stuff that I haven't paid up yet. But a notebook buy is definitely on the cards. That way I won't have to use my dad's notebook anymore.

I'm messing around with the Dell customizers on their website and am playing around with something that costs about RM3500 from 2 base models, the Inspiron 1520 and the Vostro 1500.

I managed to build two equally mouth watering specs costing around RM3490+. 2 Gbs dual channel RAM. Dedicated GeForce 8400M GS graphics card. 160Gb hard drive. DVD combo drive. 15.4 inch display. 9 cell battery. Nearly enough power to rival my desktop.

The Inspiron has a webcam and comes in many different colour kits but the Vostro is more damage resistant.

I can't decide!

Geek excitement aside, I'll probably be able to afford one or the other in December. That means no PSP... Oh well.

Oh yes, why Dell? Why not Sony, Fujitsu, Acer, HP, Lenovo etc etc? Well, I have some really good experience with Dell products. The company I work for uses Dell a lot and I'm very familiar with their local tech rep. Plus, to be honest when it comes to notebook stuff Dell is pretty hard to beat.

Ok then, I'm at the office and don't have much to do at the moment. Time to look for more notebook reviews...

Boring Sunday

It's very boring today. In some ways I'm relieved. I'm not quite as busy as I was over the last three days. Most people have already been set up with their new mail settings for the new company.

Things are beginning to settle down here. Most of the initial panic surrounding our takeover has subsided especially after the people started getting their new letters of appointment. I guess they finally believe that the new company is NOT out to rip them off and turn them all into undead slaves.

I laugh when I remember all them rumours.

Anyway, I'm still bored. I wish I had brought my notebook to the office. I could have played FM2007. No I don't feel like doing any research work today.

In lieu of FM, Facebook will have to suffice.

Talking about FM, I may have finally gotten the tactical side of the game down finally ater 1 year of playing it. Can't wait for the new FM to come out. I plan to buy the original.

Tomorrow I don't have work. I'm relishing the thought of waking up late.

Well, apart from the takeover thing there ain't much else to write about. Things are relatively quiet.

Oh yes, there is one thing. I'm starting to taper off my meds. No side effects and no relapse so far. In fact, last week I forgot to take my pills three days in a row. No ill effects at all.

Whisper it quietly, but I'm I'm almost certain that I have beaten my demons. Permanently.

Here's to hoping.

Whiskey Delta

Today was one of the most chaotic, busiest, maddest day I've had at work. Incidentally, the company that I used to work for no longer exists officially from today.

I now work for a gargantuan, humongous, hardware producing company with facilities in such diverse locations as Ireland, Dubai, Thailand and of course Malaysia. It was a strange thing to open up the company phone guide excel document and see literally tens of thousands of names.

Hopefully, I'll continue to do well and make a decent living out of working for this humongous multinational corporation.

I still wonder about staff discounts. The company makes some nifty products I wouldn't mind having. Not to mention a partnership program with Dell which offers some nice discounts.

Anyway, I'll continue to be extremely tied up helping panicking users migrate to their new email accounts and logon profiles and what not. Not to mention the behind the scenes server work. We haven't even started on that one yet.

I was initially quite nervous about the takeover but today I find myself marvelling at how well known the new company is and how interesting it is to be working for an employer this huge.

Hopefully the future will be good.

Four Months Left

September already. Four months left this year. Been a good year so far.

I'm looking forward to next Thursday. Next week when I come in to work, it will be with a different employer. Same location, same job but different and much, much bigger company. Takeover will be completed by then.

During the last post, I talked about being in an open relationship. I thought about it again and I've decided that I'm not really in one, yet. I'm not being reciprocated, one could say. I don't really mind. We've already talked about this. I wish it would happen though. I would be nice if it did.

Anyway, this morning I was watching videos on YouTube. Specifically iPhone review videos.

From what I can see and read about, the iPhone is bloody awesome. If it was available in Malaysia I think it would cost around RM2500/- for the 8Gb version I think. That's quite reasonable if you ask me, considering the functionality that comes in the package.

I love the touchscreen and the QWERTY virtual keyboard. I text a lot and a QWERTY keyboard would be really nice. I also like the iPod functions and wifi connectivity. Very nice. All the other stuff is really cool too. Freaking brilliant.

However if the phone is tied to any one provider like it is in the US, count me out. I don't really fancy being held hostage by a phone company. I want to be able to use my sim card with any damn phone I want, thank you very much.

