I go off from a working five night shifts in a row and what happens?
I get flu on the first evening off from work. Obviously, that doesn't help at all. I hope the extra money is going to be worth it.
So I stay home and do as little as possible, which is quite boring to be honest.
It's a good thing WoW is so exciting these days. The server that I play on seems more "crowded" than it used to be and there's more action in the Auction House. Also, I bump into a lot more people in the wilderness. I've been in a few good 2-man and 3-man groups these last few days.
I watched a fascinating documentary on Discovery Channel yesterday about Indian astrology. I particular found the bit about nadi astrology very fascinating. According to nadi readers, thousands of years ago sages and wisemen used their powers to look into the past and the future and record down the destinies of everyone on palm leaves.
Everyone. A bold claim to make no? It was quite surprising to note that the nadi reader featured in the show knew personal details about the client (family members' names and current problems etc).
I thought about it for a second and despite being rather curious about it, I don't think it's a good idea to know my own future. To be honest, I have a rough idea of what it's going to be like anyway.
Hopefully February will end well and the holiday mood I'm currently in will wear off soon.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
A Stigma
One more night of work to go, then I'll be off to sleep my head off. It's been tiring and busier than what I would've liked.
Anyway, here is today's post.
I was reading some stuff on Wiki the last few nights and I recall some conversations I had with my friends about games, computers and gamers.
There is a bit of a stigma attached to someone who likes to use the computer isn't there? That someone would be labeled a nerd or a geek, wouldn't he/she? Even worse when the computer is used for gaming and even worse than that, if the gamer isn't a child.
From what I can observe, this stigma is particularly strong in conservative societies and amongst older people.
Why is it apparently ok for someone to sit on a couch and watch TV for 10 hours but not ok if the same person uses the computer for 10 hours?
What's the difference?
Why is watching TV for a long time more "normal" than using the computer for the same period of time?
This is an interesting bunch of questions no?
Anyway, when I think about it the answers are legion. Perhaps it's the natural inclination for people to fear stuff that they don't understand, considering the fact that most people who think computer usage is not "normal" are older people. Perhaps it's that lack of empathy for people who like different things. Perhaps it's anti-intellectualism, because the most stick computer users get tend to be from dumb jocks who are technologically illiterate.
It could be all of that and more, I guess. What do you think? Would you think it's strange for someone to prefer surfing for news and other info, reading blogs and playing games on the computer/internet to spending time watching telly?
Another thing that came to mind was that stereotype of gamers being "kids" or "childish" or shit like that.
Well, I disagree obviously and according to what I found out in the US the average age of a gamer is 29 and the average age for people who spend money to buy gaming software is 36.
As can be proven all the time, stereotypes are always wrong.
Anyway, how is playing a computer game more "immature" than getting smashed on cheap, smuggled beer on a Saturday night?
I would like to know, what is the average age of a gamer in Malaysia? Is it still kid's stuff here? Do yuppies and blue collar people play games too?
In my own circle of friends, I can tell you that they do in fact play games.
Does anyone have any stats? I'd like to see.
PS. Case in point is this thread from the World of Warcraft forums where older gamers introduce themselves. Also, this is probably the best thread ever to appear on the WoW forums in terms of spelling and grammar...
Anyway, here is today's post.
I was reading some stuff on Wiki the last few nights and I recall some conversations I had with my friends about games, computers and gamers.
There is a bit of a stigma attached to someone who likes to use the computer isn't there? That someone would be labeled a nerd or a geek, wouldn't he/she? Even worse when the computer is used for gaming and even worse than that, if the gamer isn't a child.
From what I can observe, this stigma is particularly strong in conservative societies and amongst older people.
Why is it apparently ok for someone to sit on a couch and watch TV for 10 hours but not ok if the same person uses the computer for 10 hours?
What's the difference?
Why is watching TV for a long time more "normal" than using the computer for the same period of time?
This is an interesting bunch of questions no?
Anyway, when I think about it the answers are legion. Perhaps it's the natural inclination for people to fear stuff that they don't understand, considering the fact that most people who think computer usage is not "normal" are older people. Perhaps it's that lack of empathy for people who like different things. Perhaps it's anti-intellectualism, because the most stick computer users get tend to be from dumb jocks who are technologically illiterate.
It could be all of that and more, I guess. What do you think? Would you think it's strange for someone to prefer surfing for news and other info, reading blogs and playing games on the computer/internet to spending time watching telly?
Another thing that came to mind was that stereotype of gamers being "kids" or "childish" or shit like that.
Well, I disagree obviously and according to what I found out in the US the average age of a gamer is 29 and the average age for people who spend money to buy gaming software is 36.
As can be proven all the time, stereotypes are always wrong.
Anyway, how is playing a computer game more "immature" than getting smashed on cheap, smuggled beer on a Saturday night?
I would like to know, what is the average age of a gamer in Malaysia? Is it still kid's stuff here? Do yuppies and blue collar people play games too?
In my own circle of friends, I can tell you that they do in fact play games.
Does anyone have any stats? I'd like to see.
PS. Case in point is this thread from the World of Warcraft forums where older gamers introduce themselves. Also, this is probably the best thread ever to appear on the WoW forums in terms of spelling and grammar...
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Dark Side of Praise
I was reading stuff and discovered the following article:-
Meanwhile, I've started my uber exhausting weekend where I work through Chinese New Year. I'm going to be very, very tired by the time I start my break on Tuesday.
I hope everyone else will have a fun weekend.
How Not to Talk to Your Kids
I think it's very important. Please read it, especially if you have children.Meanwhile, I've started my uber exhausting weekend where I work through Chinese New Year. I'm going to be very, very tired by the time I start my break on Tuesday.
I hope everyone else will have a fun weekend.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Valentine's Day
A lot can change in one year. Even more in two.
I got curious as to what I did on Valentine's Day these few years so I went and read a couple of old entries, one from 2006 and one from 2005. I also read some other old stuff from February from both years.
In many ways, I've changed quite a bit, I think.
For some people it's a good day, obviously.
Valentine's Day can drive people up the wall sometimes, especially those people who are single. Other times, it can cause people to act rather strangely, and not in a good way. It even affects some people who for the rest of the year, couldn't be bothered about their "status".
One could say such people are "weak". Maybe that's true. But no one likes to be reminded that they are single, even if you normally don't care. I'm not sure why really. Perhaps its the overdose of mushy Public Displays of Affection(TM). Perhaps its the blatantly overpriced Valentine's Day "peripherals". Perhaps it's the whole cheesiness of it.
For some people, the things they see on Valentine's is the most glaring evidence of their "failure". Even worse when you are alone and all your friends are not single. It's like the whole world is laughing and going na-na-na-na-na at you.
I used to feel like that. It's not very nice to be reminded that you are alone and can't really "join in".
Boy, that was a long time ago.
Those thoughts come back every now and then but these days, it is just background noise. I deal with it. I just wished I dealt with it 10 years ago. Would've saved me a lot of angst and time.
I had dinner last night at a Japanese place with Gette and Rin. It was nice. I had salmon yome. It was better than I thought.
We weren't celebrating Valentine's day. It was just dinner with friends and that is a good thing on any given day regardless of special occasions.
It's tempting to write off Valentine's Day but I choose not to do that now. Regardless of my own thoughts about it, it is a good day for some people and I'm not going to begrudge them the good times that they will no doubt have.
For those people who do have someone with them on Valentine's Day (and other festivities and special occasions) I just hope that they realize that they are extremely lucky when compared to some of their friends.
Perhaps it should be a day for gratitude as well, not only for lovers but also friends. It's worth a thought no?
I am having a good week though. On Tuesday, Burning Crusade arrived.
It's bloody awesome.
I got curious as to what I did on Valentine's Day these few years so I went and read a couple of old entries, one from 2006 and one from 2005. I also read some other old stuff from February from both years.
In many ways, I've changed quite a bit, I think.
For some people it's a good day, obviously.
Valentine's Day can drive people up the wall sometimes, especially those people who are single. Other times, it can cause people to act rather strangely, and not in a good way. It even affects some people who for the rest of the year, couldn't be bothered about their "status".
One could say such people are "weak". Maybe that's true. But no one likes to be reminded that they are single, even if you normally don't care. I'm not sure why really. Perhaps its the overdose of mushy Public Displays of Affection(TM). Perhaps its the blatantly overpriced Valentine's Day "peripherals". Perhaps it's the whole cheesiness of it.
For some people, the things they see on Valentine's is the most glaring evidence of their "failure". Even worse when you are alone and all your friends are not single. It's like the whole world is laughing and going na-na-na-na-na at you.
I used to feel like that. It's not very nice to be reminded that you are alone and can't really "join in".
Boy, that was a long time ago.
Those thoughts come back every now and then but these days, it is just background noise. I deal with it. I just wished I dealt with it 10 years ago. Would've saved me a lot of angst and time.
I had dinner last night at a Japanese place with Gette and Rin. It was nice. I had salmon yome. It was better than I thought.
We weren't celebrating Valentine's day. It was just dinner with friends and that is a good thing on any given day regardless of special occasions.
It's tempting to write off Valentine's Day but I choose not to do that now. Regardless of my own thoughts about it, it is a good day for some people and I'm not going to begrudge them the good times that they will no doubt have.
For those people who do have someone with them on Valentine's Day (and other festivities and special occasions) I just hope that they realize that they are extremely lucky when compared to some of their friends.
Perhaps it should be a day for gratitude as well, not only for lovers but also friends. It's worth a thought no?
I am having a good week though. On Tuesday, Burning Crusade arrived.
It's bloody awesome.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Ganking
I read two articles about "ganking" just now. For those of you who don't know, the term "gank" is an online gaming term meaning to attack and kill another player who has no means to effectively defend him/herself. Usually, the attacked player is much, much lower level the the attacker.
