It's Wednesday and it feels like a good time to post. Today is one of those days when I feel the urge to write. Those types of days are quite rare now.
As usual, I don't really know what to write.
I felt like writing something about bloggers and the government being scared of them and bla bla bla but honestly, I'm tired of doing current affairs stuff. It's so tiring and it makes me mad, you know?
Besides there are dozens more people who are in a better position to do that kind of stuff anyway.
Now about me not knowing what to write.
It's a strange state of affairs considering how prolific I was a few years back. Perhaps this is what is called all wrote out? I really got nothing new to say.
Except for the last few weeks I've been running a D&D game with my friends. I still haven't really found my feet yet as a DM. It's something that I need to work on.
It's a good thing that our former DM came back from Singapore recently. I had a chat about D& D with him the other day and it was alright. Very useful.
Apart from that there really is nothing new.
This is the type of situation that makes me ask what is to become of my life in general. I feel like I've hit a point of resistance where I feel like I've done all that I could (even though I KNOW that's not true, it's just a feeling you know?) and I lack the motivation and the interest to go and try to find more.
It's like I'm a plane and I've hit my service ceiling.
No no this is not a complaint. I'm not looking for advice or whatever. I'm just tapping away at the keyboard with no idea of what I'm going to write next.
Perhaps the thing that I'm supposed to be doing later this month will help move me a bit. Maybe. I hope so. I wonder if it is possible for me to feel differently about things and live a "different" life?
One where I'm not haunted by guilt and sadness and the very negative thinking that comes and goes and comes again every once in a while?
I wonder what I would become if I ever laid my ghosts to rest? I wonder what it's like to be.. what's it?
Satisfied. Happy. Content.
I better stop writing about this. This is tempting fate. With my luck the fates will latch on to my plans and screw it up. Or make me screw it up for them. Or something like that.
It's near the end of April and time just flies by doesn't it? I'll be 34 in 3 months.
I want to say I'm scared but alarmed as I am, I can't be bothered any more. I feel that it's not a good idea for me to compare myself with other 34 year olds.
I have no right to. I reap what I sow and I am here today mostly on the back of all the things that I've done.
Perhaps one day in the not too distant future, I will be in a better place due to the things that I'm doing now. Maybe this time, I do more right than wrong.
Ok, that's enough for today.