A good motivation to work more hours and get extra money if you ask me. Sadly it looks like I must choose between either a PSP or an iPhone. I can't afford to get both, at least not simultaneously.

Damn, I need more money.

Open

I've been trying to link to an article I read in The Borneo Post, but I keep getting a proxy error for some reason.

Anyway, it's got something to do with my previous post.

The state government is planning our own little bash for the 45th Malaysia day next year. This news pleases me. Even better if they can make it a nationwide thing. Who knows the thing might snowball and become regular.

It's good to know that the government wants to do something like this.

In other news, I've had a decent few days.

I went to Mojo last night. I met some people I haven't met in a long, long time. There was a little bit of drama involving someone else in our group. Fortunately a little level headedness helped a lot and crisis averted.

I'm playing Football Manager again for some strange reason. Now managing a crap team in the Russian First Division. We haven't won in 10 league games. Why Russia?

Blame this.

Can't wait for FM2008 to come out.

A lot of other stuff happened in the last few days. None of which involved me. Except one.

How would you define an open relationship? Is it a good idea to be in one?

I'm wondering because I think I'm in one right now. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about it yet. What I do know is that we're almost too close to be just friends. She probably knows this too.

I wonder if she ever wonders...

I love it though. I haven't felt this satisfied in aeons. It's the ultimate proof that I'm not dead inside.

PS. Completely off topic but I simply must share these spectacular pictures from an airshow in Moscow. Fantastic!

Remember, Remember '63

Usually, I would write this kind of entry on National Day but I better put this up before it disappears.

The Sunday Post came out with this article today.

Here it is in full:-

"Malaysia 44 or 50?

Come Aug 31 our beloved nation will celebrate her 50th birthday, as designated by the federal government. But until today certain quarters are still fervently debating the age of our country.

EVERY year as we celebrate National Day on Aug 31, the debate on the actual age of our nation surfaces and it seems to rage with greater intensity than ever.

The federal government designated this year’s National Day celebration as the 50th anniversary of our independence based on Aug 31, 1957 when Malaya gained independence.

However, for certain quarters in Sarawak and Sabah, it is inconceivable that Malaysia could be 50 years old this year as the formation of our nation took place on Sept 16, 1963.

The real bone of contention in this argument over the age of Malaysia is the question of whether Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore joined the Federation of Malaya or formed Malaysia, a new nation, with Malaya on Sept 16, 1963.

Those who advocate that Malaysia as a nation was actually born on Aug 31, 1957 cited the formation and expansion of the United States of America as a parallel to the formation of Federation of Malaya and its subsequent expansion when Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore joined the federation on Sept 16, 1963.

This is a classic case of comparing an orange with an apple because USA was formed by 13 former colonies of the British Empire on July 5, 1776 after a bloody war of independence and remained as the United States of America despite its expansion through the addition of other states to its federation.

This is not the case with the Federation of Malaya or Malaya as it ceased to exist as a nation when it joined Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore to form Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.

It must be noted that Malaysia was formed through an equal partnership between Federation of Malaya, Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore (which withdrew from Malaysia after two years) it was never a formation of the sovereign nation of Malaya and the three states.

Bearing testimony to this partnership is Sarawak’s autonomous authority on land and immigration as part of the list of special rights of the State would retain in the Federation of Malaysia.

An even more ludicrous argument put forward was the claim that Malaysia is actually the alternative name for Malaya citing references of the region around the Malay Peninsular as Malaysia by British Colonial writers in the 1800s and that the concept of the Federation of Malaya when it gained independence was not confined to the Malayan mainland but also the Malaysian regions still under British rule then.

The flaw in this argument is firstly the confusion of Malaysia as a reference to a geographical region with Malaysia as a nation which came into being only Sept 16, 1963.

As for the claim that the Federation of Malaya was formed with the plan of including Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore, there is no documentary proof and even if there was it had nothing to do with the three states as they never planned to join the federation.

During the formation of Malaysia, there was never any mention of the three states joining the Federation of Malaya in any of the historical documents signed by all parties.

To put to an end this polemic on the actual age of our nation and how it was formed thesundaypost traces the birth of Malaysia through the documents pertaining to its formation signed by all parties and interviewed Datuk Amar James Wong, the only surviving member of the Sarawak delegation of the Malaysia Solidarity Consultative Committee which paved the way for the birth of our nation.

The Malaysian nation was the brainchild of Tunku Abdul Rahman when he was the Prime Minister of the Federation of Malaya. On May 27, 1961 he brought up the subject at a luncheon meeting of Foreign Correspondents Association of South East Asia in Singapore Adelphi Hotel saying “Malaya today as a nation realises that she cannot stand alone and in isolation. Sooner or later she should have an understanding with Britain and the peoples of the territories of Singapore, North Borneo, Brunei and Sarawak.”