In other words, ganking is bullying. A ganker kills other players and griefs them just because. Usually, there are no ingame rewards for such activities. The just do it for kicks
There are many opinions regarding the practice of griefing and ganking in MMOs. Many people don't approve of such behaviour, myself included. Other people seem to think that it's acceptable.
People who may argue for the case of ganking\griefing as acceptable behaviour sometimes use the phrase "it's only a game" to justify their argument.
The problem is, it's not only a game. An MMO like WoW is not only a game, it is also a social construct, There are real people in the game world. So basically, ganking\griefing apologists condone the practise of enjoying themselves at other people's expense? Says a lot about their own personalities I think.
The thing that I sometimes find rather perplexing is that gankers\griefers and their fanboys act all surprised when people complain and condemn them on forums and other places.
They can twist and turn their argument any way they like, but the at the end of it all the truth is ganking\griefing is unacceptable and people who defend\indulge in it are assholes. They can use a million excuses but the fact remains that while they feel quite good after killing and corpse camping a level 8 character with their level 55, there is someone else out there who is getting pissed off and frustrated, and he can't do anything about it.
The entire thing is pointless and is the equivalent of schoolyard bullying. Pointless and a total waste of other people's time. Justifiable?
Obviously, having been camped to death and toyed with myself, I don't appreciate the ganking\griefing. The same way I hate bullying in fact.
Anyway, ever since I went back to WoW I've accepted the fact that if I play on a PvP server, I will probably be regularly killed like a sotong by some piece of shit 25 levels higher than me. It's fine. I'm not going to lose my temper because of something happening in an MMO. Only this time, I'm going to write down their names...
In fact, within 90 minutes of my first log on to my lvl 33 priest character I was attacked and nearly killed by a lvl 51 Night Elf hunter. Thank goodness for Fear...
I have an idea on how to reduce ganking in WoW actually. In WoW, when a player selects a target, he/she will be able to see the targets level. That level is denoted by a coloured number or a red skull. It's relative to the player's own level.
The skull indicates an opponent who's level is so much higher than the player and that combat is suicide.
A red number denotes a much higher level mob\player who is substantially more powerful than the player. A player who fights an opponent whose number is red will lose 99 out of 100 times.
An orange number indicates that the target's level is some way higher than the player and would make a very tough opponent.
A yellow number indicates and opponent that is similar in combat ability to the player.
A green number means a lower level opponent that will probably be easier to kill.
A black number means that the target is so low level, killing it will yield no XP or honor or reward of any kind.
Now, if Blizzard really wanted to control ganking\griefing they could introduce a PvP rule where a player cannot initiate combat in open play with another player whose level is too low in relation to himself (ie. denoted by a green or black number). Combat may be joined if the lower level player initiates combat first.
I'd put this in the WoW forum but I'll be hounded by ganker\griefer apologists who will accuse me of being a "carebear" or other terms like that, so I won't bother.
Besides, I feel Blizzard feeds off this issue and the controversy that it generates.
Anyways, I've made peace with the idea of being griefed in an MMO. It is a social construct and like the other social construct that it mirrors (ie real life) there will be assholes and criminals who prey on the weak and defenseless.
At least unlike in real life, I can eventually avenge myself without consequence...
In other WoW news, I'm also back to playing my highest level character, a lvl 51 warrior on a PVE server. You can't get ganked on a PVE server.
It's so much less nerve wracking.
I can also report that the pings I've been getting are pretty decent and the game doesn't lag quite like it used to.
I'm very pleased.
In other words, ganking is bullying. A ganker kills other players and griefs them just because. Usually, there are no ingame rewards for such activities. The just do it for kicks
There are many opinions regarding the practice of griefing and ganking in MMOs. Many people don't approve of such behaviour, myself included. Other people seem to think that it's acceptable.
People who may argue for the case of ganking\griefing as acceptable behaviour sometimes use the phrase "it's only a game" to justify their argument.
The problem is, it's not only a game. An MMO like WoW is not only a game, it is also a social construct, There are real people in the game world. So basically, ganking\griefing apologists condone the practise of enjoying themselves at other people's expense? Says a lot about their own personalities I think.
The thing that I sometimes find rather perplexing is that gankers\griefers and their fanboys act all surprised when people complain and condemn them on forums and other places.
They can twist and turn their argument any way they like, but the at the end of it all the truth is ganking\griefing is unacceptable and people who defend\indulge in it are assholes. They can use a million excuses but the fact remains that while they feel quite good after killing and corpse camping a level 8 character with their level 55, there is someone else out there who is getting pissed off and frustrated, and he can't do anything about it.
The entire thing is pointless and is the equivalent of schoolyard bullying. Pointless and a total waste of other people's time. Justifiable?
Obviously, having been camped to death and toyed with myself, I don't appreciate the ganking\griefing. The same way I hate bullying in fact.
Anyway, ever since I went back to WoW I've accepted the fact that if I play on a PvP server, I will probably be regularly killed like a sotong by some piece of shit 25 levels higher than me. It's fine. I'm not going to lose my temper because of something happening in an MMO. Only this time, I'm going to write down their names...
In fact, within 90 minutes of my first log on to my lvl 33 priest character I was attacked and nearly killed by a lvl 51 Night Elf hunter. Thank goodness for Fear...
I have an idea on how to reduce ganking in WoW actually. In WoW, when a player selects a target, he/she will be able to see the targets level. That level is denoted by a coloured number or a red skull. It's relative to the player's own level.
The skull indicates an opponent who's level is so much higher than the player and that combat is suicide.
A red number denotes a much higher level mob\player who is substantially more powerful than the player. A player who fights an opponent whose number is red will lose 99 out of 100 times.
An orange number indicates that the target's level is some way higher than the player and would make a very tough opponent.
A yellow number indicates and opponent that is similar in combat ability to the player.
A green number means a lower level opponent that will probably be easier to kill.
A black number means that the target is so low level, killing it will yield no XP or honor or reward of any kind.
Now, if Blizzard really wanted to control ganking\griefing they could introduce a PvP rule where a player cannot initiate combat in open play with another player whose level is too low in relation to himself (ie. denoted by a green or black number). Combat may be joined if the lower level player initiates combat first.
I'd put this in the WoW forum but I'll be hounded by ganker\griefer apologists who will accuse me of being a "carebear" or other terms like that, so I won't bother.
Besides, I feel Blizzard feeds off this issue and the controversy that it generates.
Anyways, I've made peace with the idea of being griefed in an MMO. It is a social construct and like the other social construct that it mirrors (ie real life) there will be assholes and criminals who prey on the weak and defenseless.
At least unlike in real life, I can eventually avenge myself without consequence...
In other WoW news, I'm also back to playing my highest level character, a lvl 51 warrior on a PVE server. You can't get ganked on a PVE server.
It's so much less nerve wracking.
I can also report that the pings I've been getting are pretty decent and the game doesn't lag quite like it used to.
I'm very pleased.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Shooting Over the Crossbar\UNO!\WoW
Eight days into February and only 2 posts. That is quite a lot number. During angstier blogging days, I would have at least 6 by now. When I think about my relatively low blogging activity, I do feel as if I'm being lazy.
I must keep my eyes peeled and write more. Perhaps I should write about girls again. I know one or two people who quite enjoy reading that kind of stuff.
To be honest, I quite enjoy reading about that too.
While I'm on that vein, relationship based topics are quite interesting to debate are they not? I do notice that a lot debates involving relation topics tend to generate into a "whose fault it is?" kind of flow.
I guess we all look for answers and many of us are kind of frustrated by our own apparent lack of ability to do what others seem to be able to do without even trying.
Anyway, I read another blog post about relationships here. It is yet another one of those "nice guys finish last" type of posts, a topic that is quite interesting to me.
I'm not going to write about the "nice guy" thing in detail though. I've written a lot of stuff about it before.
I do have an extra point that I've just thought about.
Those of us who, for one reason or another, can't get into relationships, need to consider one very important point.
When I go out and try to date, am I being realistic?
As I've said in another post before, sometimes we need to look in the mirror and see whether the person we like will have a reasonable chance of liking us back. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to be let down. We aim too "high".
That sounds kind of harsh doesn't it? Weren't we told that all us humans are equal and no one is better than the other? The sad truth is, in relationship at least, there is such a thing as levels. There is such a thing as vainly trying to attract someone who is way above you. You know the expression "way out of your league"?
At least from my own experiences and observation, this is true, unfortunately. Even yourself, are you going give your time of day to EVERYONE who says that they like you? There is always some kind of "minimum requirement" that potential partners must fulfill regardless of whether we are consciously doing the filtering or not. Someone can ask what kind of "minimum requirements" are justified and what are not? This is a whole topic which I can't be arsed to think about right now, to be honest.
Anyway, there you go. I think for some of us, the seeds of personal catastrophe come from the choices that we make, consciously or otherwise. So the next time we fall for someone, let's ask a question:
Am I being realistic?
Another thing that comes out of this is the question "How do I change my tastes in women/men?" Unfortunately, I have no idea.
These days, I like to say that my status is "Inactive" or "Out of Service" instead of just "Single". The thing is (and I think I've mentioned this in a previous post too) I have this self-destructive habit of getting attracted to women who are unavailable (married\long term relationship) or who will never see me "that way" or otherwise bad for me.
I still don't know why and I have no idea if it's related to my "tastes" which is, to be fair, quite reasonable. She doesn't really need to be physically "hot" like some model. She just needs to be "interesting". Also laid back. And not uber intense. And not interested in those "power games" some people like to play. And not have a short, unreasonable, random fuse ala my mom.
Sorry, I digressed.
Back on topic, I don't know where my self destructive relationship streak comes from. If it is my taste in women, how do I change it?
