Sunday, December 17, 2006

The Seed of Destruction

Some questions are very difficult. They say that honesty is the best policy, but is it really?

If someone was honest to you and tells you that you're doing something wrong, would you listen?

I remember years ago I was in the throes of yet another failed attempt at courtship. Out of frustration, I asked a friend what do I have to do and what am I doing wrong.

She told me I had to figure that out myself.

I was angry at that answer for a good long while, even after I figured out what was wrong (the problem was mostly me and how I conducted myself, by the way)

Suddenly tonight, I'm not so sure if I was justified in my dissatisfaction at such an ambiguous answer.

If she had told me that I was the problem and that I was doing it all wrong, would I have listened to her? Would I have realised the cause of the problem and tried to remedy it?

Honestly, no. I was sure I was doing it right. Or rather, the way I was doing it was the only way I knew how.

Back then I believed that if you're "nice" and "sincere" your "good" qualities would shine through despite your social ineptitude and lack of charm. That and all the other sappy, romantic, idealistic, good-guys-win-in-the-end, chick flick, romance novel bullshit.

Then one day, I woke up and found myself in the Real World(TM). As can be expected, for most part it was already too late by then.

Very recently, one or two things happened that reminded me of what used to be. Certain individuals are shooting themselves in their feet, most likely without their own knowledge.

I felt an urge to say something to "save" them from the regrets that they will inevitably have.

I've decided not to. My ambiguous friend may have been right. Certain things are best left for other people to discover on their own. For their sakes, they'd better get their blinders off fast.

Or find partners that believe in the same things...

I've read many things and heard much advice from people about the ways and means of attraction and courtship. There is something that I've personally noted that never seems to get mentioned.

Sometimes we fail to attract others because we have some unsolved, deep seated, personal issue(s), not because we're "bad" people. It could be any number of things. Low self esteem, lack of confidence, social anxiety, poor body image, emotional problems etc. It doesn't matter what issue it is. These issues manifest themselves in the way we behave and carry ourselves, which usually ends up being very unappealling. Or creepy. Or annoying. Or some other way that is not going to help.

Being "nice" isn't the key and was never the key. Being attractive is. Having good or bad intentions has no bearing on attraction (re: Swaggery Colleague)

It's a point worth remembering I feel, myself included of course.

If you find yourself chasing away every member of the opposite sex that you have ever liked, don't be so quick to blame things on the outside. Look in the mirror and really look.

The problem could be you.

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