Holding Pattern

Not at work today. And what a relief that is...

I had a really bad day yesterday, with technical problems up to my ears. My boss was in a foul mood and it sort of rubbed of on everyone. Had to spend a lot of time avoiding him.

Everything's in holding pattern now. My job application's been received. So now I wait. Me & F****** ? Nothing new, though yesterday I had a nice quietish evening with her. I feel grateful that she was around. It would've made my day even worse if I couldn't see her.

Normally I would get angsty if I had to wait for something, especially when I can't do anything about it. But this time I won't be. I've done all I can and that is that. No amount of worrying and fidgeting is going to help my cause. Not going to lose any sleep over something that I can't control.

Worry is wasteful isn't it ? To me there is really no point in entertaining such an emotion. Better spend energy fixing the CAUSE of the worry rather than to stay awake the whole night WORRYING. Worry is like a flag, it pops up when things are not right. It signifies the fact that we realize that something has to be done to change something that's gone awry. When worried, I try to find the cause and isolate it. Maybe solve or remove it. That would be the ideal.

Some people I know feel that if I don't show any outward signs of worry, it means I don't care. That somehow, if I'm not losing my head and panicking that means I'm being apathetic. Nothing is further from the truth. I do care. Is just that I try not to worry too much. It's a waste of time. Really.

Am I immune to worry ? No, I'm human after all so yeah, I do worry. But I never let that dictate my actions. At least I try not to.

Of course that's easier said than done. Being human, I can't rationalize everything everytime. I get flustered. I get anxious. I lose my head and act rashly.

I'm sure everyone's heard of the serenity prayer. You know the one where one asks for wisdom to tell the difference between things that one can or cannot change ? To me, basically it means to say that one shouldn't worry too much. Change what we can and bear with what we can't.

What else can we do ?

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is not to do anything but wait.