Today was a little better than yesterday. My flu's clearing up nicely with the help of some clarinase and those weird mouth numbing lozenges, which never cease to amaze me. A numb mouth is quite the sensation.
Despite it being just a flu, I suddenly thought of mortality, my own to be exact. One of the these days barring any terminal personal mishaps, I'll get sick and unlike all the previous times, won't get better. Then I started to imagine what would it feel like, to feel life itself slipping away.
When we die, can we feel it coming? Old folks would say yes you would be. I hear all kinds of stories of people saying strange things and not really being themselves on the eve of their passing. Did they know? It's a bizarre thought.
Today's post is one of those posts where I think too much.
Talking about being sick, I'm grateful. I get sick very, very rarely, despite the way I used to live what with lack of sleep and the boozing and the nicotine abuse and the emotional problems etc. Though I don't really keep up with that kind of life much these days, I should be more sickly I reckon.
I'm not. I'm fitter than some other more health conscious people I know. I'm grateful for this hardiness. It also just occured to me that I've never really thought about keeping fit and being grateful for my health.
Being sick made me think about it this time. That was a nasty flu I had yesterday.
In other happenings, this week is one of those weeks where I feel like life is in some kind of holding pattern. It's as if it's waiting for something. I suddenly feel quite uncertain about what's going to happen next week.
It might be because my schedule is all messed up amid all the shift changing. Or maybe not.
This uncertainty is a bad thing. Usually, upheavals in my life are bad, unpleasant, disastrous even. I always end up losing something. I hope this feeling goes away soon, along with the flu and morbid thoughts of death.
Have to be extra careful this week, les I screw up at work.
Now that's a dreadful thought.