I've been having a tense few days, agonising over which way to go career-wise. Some people say I should take one way and some other people say I should take the other way. Being split in half is difficult to handle.
Something occurred to me just now on my way home from a night out with friends.
Part of the tension is caused by my fear of upsetting people whose opinions I value. The trouble now is that whichever direction I choose, there will be people who have the right to be unhappy with it. This is justified. If someone gives advise and suggestions that end up not being followed, it doesn't leave a very good impression to say the least.
Then it hit me. Ultimately this is my life and ultimately, I am the one who has to live with the consequences of whatever decision I make. Therefore, I should be making decisions based on what I feel is good for me. Not based on whom I may or may not disappoint.
What I feel is good for me. That sounds incredibly selfish when you say it out loud particularly when other people have spent time and effort with well meaning help and advise. But in the end, you have to look out for number one and go with your instincts.
And my instincts say...
Well, remember that job offer I got the other day? There's been a slight delay. This delay is causing me some anxiety. I would prefer it if I knew the outcome soon so I can finally make a decision. Also, I can finally inform other people that I won't be available anymore.
What I'm saying is I need a decisive end to the quandary that I'm facing now. I don't do anxiety very well.
At least I have Sims 3 to fall back to while I wait..