Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I had a plan to post on my birthday which was a few days ago. It was supposed to be all angsty and troubled like how I used to write. It was supposed to be a litany of regrets, a dirge for dead ambitions, a lamentation of lost youth and time.
You know, the stuff that screamo lyrics are made of. You get the idea.
I thought I was going to be miserable on Monday. I thought I had good reason to be too. My 35th birthday is a big deal. It's that line in the sand between youth and middle age. Well, to me anyway.
All the stuff that I planned and attempted had be to done by the time I was 35. By 35, I was supposed to be stable and contented. In short, a lot of stuff had to happen by the time I'm 35.
In short, 35 was supposed to be some kind of milestone. It's the time when I was supposed to sit and reckon all my achievements and successes (if any). Thirty five was my Rubicon.
I'm not going to lie. The idea of turning 35 bothered me more than I would want to admit. Especially considering how my life had been turning out until that point.
So on the day itself, I waited for that inevitable pall of gloom to fall on me so that I could write my blog post of doom. I waited. And waited. And waited.
It never came. I was rather relaxed throughout the last few days. Talk about anticlimax...
I did sit down and look back as one is wont to do on one's birthday. Life most certainly not turned out the way I wanted it to be. Many things happened that I wished didn't. I did many things that I wish I could take back.
But I had good times too. I have friends. And experience which enriched me in more ways that I can think of at the moment.
On the whole, I didn't get the cake that I wanted. But what I got isn't so bad as I thought it would be.
Obviously, things are going to have to change in some parts of my life. Change is inevitable after all. I'm going to have to forget about certain things and lower the priorities of some others.
Surprisingly, making that decision was easier than I expected.
In the end, I had a nice quite birthday as usual. As usual, we went to that food place in Batu Lintang where we go every year. And as usual, Mom asked when am I going to get married and told me that they aren't picky about that, yadda yadda yadda...
Anyway talking about priorities, what should I be aiming for now? I can't think of any so-called greater aim in life at the moment.
And thus, the end of the post has come. I'm looking forward to the rest of the year and the years after that. Let's see what The Fates have in store for me.
I also need to find the motivation to blog more. My current output is too low for my liking...