I was reading just now about people and their ambitions, aspirations and dreams which they would like to achieve in life.
It suddenly dawned to me that I don't really have any ambitions or dreams to speak of. At least not any more. I want to say my ambition is to travel and see places but am I really up to it?
I've been kind of lucky that at least one of my youthful ambitions have come true, sort of.
I wanted to work with computers. I do work with computers now. I fix and maintain them. I also roll out software and make sure there are no malware or viruses in the network. On a good day, it can be fun. I actually quite enjoy being tech support despite the occasional aggravation caused by clueless users.
My work is the one thing which I wanted and got. The rest are all misses.
I'm not really complaining and I can't say I'm really disappointed. I feel totally indifferent about it actually. But sometimes, I do kind of wished some of the other stuff came true to though. If only, if only.
But they haven't and most of it probably won't come true. I can accept that. Time moves on and I move on with it.
What might be nice to have now is some kind of new aspiration or dream. I think dreams and aspirations are important to have. It drives, provides hope and gives more reason to the things we do. It's always good to have something long term to look forward to.
Like I said I was reading blogs just now and it struck me. What is it that I want out of life? Ten years ago I would have no trouble answering this. This morning, the answer is apparently, I don't know.
I don't know what I want.
I wonder, is my lack of ambition caused by my current general lack of enthusiasm or is my lack of enthusiasm caused by my apparent lack of ambition?
And why do I like to ask these difficult-to-answer questions?
Sometimes I think it's better to be a simple minded person. Things get a lot less complicated.