See? We all look for answers. Until I find a way to undo the fatal attraction, I will remain "Out of Service" until further notice.
In other news, my D&D thing is delayed due to work and a general lack of ideas on my part. Writing a plot is not an easy thing. Really. Anyway, my friends and I have discovered another equally evilly addictive pastime to while away the hours.
UNO!
This game is Evil. Seriously. It is so good, it's bad.
In other news, I triumphantly returned to World of Warcraft yesterday after spending the entire previous day download 900Mb worth of updates. So, I log in, go to my favourite server and loaded a character.
That was when I discovered that I had completely forgotten how to play the game...
So I went and created a new character to help me reorient myself. Things are going well and I'm going to resume a more advanced character tomorrow morning.
One of the better things that I noticed about this latest patched version of WoW is the way the game handles latency. My ping is quite bad, around 900ms. But the game doesn't feel laggy at all even when I'm in a city.
Oh yes, I've also just ordered Burning Crusade. I hope it doesn't get lost in the Chinese New Year mail rush.
I must keep my eyes peeled and write more. Perhaps I should write about girls again. I know one or two people who quite enjoy reading that kind of stuff.
To be honest, I quite enjoy reading about that too.
While I'm on that vein, relationship based topics are quite interesting to debate are they not? I do notice that a lot debates involving relation topics tend to generate into a "whose fault it is?" kind of flow.
I guess we all look for answers and many of us are kind of frustrated by our own apparent lack of ability to do what others seem to be able to do without even trying.
Anyway, I read another blog post about relationships here. It is yet another one of those "nice guys finish last" type of posts, a topic that is quite interesting to me.
I'm not going to write about the "nice guy" thing in detail though. I've written a lot of stuff about it before.
I do have an extra point that I've just thought about.
Those of us who, for one reason or another, can't get into relationships, need to consider one very important point.
When I go out and try to date, am I being realistic?
As I've said in another post before, sometimes we need to look in the mirror and see whether the person we like will have a reasonable chance of liking us back. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to be let down. We aim too "high".
That sounds kind of harsh doesn't it? Weren't we told that all us humans are equal and no one is better than the other? The sad truth is, in relationship at least, there is such a thing as levels. There is such a thing as vainly trying to attract someone who is way above you. You know the expression "way out of your league"?
At least from my own experiences and observation, this is true, unfortunately. Even yourself, are you going give your time of day to EVERYONE who says that they like you? There is always some kind of "minimum requirement" that potential partners must fulfill regardless of whether we are consciously doing the filtering or not. Someone can ask what kind of "minimum requirements" are justified and what are not? This is a whole topic which I can't be arsed to think about right now, to be honest.
Anyway, there you go. I think for some of us, the seeds of personal catastrophe come from the choices that we make, consciously or otherwise. So the next time we fall for someone, let's ask a question:
Am I being realistic?
Another thing that comes out of this is the question "How do I change my tastes in women/men?" Unfortunately, I have no idea.
These days, I like to say that my status is "Inactive" or "Out of Service" instead of just "Single". The thing is (and I think I've mentioned this in a previous post too) I have this self-destructive habit of getting attracted to women who are unavailable (married\long term relationship) or who will never see me "that way" or otherwise bad for me.
I still don't know why and I have no idea if it's related to my "tastes" which is, to be fair, quite reasonable. She doesn't really need to be physically "hot" like some model. She just needs to be "interesting". Also laid back. And not uber intense. And not interested in those "power games" some people like to play. And not have a short, unreasonable, random fuse ala my mom.
Sorry, I digressed.
Back on topic, I don't know where my self destructive relationship streak comes from. If it is my taste in women, how do I change it?
See? We all look for answers. Until I find a way to undo the fatal attraction, I will remain "Out of Service" until further notice.
In other news, my D&D thing is delayed due to work and a general lack of ideas on my part. Writing a plot is not an easy thing. Really. Anyway, my friends and I have discovered another equally evilly addictive pastime to while away the hours.
UNO!
This game is Evil. Seriously. It is so good, it's bad.
In other news, I triumphantly returned to World of Warcraft yesterday after spending the entire previous day download 900Mb worth of updates. So, I log in, go to my favourite server and loaded a character.
That was when I discovered that I had completely forgotten how to play the game...
So I went and created a new character to help me reorient myself. Things are going well and I'm going to resume a more advanced character tomorrow morning.
One of the better things that I noticed about this latest patched version of WoW is the way the game handles latency. My ping is quite bad, around 900ms. But the game doesn't feel laggy at all even when I'm in a city.
Oh yes, I've also just ordered Burning Crusade. I hope it doesn't get lost in the Chinese New Year mail rush.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
The Call of Azeroth...
I'm contemplating going back to World of Warcraft. More specifically, I'm contemplating going back to the gank infested cesspool of PVP hell that is Tichondrius, my very first WoW server. I have no idea why I want to go back.
One good thing I can think of is how it would affect my D&D gaming. I might be able to insert some WoW elements into it.
I went to the WoW website just now and I've also discovered that the Burning Crusade expansion is available for direct download. It's 1Gb plus though, so I think ordering it from TSB makes more sense. Besides, if I order it I get to keep the nice box and the CD.
So, I've decided to reactivate my account tomorrow night. If only one day or one week activation was allowed. I'd rather not pay one month's worth of subscription at this time, at least not before I'm satisfied with things like latency and patch downloading speeds. I'm going to go through with it though. It's not too expensive anyway.
And talking about money, I've also make a decision to remove a large chunk of my outstanding credit card bill one shot. I'll be in the black in February what with the Chinese New Year holidays and other overtime deals coming up. So when the bill arrives, I'm going to pay off at least half. So far so good, I've managed to stave off any desire to spend indiscriminately. I'm quite pleased with that. I had a list of stuff to buy using my credit facilities and so far I haven't gone above it.
I'm also contemplating pumping some cash into my ASB account to jump start it. I've recently started auto deduction straight of my monthly wages.
As you can see, I've been thinking quite a lot about money recently.
Ah money. I complain a lot about all kinds of shit in my life but if there was one (relative) success story it would be my financial situation.
I was perpetually broke for something like a decade. It feels nice to not be broke.
While I may not quite have enough to own property and drive a flashy car, the money I make is more than enough for my standard of living. If things work out, that situation is going to improve. Provided I don't go nuts and buy something shiny and ludicrously expensive with my credit card...
So I'm going off to reactivate my WoW account then. Before I go, I would like to share this excellently cool website with everyone. Freestuff = good. Thanks a lot to Gette for putting it up on her blog. I've been meaning to put it up here but I kept forgetting.
Back to work. Off on Monday.
One good thing I can think of is how it would affect my D&D gaming. I might be able to insert some WoW elements into it.
I went to the WoW website just now and I've also discovered that the Burning Crusade expansion is available for direct download. It's 1Gb plus though, so I think ordering it from TSB makes more sense. Besides, if I order it I get to keep the nice box and the CD.
So, I've decided to reactivate my account tomorrow night. If only one day or one week activation was allowed. I'd rather not pay one month's worth of subscription at this time, at least not before I'm satisfied with things like latency and patch downloading speeds. I'm going to go through with it though. It's not too expensive anyway.
And talking about money, I've also make a decision to remove a large chunk of my outstanding credit card bill one shot. I'll be in the black in February what with the Chinese New Year holidays and other overtime deals coming up. So when the bill arrives, I'm going to pay off at least half. So far so good, I've managed to stave off any desire to spend indiscriminately. I'm quite pleased with that. I had a list of stuff to buy using my credit facilities and so far I haven't gone above it.
I'm also contemplating pumping some cash into my ASB account to jump start it. I've recently started auto deduction straight of my monthly wages.
As you can see, I've been thinking quite a lot about money recently.
Ah money. I complain a lot about all kinds of shit in my life but if there was one (relative) success story it would be my financial situation.
I was perpetually broke for something like a decade. It feels nice to not be broke.
While I may not quite have enough to own property and drive a flashy car, the money I make is more than enough for my standard of living. If things work out, that situation is going to improve. Provided I don't go nuts and buy something shiny and ludicrously expensive with my credit card...
So I'm going off to reactivate my WoW account then. Before I go, I would like to share this excellently cool website with everyone. Freestuff = good. Thanks a lot to Gette for putting it up on her blog. I've been meaning to put it up here but I kept forgetting.
Back to work. Off on Monday.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Dead Torrents\D&D DM\Scudetto
Sometimes, it's hard to log on to Blogger. Like earlier this evening. And late last night.
My torrent problem is unsolvable. I tried a localhost proxy server and that allowed me to actually connect to a torrent tracker without having the connection reset after 2 seconds but my speed is still zero.
I'm going to give that a rest for a while.
Besides, I've discovered alternative ways to get downloads. While it is slower that using bit torrent, it should be enough for a while.
In other news, my friends and I are very sad because our resident Dungeon Master has decided to move to Singapore due to family and employment commitments. We wish him the best.
Of course that leaves us with a bunch of eager roleplayers with no DM.
I did mention in an earlier post that I was contemplating about running a game didn't I? So I've decided to try it.
So, I've been doing some reading and research the last few days. Those DM shoes are really big to fill I've discovered. The devil is in the details. Underneath the game is a whole load of rules that makes everything work.
It's all quite daunting. And that's just the game mechanics. I haven't mentioned the fact that a DM needs to think of a story to place the game in.
So yes, it's very daunting. At the same time, I'm quite excited. I have a rough idea of what I need to do so this isn't exactly a stab in the dark, unlike some of the other things I've done.
We'll probably start prepping properly next week when I'm off work. This is going to be fun. Hopefully.
Wish me luck then.