That speech set into motion a rapid succession of events that culminated with the birth of Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.

The book ‘Formation of Malaysia’ published by the Federal Information Department soon after Malaysia was formed stated in the last paragraph of the section Milestones to Malaysia, ‘So in less than 28 months from the time he put forward his proposal, Tunku Abdul Rahman’s Malaysia plan is realised, uniting 10,000,000 diverse peoples — Malays, Ibans, Land Dayaks, Melanaus, Dusuns and Kadazans, Muruts and Bajaus, Chinese and Indians — in a new nation dedicated to justice, peace and prosperity, in pursuit of freedom and happiness for all.’

In his report for the Commission of Enquiry to visit Sarawak and Sabah and setting out Terms of Reference for the formation of Malaysia Lord Cobbold stated in article 10 of his findings that the name of the Federation shall be Malaysia.

No one is in a better position to talk about the formation of Malaysia from the Sarawak perspective than Datuk Amar James Wong, the former Deputy Chief Minister of the State.

When thesundaypost interviewed him at his office, Wong was adamant that Malaysia is 44 years old as he involved personally in the negotiations and consultations leading to the birth of Malaysia.

“I remember Sept 16, 1963 very well. I was in Kuala Lumpur when the agreement on the formation of Malaysia was signed. After the signing I flew straight to New York with Rajaratnam, one of the Singapore representatives, to attend the 18th session of the United Nations as representative of Malaysia.’

Referring himself jokingly as ‘the last of the Mohicans’ Wong said he is the only surviving member of the Sarawak delegation to the Malaysia Solidarity Consultative Committee.

“I was directly involved in the negotiations on the rights of the State and you can quote me in stating that we never joined Malaysia, we formed Malaysia.”

Wong who wrote several books on diverse subjects also published a book ‘The Birth of Malaysia’ in 1993 in which he reprinted historical documents pertaining to the formation of Malaysia.

In the first two paragraphs of his introduction he wrote: “Our 30th year of Independence within Malaysia would be a fitting time and occasion to remind all Sarawakians of our great heritage and as to why and how Malaysia came about.

“This is particularly true of the younger generation, especially those in their mid-forties and below, who were then too young when Malaysia was formed, to grasp and understand the implications. But what all Malaysians in Sarawak must know and understand is that — We did not enter Malaysia, but we formed Malaysia together with North Borneo, (now Sabah) Singapore and Malaya.”

Anyone wishing to find out more about the positions of Sarawak and Sabah within the federation should read this book as it contains reprinted historical documents and reports and a chronology of events that led to the formation of Malaysia.

There should never have been any debate on the age of Malaysia as there are ample irrefutable documents that prove that the birth of our nation is Sept 16, 1963.

While Sarawakians and Sabahans rejoice with our fellow citizens in Semenanjung Malaysia in celebrating the Federation of Malaya’s 50th anniversary of independence from British rule, we cannot distort history by confusing it with the birth of Malaysia.

There is more at stake than the quibble over the dates of the birth of our nation for Sarawakians and Sabahans as accepting Sept 16, 1963 as the birthday of Malaysia means the two states formed Malaysia as equal partners with the Federation of Malaya while accepting Aug 31, 1957 implies we joined the Federation of Malaya.

The latter date could mean the rights of the State were temporary conditions granted by the Federation of Malaya while recognising Sept 16, 1963 clearly states that the two states joined as equal partners in the formation of Malaysia and their special rights are entrenched in the agreement on her formation.

Happy Birthday Malaysia, but is it 44 or 50?"

I wonder, who is the patriot and who is not? The person who asks for the truth or the person who wants to bury it?

Remember, remember 16th September 1963.

Happy 44th Malaysia. May her people live long and prosper.

Shorn

I was bored so I decided to bring our 1501 notebook to the office. I'm using it right now.

Anyway, I finally did it. I cut my hair. It's short now. I no longer look like a girl (hopefully). I'm going to do more to it later on. I was kind of worried at first but as it turns out having short hair is quite a refreshing change after 4 years.

Hmm, suddenly I've taken more interest in my physical appearance. Does that make me shallow(er)?

Perhaps more importantly, does it even matter whether I'm shallow or not?

Shallow or not, this changing of physical appearance is rather interesting considering I've never really cared before. Perhaps it will complement my more active social life.

