Anxious

My damn GOC cert still hasn't arrived. I've tried calling the academy but I haven't managed to get through yet. I did talk to them last week and they said they should receive it in "the next few days".

I can't look for work without that cert! Damn.

Everything else is ready. Last week I went to Muara Tebas to do my seaman book at the Marine Department. All I need now is to get my GOC cert and fax that and the seaman book to this company I'm applying at.

Hopefully I won't have to wait much longer. This waiting is making me think bad thoughts about not cutting it at sea.

I've been talking to my friend who is on his break from offshore work. He's assured me that the job is easy and there is no reason why I shouldn't do well. Yet I'm still quite nervous. Maybe I'm worried about not being accepted onboard a vessel. Or maybe I'm worried about not fitting in.

I worry about breaking and failing.

This is just me being my usual irrational self. I don't do changes very well. Especially big changes. When I do think rationally about it, there is absolutely no good reason why I won't do well.

And yet, there it is. The nagging anxiety is still there.

This is all very stupid. I suppose I would know for sure once I actually get on board whatever barge I'm supposed to be on.

Whatever my feelings and whatever happens, I've commited myself to this. Hopefully a few months down the line I would be laughing at myself for being so worried.

To keep myself busy, I entertain myself in various ways. Like looking at pretty pictures..