Meanwhile in my Football Manager 2007 Juventus game, I've just won my first Scudetto after a titanic struggle against the two Milan teams. I won it on the last day. On the third last round, we had managed to somehow lose to a relegation threatened Atalanta side and fell behind 2 points with two games left to play.
Both remaining games were against bottom sides for both us and Milan. I was thinking the title is lost, no way is Milan going to lose to Modena and Rimini. Even if we did win our own two final games at Catania and Modena (oddly enough) we'd still be 2 points behind.
We went on the road and as expected beat Catania 2-0. To my shocked delight, I noticed that Modena had somehow managed to hold Milan to a 1-1 draw. Advantage back to me and Juve, 1 point on top.
So in the last game of a rather difficult season, all I had to do was beat Modena at home.
We beat them 7-1.
Such a sweet victory but to be honest I felt kind of sorry for Modena. By losing to us, they got relegated back to Serie B. If only I did better in my other competitions. I got knocked out of the Champs League by Chelsea and the Coppa Italia by Inter...
Ahh Football Manager, a sports management sim so realistic it also models the hair tearing frustrations that real managers feel. Being at a top team doesn't make it any easier...
My torrent problem is unsolvable. I tried a localhost proxy server and that allowed me to actually connect to a torrent tracker without having the connection reset after 2 seconds but my speed is still zero.
I'm going to give that a rest for a while.
Besides, I've discovered alternative ways to get downloads. While it is slower that using bit torrent, it should be enough for a while.
In other news, my friends and I are very sad because our resident Dungeon Master has decided to move to Singapore due to family and employment commitments. We wish him the best.
Of course that leaves us with a bunch of eager roleplayers with no DM.
I did mention in an earlier post that I was contemplating about running a game didn't I? So I've decided to try it.
So, I've been doing some reading and research the last few days. Those DM shoes are really big to fill I've discovered. The devil is in the details. Underneath the game is a whole load of rules that makes everything work.
It's all quite daunting. And that's just the game mechanics. I haven't mentioned the fact that a DM needs to think of a story to place the game in.
So yes, it's very daunting. At the same time, I'm quite excited. I have a rough idea of what I need to do so this isn't exactly a stab in the dark, unlike some of the other things I've done.
We'll probably start prepping properly next week when I'm off work. This is going to be fun. Hopefully.
Wish me luck then.
Meanwhile in my Football Manager 2007 Juventus game, I've just won my first Scudetto after a titanic struggle against the two Milan teams. I won it on the last day. On the third last round, we had managed to somehow lose to a relegation threatened Atalanta side and fell behind 2 points with two games left to play.
Both remaining games were against bottom sides for both us and Milan. I was thinking the title is lost, no way is Milan going to lose to Modena and Rimini. Even if we did win our own two final games at Catania and Modena (oddly enough) we'd still be 2 points behind.
We went on the road and as expected beat Catania 2-0. To my shocked delight, I noticed that Modena had somehow managed to hold Milan to a 1-1 draw. Advantage back to me and Juve, 1 point on top.
So in the last game of a rather difficult season, all I had to do was beat Modena at home.
We beat them 7-1.
Such a sweet victory but to be honest I felt kind of sorry for Modena. By losing to us, they got relegated back to Serie B. If only I did better in my other competitions. I got knocked out of the Champs League by Chelsea and the Coppa Italia by Inter...
Ahh Football Manager, a sports management sim so realistic it also models the hair tearing frustrations that real managers feel. Being at a top team doesn't make it any easier...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
A Good Dream...
... is as good as anything when you need a lift.
But first...
... The last few days I've been furiously experimenting on my PC. To my dismay, I've discovered that TMNut, our belover Internet ServiceCartel Provider has not only capped P2P and BitTorrent speeds but has recently resorted to shutting down communication with overseas torrent trackers.
Which means that it's impossible to download anything via BitTorrent.
I've looked through various forums and according to some posters who took the trouble to ask Telekom, the usage capping was done ostensibly to save the already limited bandwidth due the that earthquake last month.
I have a bad feeling that TMNut won't unshackle tracker communications even after full capacity restoration.
I just have this feeling in my gut.
I'd like to know how the hell would World of Warcraft players receive their updates when they can't use BitTorrent?
I've also read somewhere that TMNut has started blocking iTunes, of all things. Is that true? Some verification would be nice.
Maybe I'm just being my cynical self, but despite all those posters on various forums writing in and complaining I seriously doubt TMNut big wigs will give a shit. We're not corporate users so...
If they did care enough, they would've done something a long time ago.
What can you do, as long as the TMNut monopoly lasts this is how things are going to be.
Enough of complaining today then.
Anyway the dream.
It was great. I can't remember what it was really about. All I could remember was that I was happy. And there was somebody there with me.
Even more interesting was the fact that that person actually exists.
Unfortunately, that person is very extremely unavailable in real life.
This is me after all, with my unhealthy proneness to being attracted to women who are impossible to have relations with. Is anyone even remotely surprised?
So it's kind of a good thing that I don't really feel (and have never felt) like THAT for her in real life. It would be rather awkward if I ever did.
Oh well. I refuse to dwell on that. A lift is a lift and this morning I felt great because of it. Perhaps it was God giving me a break and letting me sample what happiness might be like. If it was, I appreciate it. It was nice.
Meanwhile back on the Material Plane, life goes on as it usually and inexorably does.
I have one more day of work tomorrow.
But first...
... The last few days I've been furiously experimenting on my PC. To my dismay, I've discovered that TMNut, our belover Internet Service
Which means that it's impossible to download anything via BitTorrent.
I've looked through various forums and according to some posters who took the trouble to ask Telekom, the usage capping was done ostensibly to save the already limited bandwidth due the that earthquake last month.
I have a bad feeling that TMNut won't unshackle tracker communications even after full capacity restoration.
I just have this feeling in my gut.
I'd like to know how the hell would World of Warcraft players receive their updates when they can't use BitTorrent?
I've also read somewhere that TMNut has started blocking iTunes, of all things. Is that true? Some verification would be nice.
Maybe I'm just being my cynical self, but despite all those posters on various forums writing in and complaining I seriously doubt TMNut big wigs will give a shit. We're not corporate users so...
If they did care enough, they would've done something a long time ago.
What can you do, as long as the TMNut monopoly lasts this is how things are going to be.
Enough of complaining today then.
Anyway the dream.
It was great. I can't remember what it was really about. All I could remember was that I was happy. And there was somebody there with me.
Even more interesting was the fact that that person actually exists.
Unfortunately, that person is very extremely unavailable in real life.
This is me after all, with my unhealthy proneness to being attracted to women who are impossible to have relations with. Is anyone even remotely surprised?
So it's kind of a good thing that I don't really feel (and have never felt) like THAT for her in real life. It would be rather awkward if I ever did.
Oh well. I refuse to dwell on that. A lift is a lift and this morning I felt great because of it. Perhaps it was God giving me a break and letting me sample what happiness might be like. If it was, I appreciate it. It was nice.
Meanwhile back on the Material Plane, life goes on as it usually and inexorably does.
I have one more day of work tomorrow.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Disturbingly Racist Malaysians
I was actually going to write about D&D today, but this topic is more fun.
The new style blogger template has a nice feature which I like a lot. The archive section has a post counter. It tells you how many entries have been posted in a particular month or year.
My post count has been going down steadily. In a way it's a good sign. Fewer posts means fewer complaints which must mean that my life as a whole is getting more satisfactory. Unfortunately, fewer complaints makes Riding the Mellow less fun to read.
Oh well.
Anyway, I do have something to say this morning.
A good friend of mine recently told me how a certain friend of hers has stopped supporting a certain football team because they have a Jewish player on their books.
He also apparently said other choice, fascists remarks implying that association with people of a certain faith is a bad thing.
You know what's the saddest thing about this? The saddest thing about this is that I'm not in the least bit shocked.
This sort of anti-semitic (and other overtly racist and bigoted) bullshit happens a lot in this country, especially by people who live in a certain part of the country that I (thankfully) don't live in.
Malaysian people are in general, quite nice. They only become idiots when some gallery-playing politician wannabe or some headless religious fanatic fires them up.
See? Sometimes being too afraid and respectful of authority figures can be a bad thing. People need to exercise the right to question even their leaders and use their own eyes and ears for a change.
Anyway, by some strange coincidence I was reading the papers this morning and there was a hell lot of articles about national unity and such. Specifically, apparent lack of said unity. It is very strange actually. Apparently 30 years ago, things are more relaxed and less people made a big deal out of other peoples' races.
There were also articles about the new Ethnic Relations module for public universities which is good. At least someone's trying to do something.
There are things that can be done but I doubt it will be done because of how things work here.
There's local politics and how it's always organized around racial/religious lines. The original idea was to have a vehicle to bring up issues pertaining a certain racial section of society. Which is fine and dandy.
Unfortunately, race/religion based parties also breed zealots and ultras who villify "the others". Some of these people are crap wannabes who offer no real innovation other than defending their race from "threats". Some others really believe in their master race ideology and some are really driven by hate. Which ever kind they are, they play to the gallery and that sort of rhetoric filters down to the people.
You'd figure that level headed leaders will come down on their less than enlightened party members. They can't. Ultras and zealots command some serious influence and coming down on them will mean losing that influence (and votes). So once in a while they need to do things so to appease their more radical following. Which doesn't help with the national unity thing.
Some people know better and ignore such crazy talk. But some other people don't know better. Even worse than that, some of these chauvinists manage to find their way high up the political system. Their presence has a subtle effect on how things work. Like our education system, which is a whole different blog post so I won't talk about that now.
And there's religion. I personally feel that many Malaysians are more obsessed by the appearance of piety rather than actually being pious. These include some people in high places. Being pious is hard work. It's a long journey of discovery and enlightenment regardless of which faith one professes.