Anyway.

I went to have dinner at Minoru on Wednesday night. The food was brilliant, even better than Tomoe. It was slightly more expensive however. But the food was soo good it was worth it. I'm beginning to develop a real taste for Japanese food although I haven't really gotten used to eating raw fish yet.

I'm going back there soon.

I start work today and will be at work until Sunday night. It's going to be tiring. Hopefully nothing bad happens. And payday is a week away!

Damn I need some overtime. Fast.

Airport

Today was a nice day. I went to Rayu again. It was just the bunch of us. No one else.

And now I'm at the airport with my laptop. It's very nice here at night.

Tomorrow evening, I'm getting a haircut.

Nothing significant happened in the last few days.

I guess I'm posting just for the hell of it.

Oh yes! Manchester City beat Man United last weekend. That was brilliant. Sven is really doing well and I hope that this isn't just a flash in the pan.

Man Utd will probably recover from their bad start to the season but hopefully they will trail the whole season. It would be brilliant if Man City finish above them. I will laugh so hard if that happens.

I also watched an MLS highlight show this afternoon. It was very interesting. I really like how American commentators describe matches.

Inside Looking Out

Ugh.

Two hours more before I get out of here. I can't wait to go to sleep.

Neither can I wait for September. September will reveal my future jobwise. I will keep my job for sure but as for future direction, I'm not so sure. Do I stay or do I go? Is there anything better in store, considering that good employment is so hard to come by these days. I'd love to start my own thing but as of now, it's not the best idea.

At least I got the experience, the ability and the papers to prove it. Worse comes to worst, I can look elsewhere. Which is more than I can say for some people.

I know a few people who are desperately looking for work. I feel sorry for them, some of them are good. But alas no luck yet. For me, looking for work was not such a big problem. I was lucky I guess. It's a blessing these days.

There are many blessings I could count.

Despite my somewhat disastrous youth I came out ok. I earn a decent enough living, have many friends and have a good social life. I'm pretty good at what I do. Even my home life is better. I can enjoy the finer things and can afford to do stuff. If I was less disciplined, I could literally buy anything I want.

There are people who can't do that.

I used to think that my life was really, really bad and that I was good for nothing. For a while, it was true. Then I did what I had to do and that has enabled my to change my perception.

That is what I'm most grateful for now.

Lately I've seen and heard things that has made me realize that as bad as things were, it could've been worse. For some people, it is worse.

Some of these people are people I know. I hope they are strong, never let life beat them and come out ok. I would like to see them prosper. They certainly deserve it, maybe more than me.

Hopefully, I can to help out a little.

In other news, I'm listening to Major Lodge Victory these days. It's Gin Blossoms' come back album. I'm glad they reformed. They haven't changed much which is great.

I'm getting off work in a few hours and I hope to have a nice break. Here's to another good week.

Car Post

The new Proton Persona looks very, very, very sweet. In fact, it is so sweet even some Proton basher forum trolls are being nice about it.

I hope the QC is up to standard.

I'm actually contemplating changing my car.

As usual, the Persona is well priced. Plus, it's a 1.6 and a full size sedan, not a fastback like my current car. I've made some calculations and if I get rid of my current car I'll be able to afford this one quite easily.

But, I actually like my current car. I put a lot of work and money into it. Hmm.

Damn, if I was earning a little more I'd keep both cars. In fact, I have enough saved up for a substantial, monthly payment reducing deposit.

Nah, I'd better stop thinking about this. Having said that, I'm going to visit a showroom next week...

I work this weekend and I hope time goes by quickly.

Heart 2 Heart

Facebook is so much fun. On Sunday, I was bored and I went nuts reviewing movies. And wrote stuff on other people's walls. Tons of stuff to do and explore.

Yes, it's way more fun than Friendster ever was.

I finally went to Starbucks yesterday. It's quite nice. I'm coming back there soon. Probably during the early evening.

Talking about fun, I had the best time ever on Sunday night.

It started out innocently enough. We were at my house downloading music (using Ares, highly recommended!). I was supposed to send her home after burning CDs and stuff but we started talking and laughing so we decided to go somewhere else first.

Mojo was closed by the time we got to town. Next, it was either Barzing or Zen. We decided on Zen. Nice place. It doesn't have walls. Open air places are very nice. We drank chardonnay. The place was closing so we brought the wine in the car and finished it off there.

We were quite tipsy by this time so we decided to get some food and more drinks and drive to the barrage.

Alcohol does help one tell the truth yes?

