Monday, March 01, 2010

Time Pt 2

It's March already. Hmm.

In my last post I put up Pink Floyd lyrics and there's this bit that goes:-

"Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines"

The years do seem to get shorter and shorter don't they. And despite all the talk about playing things safe, there are a few I want to do with the time that I have. But somehow, there are things here that hold me back. Plans come to naught or remain just plans.

It doesn't bother me much though. I don't mind if I don't do anything major again in my life. As long as I can be happy. To be free and happy is everything I want. That is all.

There is one thought that scares me.

When I turned 30 I didn't mind it so much. It didn't seem like a big deal. Then recently I realized that that was 7 years ago. Then it suddenly became a big deal.

Turning 40 scares me. It's frightening because of how unready I am. What has the average 40 year old achieved. And where am I compared to that median.

I look at my parents. My former classmates from school and uni. What have I done with all the time? I supposed I shouldn't feel so bad. It's not as if I didn't try to get ahead. But most things didn't work out. Half a page of scribbled lines.

I suppose I fear because when you are young and make mistakes, there's still time. I feel that if I make a mistake now, there won't be anymore time to try to make up for it.

I have a lot to make up for. A lot of favours to repay and a lot of wrongs to correct. A lot I need to do to become the average that I imagine. I don't even know where to start. What does the future hold in it?

And how much time do I have before it's all gone and the song ends?

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