Appearing to be pious is so much less of a hassle. It's very simple. Dress like a religious person. Talk like a religious person. Ocassionally say something incredibly crass about women. Or talk about "unbelievers" and remind supporters of how much of a "threat" they are. And let's not forget the "All Jews are evil" boilerplate. Always a winner there.
This method works because there are Malaysians who are too respectful of "religious scholars" and believe everything they say. Once again, failure to ask questions and verify facts leads to ignorance and bigotry. So we have "religious" people who refuse to associate with "the others" for fear of losing their faith or worse, being accused of infidelity themselves.
How is that going to help reduce racism and promote unity?
I've always said that mixing religion and politics is a very, very bad idea.
Our entire social and political system needs a revamp away from religious and racial lines. Will it happen? Can it happen? Everyone has eyes to see and ears to hear. See and hear and come to your own conclusions.
Our leadership has to take a long hard look at itself if it really wants to change things.
So what am I doing about this racism thing?
I posted before about everyone having racial biases and prejudices, shaped by their experiences and the stuff you get from older relatives and people around you.
So yeah, I have had some less than flattering opinions about certain kinds of people based on what I hear and experience. But I also know that it's not right to have such feelings. So the onus is up to me to suppress and override and eventually disprove those feelings. My feelings and opinions are my responsibility after all.
In other words my part of the deal against racism is to not be a racist myself, despite some residual prejudices I might have. After al, no one is truly completely impartial.
It's not huge, but at least I'm not a fascist scum which is more than I can say for some people.
The new style blogger template has a nice feature which I like a lot. The archive section has a post counter. It tells you how many entries have been posted in a particular month or year.
My post count has been going down steadily. In a way it's a good sign. Fewer posts means fewer complaints which must mean that my life as a whole is getting more satisfactory. Unfortunately, fewer complaints makes Riding the Mellow less fun to read.
Oh well.
Anyway, I do have something to say this morning.
A good friend of mine recently told me how a certain friend of hers has stopped supporting a certain football team because they have a Jewish player on their books.
He also apparently said other choice, fascists remarks implying that association with people of a certain faith is a bad thing.
You know what's the saddest thing about this? The saddest thing about this is that I'm not in the least bit shocked.
This sort of anti-semitic (and other overtly racist and bigoted) bullshit happens a lot in this country, especially by people who live in a certain part of the country that I (thankfully) don't live in.
Malaysian people are in general, quite nice. They only become idiots when some gallery-playing politician wannabe or some headless religious fanatic fires them up.
See? Sometimes being too afraid and respectful of authority figures can be a bad thing. People need to exercise the right to question even their leaders and use their own eyes and ears for a change.
Anyway, by some strange coincidence I was reading the papers this morning and there was a hell lot of articles about national unity and such. Specifically, apparent lack of said unity. It is very strange actually. Apparently 30 years ago, things are more relaxed and less people made a big deal out of other peoples' races.
There were also articles about the new Ethnic Relations module for public universities which is good. At least someone's trying to do something.
There are things that can be done but I doubt it will be done because of how things work here.
There's local politics and how it's always organized around racial/religious lines. The original idea was to have a vehicle to bring up issues pertaining a certain racial section of society. Which is fine and dandy.
Unfortunately, race/religion based parties also breed zealots and ultras who villify "the others". Some of these people are crap wannabes who offer no real innovation other than defending their race from "threats". Some others really believe in their master race ideology and some are really driven by hate. Which ever kind they are, they play to the gallery and that sort of rhetoric filters down to the people.
You'd figure that level headed leaders will come down on their less than enlightened party members. They can't. Ultras and zealots command some serious influence and coming down on them will mean losing that influence (and votes). So once in a while they need to do things so to appease their more radical following. Which doesn't help with the national unity thing.
Some people know better and ignore such crazy talk. But some other people don't know better. Even worse than that, some of these chauvinists manage to find their way high up the political system. Their presence has a subtle effect on how things work. Like our education system, which is a whole different blog post so I won't talk about that now.
And there's religion. I personally feel that many Malaysians are more obsessed by the appearance of piety rather than actually being pious. These include some people in high places. Being pious is hard work. It's a long journey of discovery and enlightenment regardless of which faith one professes.
Appearing to be pious is so much less of a hassle. It's very simple. Dress like a religious person. Talk like a religious person. Ocassionally say something incredibly crass about women. Or talk about "unbelievers" and remind supporters of how much of a "threat" they are. And let's not forget the "All Jews are evil" boilerplate. Always a winner there.
This method works because there are Malaysians who are too respectful of "religious scholars" and believe everything they say. Once again, failure to ask questions and verify facts leads to ignorance and bigotry. So we have "religious" people who refuse to associate with "the others" for fear of losing their faith or worse, being accused of infidelity themselves.
How is that going to help reduce racism and promote unity?
I've always said that mixing religion and politics is a very, very bad idea.
Our entire social and political system needs a revamp away from religious and racial lines. Will it happen? Can it happen? Everyone has eyes to see and ears to hear. See and hear and come to your own conclusions.
Our leadership has to take a long hard look at itself if it really wants to change things.
So what am I doing about this racism thing?
I posted before about everyone having racial biases and prejudices, shaped by their experiences and the stuff you get from older relatives and people around you.
So yeah, I have had some less than flattering opinions about certain kinds of people based on what I hear and experience. But I also know that it's not right to have such feelings. So the onus is up to me to suppress and override and eventually disprove those feelings. My feelings and opinions are my responsibility after all.
In other words my part of the deal against racism is to not be a racist myself, despite some residual prejudices I might have. After al, no one is truly completely impartial.
It's not huge, but at least I'm not a fascist scum which is more than I can say for some people.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Schedule Change/RPG
My life is about to get kind of complicated because...
... it's that time of the year where my work shift changes. Therefore, my working days will be even less predictable than they are until everything stabilizes at the end of February.
I don't like this. This is one part of the job I don't particularly enjoy. The other parts that I'm beginning to get really bored with include working at night and working on public holidays\weekends.
Too bad decent jobs are hard to come by in Kuching, otherwise I'd move. I'd love to work normal hours again and be free when everyone else is free. I suppose I could move to where the grass is "greener" but my situation isn't that dire so I'm staying put.
And that place where the grass is "greener"? Actually, the "greener" grass comes with a price I'm not really willing to pay unfortunately. Speaking off which, my brother will be flying back there after his extended break from studying and job hunting. I hope he will be fine and he will get a nice job.
Not much else happened while I was away from the internet.
I went to check for music downloads and again, I didn't find anything I wanted. I think I may be suffering from download burnout. My intermittently crap connection didn't help and the bad weather over the last few days makes it even worse.
The guys have started to play D&D again. I got all nostalgic. I played a long time ago. The best part of the whole thing this time is the fact that some of the new group are RPG newbies. Always great to see people adjusting to the whole "acting" and "being in character" thing. Takes a bit of getting used to.
Occasionally I do contemplate being a DM. I do have some decent story ideas. The problem I have now is that I'm not really a good story teller. A good DM must be a good storyteller first and foremost. Also, he needs to be fast and be ready to take the story in a new direction when a player or players do something unexpected.
But if I was a good storyteller, I think it would be so much fun. I'm just watching this time around and already it's so much fun. If I had more time, I'd play too. But alas...
So, this means that I'm still playing Football Manager 2007. It's still excellent and I can't wait for the new patch coming out at the end of the month.
Life is pretty decent so far and the year 2007 hasn't felt "old" yet. More to come...
... it's that time of the year where my work shift changes. Therefore, my working days will be even less predictable than they are until everything stabilizes at the end of February.
I don't like this. This is one part of the job I don't particularly enjoy. The other parts that I'm beginning to get really bored with include working at night and working on public holidays\weekends.
Too bad decent jobs are hard to come by in Kuching, otherwise I'd move. I'd love to work normal hours again and be free when everyone else is free. I suppose I could move to where the grass is "greener" but my situation isn't that dire so I'm staying put.
And that place where the grass is "greener"? Actually, the "greener" grass comes with a price I'm not really willing to pay unfortunately. Speaking off which, my brother will be flying back there after his extended break from studying and job hunting. I hope he will be fine and he will get a nice job.
Not much else happened while I was away from the internet.
I went to check for music downloads and again, I didn't find anything I wanted. I think I may be suffering from download burnout. My intermittently crap connection didn't help and the bad weather over the last few days makes it even worse.
The guys have started to play D&D again. I got all nostalgic. I played a long time ago. The best part of the whole thing this time is the fact that some of the new group are RPG newbies. Always great to see people adjusting to the whole "acting" and "being in character" thing. Takes a bit of getting used to.
Occasionally I do contemplate being a DM. I do have some decent story ideas. The problem I have now is that I'm not really a good story teller. A good DM must be a good storyteller first and foremost. Also, he needs to be fast and be ready to take the story in a new direction when a player or players do something unexpected.
But if I was a good storyteller, I think it would be so much fun. I'm just watching this time around and already it's so much fun. If I had more time, I'd play too. But alas...
So, this means that I'm still playing Football Manager 2007. It's still excellent and I can't wait for the new patch coming out at the end of the month.
Life is pretty decent so far and the year 2007 hasn't felt "old" yet. More to come...
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
New Template\More Magic Bullets
Just upgraded the template. You will notice some minor differences if you look closely. Overall, I'm happy with the new widget-based template editing. Takes the headache and intimidation of trawling through lines of code.
Blogrolling seems to be down. What a bummer. I have links I wanted to add/remove.
Oh yes before I forget, I read this nice article about Hang Tuah and how they are actually TWO parts to his story and not just the one where he kills his best friend because the Sultan asked him to.
Read it here. I'm suddenly quite interested to read the other half myself.
Anyway, apart from that things are pretty much normal right now.