We talked about a lot of stuff. Stuff that we normally wouldn't say out loud. About our feelings and the future and stuff like that.

She told me why she can't go move forward with me. She's in love with someone else. It's been like that for awhile now. She told me she knows how I feel about her. She said she was sorry and wants to remain friends.

I told her I knew that something was in the way. It wasn't her fault. Being friends is fine with me. I'm not very keen on a steady relationship anyway. What I have with her now is exactly what I want.

Are we friends? Sometimes I'm inclined to think that we are a little more than friends. Just about the only thing we haven't done is get physically intimate..ehem ehem. She'll probably insist that we are just friends, but I know she thinks this too. She isn't stupid and she isn't blind...

After more heart to heart stuff, gross out fart jokes and other jokes about piss and lesbians, we finally ran out of chicken wings and beer. It was 4 in the morning.

Her parents were not very pleased. But she told me the next morning that it was so worth it...

It is. This is the most fun I've had in a while. In many ways, it's perfect. I like her and she is almost like a girlfriend but without the commitment. We no longer have any secrets between us and things are very comfortable.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter if things become serious or not. It's fine the way it is and anything else is a bonus.

Times sure have changed. A year ago, this kind of thing would plunge me into serious bouts of anxiety and depression. It's a good thing I went to see a shrink...

It's going to be a nice week.

Excuse me, I must feed cat and play with Facebook. Have a nice day.

Change?

Gee.

I've got this sudden urge to cut my hair short and change my image. Yeah, the heat has something to do with the hair. The image? I have no idea where that came from.

But I feel like it's a good time for another change. As usual, I'm nervous about it. Change always causes anxiety.

So yeah, I'll probably look a little different by September.

There was a post I wrote about not liking someone as much as I thought I did. Well, I've changed my mind again. It turns out that I do in fact like this person. A LOT.

And even better, I'm getting the impression that this person also likes me. A LOT.

Unfortunately, not quite enough to take it to "the next level" so to speak.

I'm not sad about it though. I'm pragmatic enough to know this kind of things happen.

I'll just have fun along the way and enjoy it while it's still here. No worries.

I have to work this weekend. It's very boring. The days are hazy and the nights are very warm. It's hard to sleep.

I hope it rains soon.

Morning Thoughts

Well, the haze is back. Along with that, the incredible heat. Last night I got home and turned on the shower. The water was warm. At 10.00pm.

It's a good thing I work indoors in an air conditioned office.

Haze. Ugh.

Talking about ugh, sometimes it just pisses me of when I read news and stuff on the net and in the papers. I'm grateful I live here instead of in some other part of country. Some parts of this country are full of zealots, bigots and assholes with their own dystopian vision of society. I wonder sometimes, is it a cultural thing? Because where I'm from, people aren't so hell bent on dividing and oppressing people who are "different" from them.

These people must never, ever be given power. Never never ever. The whole country will go to hell if they do.

I have another thought this morning.

You know how many people (particularly clueless moral guardians) like to blame all kinds of things for social "ills" right? All kinds of things. Music, TV, books, lack of religious knowledge, pop culture, inter gender relations and other shit that in fact doesn't really mean jack squat.

These people are dumb.

It's rather obvious, if only certain people get out of their ivory towers and hit the slums and poor neighbourhoods around them. The root of most social problems is poverty.

It's really bloody obvious. Poverty is a sticky problem, messy and uncomfortable to deal with. No one has any answers and it's hard to score cheap moral brownie points to make one look good when dealing with this rather chronic, age old problem.

I sound cynical? Perhaps. But lately, that's what I see. Do I have answers? Not really. But at least I'm honest about that, unlike some people...

Cynical or not, I'm actually in a very, very good mood lately. Life is being very good and interesting at the moment.

Have a nice week and God I hope it rains...

Rayu

On Sunday, on a whim, I went to Rayu for a bit of a picnic.

With FIVE women. Five young women wearing swimwear on a hot, hot afternoon by an ice cool river. One of them actually forgot to bring a spare bra so she went in the water braless in her swimsuit...

Needless to say, I had a great time despite the looooong drive. It's a good thing that I actually like drives into the countryside...

It's been a wonderful few days. Really, really great. I kind of overspent but it's so worth it. I might talk about this some more in later posts.

Another thing that cost a bit of money was the car. I had it checked and it turns out the brake fluid needed changing. Not only that, I have to schedule a time for a full brake system bleed and cleaning. That's going to take at least half a day according to the mechanic.

It also sounds kind of expensive.

Must look for overtime next week...