I felt much better after the rant in the last post. A visitor suggested a link to Cultivate Greatness, which was a nice gesture. Some of the stuff on the website is quite good reading.
There is something that I want to say about inspirational or self help stuff though.
Of course it's a good thing and it helps. Sometimes. But sometimes, self help literature can be very vague at best or very cliched at worst. I sometimes wish I could find something more specific and definitive to the things that ail me. I'm sure a lot of people would want more specific advice about getting over their issues.
Like the self esteem issue for example. The most obvious bit of advice would be "have confidence in yourself". But how exactly does one get that confidence. Surely it can't be pulled out of thin air and surely it can be as simple as snapping ones fingers and proclaiming,"I'm confident!" I think that method is called "being delusional"
I've looked around and again, no one seems to have a definitive method to boost self confidence. I'm aware that each case is different and different methods have different results for different individuals. But I'm thinking surely there must be some things that are true for all cases. Surely there must be a common initial step that one can take. Preferably without wiping out your life savings by doing pro therapy in the process.
Yeah, I guess I'm still looking for the magic bullet. I'm also probably going to get a lot of stick for this, by wanting a so-called "easy" solution. In my defense, I don't care whether it's "easy" or "hard". I just want some kind of tangible answer, a shove in the correct direction, if you will.
Self esteem isn't the only issue that doesn't seem to have a black and white solution. I could write an entire separate blog about each and every question I have about a lot of things.
Perhaps I'm just too blind to see. Or too thick to find the answers. Perhaps this is my so-called "Cross"?
Anyway having said all of that, things aren't as bad as they used to be. It used to be a LOT worse. I feel I'm getting better all the time. I just wish I would get better faster before I'm too old to really enjoy my life.
Tomorrow I get off work so I don't think I'll be posting.
Oh and yesterday I found a blog belonging to someone my brother used to go out with. It was very.... unsettling to read.
Blogrolling seems to be down. What a bummer. I have links I wanted to add/remove.
Oh yes before I forget, I read this nice article about Hang Tuah and how they are actually TWO parts to his story and not just the one where he kills his best friend because the Sultan asked him to.
Read it here. I'm suddenly quite interested to read the other half myself.
Anyway, apart from that things are pretty much normal right now.
I felt much better after the rant in the last post. A visitor suggested a link to Cultivate Greatness, which was a nice gesture. Some of the stuff on the website is quite good reading.
There is something that I want to say about inspirational or self help stuff though.
Of course it's a good thing and it helps. Sometimes. But sometimes, self help literature can be very vague at best or very cliched at worst. I sometimes wish I could find something more specific and definitive to the things that ail me. I'm sure a lot of people would want more specific advice about getting over their issues.
Like the self esteem issue for example. The most obvious bit of advice would be "have confidence in yourself". But how exactly does one get that confidence. Surely it can't be pulled out of thin air and surely it can be as simple as snapping ones fingers and proclaiming,"I'm confident!" I think that method is called "being delusional"
I've looked around and again, no one seems to have a definitive method to boost self confidence. I'm aware that each case is different and different methods have different results for different individuals. But I'm thinking surely there must be some things that are true for all cases. Surely there must be a common initial step that one can take. Preferably without wiping out your life savings by doing pro therapy in the process.
Yeah, I guess I'm still looking for the magic bullet. I'm also probably going to get a lot of stick for this, by wanting a so-called "easy" solution. In my defense, I don't care whether it's "easy" or "hard". I just want some kind of tangible answer, a shove in the correct direction, if you will.
Self esteem isn't the only issue that doesn't seem to have a black and white solution. I could write an entire separate blog about each and every question I have about a lot of things.
Perhaps I'm just too blind to see. Or too thick to find the answers. Perhaps this is my so-called "Cross"?
Anyway having said all of that, things aren't as bad as they used to be. It used to be a LOT worse. I feel I'm getting better all the time. I just wish I would get better faster before I'm too old to really enjoy my life.
Tomorrow I get off work so I don't think I'll be posting.
Oh and yesterday I found a blog belonging to someone my brother used to go out with. It was very.... unsettling to read.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Yourself or Someone Else
"Cos all I really want is to be with you
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you"
- Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
Let me give an example of stupidity.
A long, long time ago, I envied guys who are more "popular" than me, so to speak. Of course, these days I know why I wasn't "popular". I was an introverted geek. Obviously, one must be outgoing and social to be "popular" and have many friends. Like my brothers for instance. Since I was an introverted geek with huge, cheap glasses and a stutter, there was no way that was going to happen.
Stupidity no.1. The reasons were right there in (on?) my face. I didn't see it.
You'd figure that knowing why would help one feel better and stop wishing for things that ain't gonna happen right?
Stupidity no. 2. Nope.
I'm 34 this year and guess what? Even to this very day, I look at people and still wish I was "popular", so to speak. Like my brother. He probably envies me because I have a stable job and I seem to have endless amounts of money. Probably.
But I still turn green when I consider how well known he is.
I know why I'm not like that. I'm not really good at being an extrovert. I get self conscious very quickly in a social situation, particularly if I have no "wingman" who can back me up. I'm much too cowardly to even try and "break to envelope". Unless I get a sudden shot of courage, get hit in the head and get amnesia or have a personality transplant, being the centre of attention is just wishful thinking.
I have a good idea why I am like I am. So I ought to just relax and accept the way I am.
And yet there are times I catch myself wishing I was someone else.
When you're 16, that's kind of normal. Expected even.
At 34, that's just stupid. This wishing to be other people malarkey is a symptom of low self worth isn't it?
A 3o-something isn't supposed to have such childish issues anymore.
Now, how do I stop being stupid? How do I increase my "self worth" without deluding myself into thinking I'm "better" than I am?
What I need now is some kind of Magic Bullet that will permanently remove these idiotic occasions where I wish I was someone else and make me permanently satisfied and grateful for being who I am.
Anybody have a magic gun?
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you"
- Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
Let me give an example of stupidity.
A long, long time ago, I envied guys who are more "popular" than me, so to speak. Of course, these days I know why I wasn't "popular". I was an introverted geek. Obviously, one must be outgoing and social to be "popular" and have many friends. Like my brothers for instance. Since I was an introverted geek with huge, cheap glasses and a stutter, there was no way that was going to happen.
Stupidity no.1. The reasons were right there in (on?) my face. I didn't see it.
You'd figure that knowing why would help one feel better and stop wishing for things that ain't gonna happen right?
Stupidity no. 2. Nope.
I'm 34 this year and guess what? Even to this very day, I look at people and still wish I was "popular", so to speak. Like my brother. He probably envies me because I have a stable job and I seem to have endless amounts of money. Probably.
But I still turn green when I consider how well known he is.
I know why I'm not like that. I'm not really good at being an extrovert. I get self conscious very quickly in a social situation, particularly if I have no "wingman" who can back me up. I'm much too cowardly to even try and "break to envelope". Unless I get a sudden shot of courage, get hit in the head and get amnesia or have a personality transplant, being the centre of attention is just wishful thinking.
I have a good idea why I am like I am. So I ought to just relax and accept the way I am.
And yet there are times I catch myself wishing I was someone else.
When you're 16, that's kind of normal. Expected even.
At 34, that's just stupid. This wishing to be other people malarkey is a symptom of low self worth isn't it?
A 3o-something isn't supposed to have such childish issues anymore.
Now, how do I stop being stupid? How do I increase my "self worth" without deluding myself into thinking I'm "better" than I am?
What I need now is some kind of Magic Bullet that will permanently remove these idiotic occasions where I wish I was someone else and make me permanently satisfied and grateful for being who I am.
Anybody have a magic gun?
Monday, January 15, 2007
The Shopgirl/Football Snippets
There is this sundry shop across the street from my house that I go to when I want to get canned goods and cigarettes.
There is this very friendly shopgirl there, always smiling and always in a good mood. I think she's either the towkay-neo or someone related to the family who owns the shop.
With each visit, I'm beginning to find her increasingly more attractive.
Of course since this is me and my this self-destructive attraction to unattainable women we're talking about here, this means that she is probably (a) married but doesn't want to wear her ring or (b) involved in a long term relationship or (c) unattainable in some other way.
*sigh*
Anyway with all honesty and seriousness, I don't think we're each others type.
Enough of that then.
-----
Sports fans of all kinds would no doubt know that the biggest news this week involves a certain ex-Manure and soon to be ex-Galactico midfielder.
He claims that he wants to move to the US because he wanted a new "challenge" and to make a difference in American soccer. I would like to believe that actually. I really do.
Unfortunately, I have this nagging suspicion that his wife had a hand in his decision to move.
Whatever the reason, the good thing is at least football (soccer) is suddenly hyped in American news and this kind of publicity will do it good. I would like more Americans to like the game and become fans.
Talking about football, the ASEAN Football Championship is currently on in Thailand and Singapore. The national team is playing in Thailand and grouped together with Philippines, Myanmar and the hosts. So far, 1 win and 1 draw. Tomorrow, Malaysia play Thailand with qualification at stake.
Why is this remarkable? This is remarkable because for the first time in my life, I'm not laughing at them and instead am actually hoping that they do well.
I don't know why.
Anyway, this is our only realistic chance to win anything. Later this year, Malaysia host one group of the Asian Nations Cup and frankly, there is no way in hell we are getting out of our qualifying group which consists of Iran(!!), China(!!) and Uzbekistan. I'd love for us to be able to qualify but I don't think we're good enough.
The last few days have had a lot of football in it. Been playing Football Manager quite a bit. But this week, I also made it a point to break up my gaming sessions more frequently and go do some other thing, like watch TV. It's a nice change of pace.
Talking about TV, I watched a documentary about Japan. Ahh Japan, what an intriguing place and what intriguing culture they have. One day, I must go and visit.
I'm working this week so I expect another post within the next few days.
There is this very friendly shopgirl there, always smiling and always in a good mood. I think she's either the towkay-neo or someone related to the family who owns the shop.
With each visit, I'm beginning to find her increasingly more attractive.
Of course since this is me and my this self-destructive attraction to unattainable women we're talking about here, this means that she is probably (a) married but doesn't want to wear her ring or (b) involved in a long term relationship or (c) unattainable in some other way.
*sigh*
Anyway with all honesty and seriousness, I don't think we're each others type.
Enough of that then.
-----
Sports fans of all kinds would no doubt know that the biggest news this week involves a certain ex-Manure and soon to be ex-Galactico midfielder.
He claims that he wants to move to the US because he wanted a new "challenge" and to make a difference in American soccer. I would like to believe that actually. I really do.
Unfortunately, I have this nagging suspicion that his wife had a hand in his decision to move.
Whatever the reason, the good thing is at least football (soccer) is suddenly hyped in American news and this kind of publicity will do it good. I would like more Americans to like the game and become fans.
Talking about football, the ASEAN Football Championship is currently on in Thailand and Singapore. The national team is playing in Thailand and grouped together with Philippines, Myanmar and the hosts. So far, 1 win and 1 draw. Tomorrow, Malaysia play Thailand with qualification at stake.
Why is this remarkable? This is remarkable because for the first time in my life, I'm not laughing at them and instead am actually hoping that they do well.
I don't know why.
Anyway, this is our only realistic chance to win anything. Later this year, Malaysia host one group of the Asian Nations Cup and frankly, there is no way in hell we are getting out of our qualifying group which consists of Iran(!!), China(!!) and Uzbekistan. I'd love for us to be able to qualify but I don't think we're good enough.
The last few days have had a lot of football in it. Been playing Football Manager quite a bit. But this week, I also made it a point to break up my gaming sessions more frequently and go do some other thing, like watch TV. It's a nice change of pace.
Talking about TV, I watched a documentary about Japan. Ahh Japan, what an intriguing place and what intriguing culture they have. One day, I must go and visit.
I'm working this week so I expect another post within the next few days.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Weird Science?
I was reading this. From there I discovered this. And that led me to this. And then this.
This makes good reading too.
Is flirting and meeting people of the opposite gender an art? Or can it be considered a science? Is it both? I'm beginning to think that perhaps it IS a science. Psychology to be more exact.
I'll be honest and say that if it does turn out to be a "science" and if it does turn out that there are certain "methods" that work in flirting with women, I'll be quite disappointed.
Disappointed as in most of the advice that I've gotten and most of the ideals that I used to believe in are all mistaken. Yes, I admit despite some of the stuff I write about this I still kind of hope that at least some of our romantic ideals would turn out to be true.
At least it work for many people I know.
One common thing I kept getting was,"Be yourself" or "Be true to yourself". Sounds good in theory doesn't it, all noble and all that. No need to change anything about yourself. You are good enough.
Are you?
In a previous post, I mentioned certain individuals that we had noticed. These individuals are so messed up and laden with so many problems, no amount of trying will be enough to get them female attention. Something to do with personality flaws from what I can see.
Be true to yourself? What do you do when being true to yourself IS actually the problem.
So you change your personality I suppose. Spank the inner moppet, get over it, identify and solve your problems. But suddenly I remember someone said a long time ago (or was that a comment someone left on this blog, I can't quite remember) changing your personality is the same as faking it, i.e you can't change who you are.
I'm confused. How far do you take "self-improvement" before it can be considered "faking"? And if a gormless, charmless, Average Frustrated Chump gradually changes into someone better and more socially adept, is he still himself or did he become someone else?
This doesn't sound like being true to yourself at all.
More importantly does it really matter?
One other thing. I get stuff like this in my mail too, i.e how to approach and get a woman's (hopefully positive) attention. The thing I don't really like about stuff like this is that at first glance it appears that it stereotypes and objectifies women. That's on one hand.
On the other hand, you have to admit (I'm sure many women will too) that some guys really do need some help when it comes to this. Some guys really need help so that they stop being creepy or being hapless chumps who can't handle themselves in company. I'm quite sure that many "creepy" guys don't want to be creepy. I know I wouldn't want to be. Likewise for people who are "annoying". For the necessary help to be conveyed sometimes abstract concepts need to be quantified, I guess.
Hence the "objectification".
This is the thing, when it comes to love, relationship and all that stuff I find myself constantly being pulled apart in two distinctly different directions. Do I let it flow naturally and be myself, which incidentally I've tried. So far it hasn't worked but I won't discuss the possible reasons here. That's a whole 10 page essay all by itself.
Or do I get a so-called "Players" Handbook" (or use a dating website or a forum) and use the "methods" therein? I haven't done this because frankly it sounds so "artificial".
I would love to fall in love again. It's been so very long since that happened and I'm not getting any younger. But when I think about it and all the confusion and potential trauma that can result from it, I wonder. Is it really worth it all.
Perhaps I've become too cold but I sometimes think that luck and fate are the ONLY things that matter and any other futile attempts are exactly that.
One final question, to women especially.
If you discovered that your husband/boyfriend whom you so adore first attracted you using a "method" or a "pickup" he found in a book/website/dating seminar/etc, would it matter? Would it upset you?
I would really like to know.
This makes good reading too.
Is flirting and meeting people of the opposite gender an art? Or can it be considered a science? Is it both? I'm beginning to think that perhaps it IS a science. Psychology to be more exact.
I'll be honest and say that if it does turn out to be a "science" and if it does turn out that there are certain "methods" that work in flirting with women, I'll be quite disappointed.
Disappointed as in most of the advice that I've gotten and most of the ideals that I used to believe in are all mistaken. Yes, I admit despite some of the stuff I write about this I still kind of hope that at least some of our romantic ideals would turn out to be true.
At least it work for many people I know.
One common thing I kept getting was,"Be yourself" or "Be true to yourself". Sounds good in theory doesn't it, all noble and all that. No need to change anything about yourself. You are good enough.
Are you?
In a previous post, I mentioned certain individuals that we had noticed. These individuals are so messed up and laden with so many problems, no amount of trying will be enough to get them female attention. Something to do with personality flaws from what I can see.
Be true to yourself? What do you do when being true to yourself IS actually the problem.
So you change your personality I suppose. Spank the inner moppet, get over it, identify and solve your problems. But suddenly I remember someone said a long time ago (or was that a comment someone left on this blog, I can't quite remember) changing your personality is the same as faking it, i.e you can't change who you are.
I'm confused. How far do you take "self-improvement" before it can be considered "faking"? And if a gormless, charmless, Average Frustrated Chump gradually changes into someone better and more socially adept, is he still himself or did he become someone else?
This doesn't sound like being true to yourself at all.
More importantly does it really matter?
One other thing. I get stuff like this in my mail too, i.e how to approach and get a woman's (hopefully positive) attention. The thing I don't really like about stuff like this is that at first glance it appears that it stereotypes and objectifies women. That's on one hand.
On the other hand, you have to admit (I'm sure many women will too) that some guys really do need some help when it comes to this. Some guys really need help so that they stop being creepy or being hapless chumps who can't handle themselves in company. I'm quite sure that many "creepy" guys don't want to be creepy. I know I wouldn't want to be. Likewise for people who are "annoying". For the necessary help to be conveyed sometimes abstract concepts need to be quantified, I guess.
Hence the "objectification".
This is the thing, when it comes to love, relationship and all that stuff I find myself constantly being pulled apart in two distinctly different directions. Do I let it flow naturally and be myself, which incidentally I've tried. So far it hasn't worked but I won't discuss the possible reasons here. That's a whole 10 page essay all by itself.
Or do I get a so-called "Players" Handbook" (or use a dating website or a forum) and use the "methods" therein? I haven't done this because frankly it sounds so "artificial".
I would love to fall in love again. It's been so very long since that happened and I'm not getting any younger. But when I think about it and all the confusion and potential trauma that can result from it, I wonder. Is it really worth it all.
Perhaps I've become too cold but I sometimes think that luck and fate are the ONLY things that matter and any other futile attempts are exactly that.
One final question, to women especially.
If you discovered that your husband/boyfriend whom you so adore first attracted you using a "method" or a "pickup" he found in a book/website/dating seminar/etc, would it matter? Would it upset you?
I would really like to know.
Whisper it Quietly...
...Buffy is back. (Pic from Darkhorse Comics)According to the information that I've been reading. Issue #1 of Buffy Season 8 will come out on 7th March 07.
Sure they've been other comics, but this one is extra special as it is written as a direct continuation of the TV series and will be written by the same people i.e Joss Whedon and co.
Hence, it will be 100% canon!
I'm very excited. This is very good news.
So far, all I know is that Buffy is in Italy and the rest of her old crew are scattered all over the world looking for new Slayers.
I wonder who the Season 8 Big Bad will be...
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Still Here
It took 10 minutes to log in to blogger today. That's very annoying.
The newspapers say that our internet situation will be back to normal on the 20th. I hope so. It's hard enough to find motivation to post while my connection speed was good, never mind when it's slowish like today.
Anyway.
The most remarkable thing that I can report from the last few days is the fact that I didn't read anything annoying in the news. That's very remarkable. Or perhaps all the annoying idiots are still on their holidays?
The first weeks of January is always interesting in that it still has that "new" feeling. I would like to find out how long the new year will feel new. I'm going to try and post the very second I feel like it's old hat. I think it'll feel old in another 2 days.
Yes, I'm bored and can't think of anything interesting to do with my spare time, apart from playing and fooling around with FM2007.
Talking about football, the last two weeks have been great of you're a fan of English football. First there was that crazy 4-games-8-days Christmas period and then this weekend was the FA Cup 3rd round. I bet fans of Swansea City are feeling very good at the moment...
I need to steal some double sided tape to stick up some posters on my wall. They are still bare at the moment. I'd like a poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar actually. Or a Buffy one. Where would I find such a thing?
As you can see, I have no idea what to write today.
All I wanted to say is that I'm alive and doing fine. I hope everyone is also fine and will have a good week.
The newspapers say that our internet situation will be back to normal on the 20th. I hope so. It's hard enough to find motivation to post while my connection speed was good, never mind when it's slowish like today.
Anyway.
The most remarkable thing that I can report from the last few days is the fact that I didn't read anything annoying in the news. That's very remarkable. Or perhaps all the annoying idiots are still on their holidays?
The first weeks of January is always interesting in that it still has that "new" feeling. I would like to find out how long the new year will feel new. I'm going to try and post the very second I feel like it's old hat. I think it'll feel old in another 2 days.
Yes, I'm bored and can't think of anything interesting to do with my spare time, apart from playing and fooling around with FM2007.
Talking about football, the last two weeks have been great of you're a fan of English football. First there was that crazy 4-games-8-days Christmas period and then this weekend was the FA Cup 3rd round. I bet fans of Swansea City are feeling very good at the moment...
I need to steal some double sided tape to stick up some posters on my wall. They are still bare at the moment. I'd like a poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar actually. Or a Buffy one. Where would I find such a thing?
As you can see, I have no idea what to write today.
All I wanted to say is that I'm alive and doing fine. I hope everyone is also fine and will have a good week.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Countdown? Countdown What?
The full horrors of the broadband meltdown struck me early yesterday morning. I spent half the day fielding calls from panicked people who can't receive/send stuff and who are cut off from our other offices which are overseas.
It's fun to be tech support. Really.
I also noticed that many people got rather unwell this last week. Myself included.
For the first time in many, many years (four to be exact) I did not participate in your usual New Years' Eve merry making. I slept. I had to since the next day was a working day and I had to get up at 5 bloody am as usual.
Plus, gastric was still there making me quite uncomfortable.
Anyway, as it turns out missing out on the so-called countdown didn't really bother me all that much. Not as much as it used to. The last time I missed New Years' Eve, I got very sad.
Working on the 1st didn't ruin my mood either. In fact, oddly I feel quite elated for no reason at all.
Maybe it has something to do with the 1st day of the new year. Yesterday, I felt like a great weight had lifted off my shoulders and I felt quite alright despite the flurry of panicked phone calls that I mentioned earlier.
The cynics would insist that the 1st of January is just one day in the year with no actual, material significance. That may be so but is it really? Perhaps deep down I'm thinking,"Finally, a chance for a fresh start. Time to close the book on last year and start anew with a clean slate!"
Maybe.
I'm not questioning it though. I would like to enjoy this positive vibe that I'm having while it lasts because I know that it won't.
And so, what does 2007 bring and what do I hope it will be? I do hope that this year will be more memorable than the last. This year I resolve to be happy and content and to accept the life that I have. I resolve not to begrudge other peoples' good fortunes. I admit last year I did feel that way a few times.
I resolve not to ask "why?" too much.
I hope to become less cold and less cynical somehow. I'm not sure how to do this yet. It is quite likely that I won't be able to pull this off.
We'll have to see.
At the end of this year, I hope I can say that I did well.
Cheers to the New Year and may all our hopes come to pass.
It's fun to be tech support. Really.
I also noticed that many people got rather unwell this last week. Myself included.
For the first time in many, many years (four to be exact) I did not participate in your usual New Years' Eve merry making. I slept. I had to since the next day was a working day and I had to get up at 5 bloody am as usual.
Plus, gastric was still there making me quite uncomfortable.
Anyway, as it turns out missing out on the so-called countdown didn't really bother me all that much. Not as much as it used to. The last time I missed New Years' Eve, I got very sad.
Working on the 1st didn't ruin my mood either. In fact, oddly I feel quite elated for no reason at all.
Maybe it has something to do with the 1st day of the new year. Yesterday, I felt like a great weight had lifted off my shoulders and I felt quite alright despite the flurry of panicked phone calls that I mentioned earlier.
The cynics would insist that the 1st of January is just one day in the year with no actual, material significance. That may be so but is it really? Perhaps deep down I'm thinking,"Finally, a chance for a fresh start. Time to close the book on last year and start anew with a clean slate!"
Maybe.
I'm not questioning it though. I would like to enjoy this positive vibe that I'm having while it lasts because I know that it won't.
And so, what does 2007 bring and what do I hope it will be? I do hope that this year will be more memorable than the last. This year I resolve to be happy and content and to accept the life that I have. I resolve not to begrudge other peoples' good fortunes. I admit last year I did feel that way a few times.
I resolve not to ask "why?" too much.
I hope to become less cold and less cynical somehow. I'm not sure how to do this yet. It is quite likely that I won't be able to pull this off.
We'll have to see.
At the end of this year, I hope I can say that I did well.
Cheers to the New Year and may all our hopes come to pass.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Food Poisoning
I've had a dreadful few days. First, the earthquake near Taiwan ruins my internet connection.
Then, over the last 3 days I had a stomach problem. I think it's food poisoning. My parents think its gastritis, which is very unlikely actually.
Whatever it was, it was very painful. I've not really eaten in the last 72 hours. Fortunately all the pills I've been taking are finally making me feel better.
By the way if anyone has problems burning CDs and if you use Daemon Tools, disable the virtual drive created by Daemon (if any), exit Daemon Tools and restart your computer. That should fix it.
Going out for dinner soon. It's good to finally get some appetite back. Hopefully, I can salvage whatever is left of my week off from work.
Happy New Year!
Then, over the last 3 days I had a stomach problem. I think it's food poisoning. My parents think its gastritis, which is very unlikely actually.
Whatever it was, it was very painful. I've not really eaten in the last 72 hours. Fortunately all the pills I've been taking are finally making me feel better.
By the way if anyone has problems burning CDs and if you use Daemon Tools, disable the virtual drive created by Daemon (if any), exit Daemon Tools and restart your computer. That should fix it.
Going out for dinner soon. It's good to finally get some appetite back. Hopefully, I can salvage whatever is left of my week off from work.
Happy New Year!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Peace on Earth
... and good will to all men.
Christmas is tomorrow. Today is my last day of work for 2006. When I come back to the office, it will be the 1st of January 2007.
It also seems like it's been a very short year.
I hope to have a lazy week off. I would like time to take some time off too, so instead of it blazing by like it has all year I would like time to pass by languidly. You know, like a stream or something. Unfortunately as they say, time waits for no one. Unless you're at the dentist...
It's been a decent enough year. Quiet, with almost no drama (except for that time when the neighbour's house caught fire). On the personal front, it's all quiet as can be observe from the relative lack of introspective ranting here on this blog.
One of the negatives of this year has been the fact that I've drifted away from some of my friends. I've always known that as time goes by, we'd end up going our own ways and doing our own thing. It's just one of those things that you'd think would happen "in the future" instead of now. It's something that you take for granted.
I have many female friends and I feel it most when they marry or get engaged or general become less available. A few of them have done so this last two years especially. Of course I wish them all the success and happiness in the world, but there is that little bit of sadness there. We are still friends of course, but it's not the same anymore.
The same can be said about the guys I used to hang with. It's not the same either.
I guess drifting apart from friends is the one of the less pleasant parts of growing older, one might say.
Anyway, the year ends in 7 days and a new year will emerge. I wish that the new year will bring something new. I wish that in the new year something will happen that will bring back my enthusiasm and spirit so that I may take risks without too much fear of failure.
Above all else, I wish to be happy and content with what I have and what will be. What ever becomes of me, I hope I do not become (more) cynical and jaded. That's one other thing that I didn't like about this year. This year I could sense myself turning colder and colder inside. I hope that there is a way to reverse that and perhaps in the new year, I will find the way.
But that is all for next year. I will mull over it some other time.
For now, it is a time to enjoy and to be grateful for blessings, friends and family. I wish all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Christmas is tomorrow. Today is my last day of work for 2006. When I come back to the office, it will be the 1st of January 2007.
It also seems like it's been a very short year.
I hope to have a lazy week off. I would like time to take some time off too, so instead of it blazing by like it has all year I would like time to pass by languidly. You know, like a stream or something. Unfortunately as they say, time waits for no one. Unless you're at the dentist...
It's been a decent enough year. Quiet, with almost no drama (except for that time when the neighbour's house caught fire). On the personal front, it's all quiet as can be observe from the relative lack of introspective ranting here on this blog.
One of the negatives of this year has been the fact that I've drifted away from some of my friends. I've always known that as time goes by, we'd end up going our own ways and doing our own thing. It's just one of those things that you'd think would happen "in the future" instead of now. It's something that you take for granted.
I have many female friends and I feel it most when they marry or get engaged or general become less available. A few of them have done so this last two years especially. Of course I wish them all the success and happiness in the world, but there is that little bit of sadness there. We are still friends of course, but it's not the same anymore.
The same can be said about the guys I used to hang with. It's not the same either.
I guess drifting apart from friends is the one of the less pleasant parts of growing older, one might say.
Anyway, the year ends in 7 days and a new year will emerge. I wish that the new year will bring something new. I wish that in the new year something will happen that will bring back my enthusiasm and spirit so that I may take risks without too much fear of failure.
Above all else, I wish to be happy and content with what I have and what will be. What ever becomes of me, I hope I do not become (more) cynical and jaded. That's one other thing that I didn't like about this year. This year I could sense myself turning colder and colder inside. I hope that there is a way to reverse that and perhaps in the new year, I will find the way.
But that is all for next year. I will mull over it some other time.
For now, it is a time to enjoy and to be grateful for blessings, friends and family. I wish all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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