Lifting Clouds

My old boss from my old company texted me this morning. He offered me an IT job!

Holy shit!

Half Done

May is almost over. I'm glad.

Gawai is in a couple of days. I'm just going to take it easy. Most of the people I'd want to visit aren't here anyway.

Gawai is a celebration of thanks for a good harvest. Sad to say mine wasn't so good this year. Perhaps next Gawai I'll have more things to be grateful for.

In all this, at least I have my friends. No one could wish for better company.

Happy Gawai everyone.

Again?

I'm not feeling very good right now. Remember how I got thrown off a barge last time? They say they want me back. I'm not sure exactly when. Could be tonight. Could be the end of next year. I don't particularly care at the moment.

I should be feeling pretty good but in fact I'm feeling very meh and a little bit pissed off actually. Why now? I would have felt better had they never considered wanting me back. At least I can close the door on that awful experience. I'm feeling some pressure now because if something goes wrong again people are really going to blame me for it regardless of whose fault it is.

I shouldn't be feeling so negative but how can I not? Stupid weird shit happens a lot in my life. Who's to say God himself won't ruin my life again just for laughs? It's not as if it's not happened before.

Nevertheless, necessity forces me to consider any kind of work that comes by at the moment. I remember making plans on my way out on that ill fated first trip a few weeks ago. This time, I don't think I'll do that anymore. Call me a pessimist but making long term plans sometimes feel like you're tempting fate.

So no change from last week. The wind blows and there will I be wherever is it. Whoever gives me work first is where I'll end up long term.

June is approaching and I really, really hope I get some kind of break for the second half of this year. The first half has been nothing but disastrous.

Still Nothing

I need more ideas for more places to send my resume to. I've done it for all the usual places on the net. I've looked at the papers and as usual there is nothing there.

I've managed to cut my expenses down to almost nothing so the situation isn't very dire...yet. I have some support to manage my commitments. In fact, my biggest concern now is actually boredom.

I've also decided to expand my search to involve other fields like those involving translation and language work. Can't hurt to try now can it?

So how about oil and gas? Well, the whole failed urine test experience has left a really, really bad taste in my mouth. Every day I'm feeling less and less inclined to try again. I'm not sure if I can hack it working something that I don't really love doing despite the potential for good income. The bad initial experience does not help at all.

My first choice will always be to work with computers. That is what I do and what I'm good at.

Hopefully, the application I sent last week will bring some news. Heck, at this time even a rejection is better than no sound at all.

Starting All Over Again

There was a power failure at my house yesterday evening. I got bored and went out. I drove around for awhile and ended up watching Star Trek by myself. It was nice.

I also prepared a job application late last night. There is a position available at a leading hotel here in Kuching. My mom helped send it this morning.

I hope something good will happen. After all that's been happening, I deserve a bit of luck. My family needs that bit of luck too. I've been nothing but a drain to them. They deserve better than this.

Will I go out to sea again? I don't know.

Since The Fates like to screw around with my life I'm just going to let them decide. Whichever job becomes available first that is where I'm going. If I get a job on land first then that's it. If I get another offer to go offshore before that, then I'm going.

Whatever happens, it can't screw up again. I'm not getting any younger and I can no longer waste time blundering around anymore. I hope The Powers That Be understand.

A Greek Tragedy

...can be made out of the story of my life. Something terrible has happened again.

I failed a urine test on the barge. I tested positive for opiates. Opiates! How on earth did that get in my system!?

I arrive on the barge, go through the usual registration, induction etc, meet some of my new shipmates, pick up my gear and go to sick bay to do a urine test. Then I go to my bunk to rest until I report to my station.

Despite all that stuff I said earlier, I was actually stoked to be there finally. Then, the safety guy comes over and asks me to follow him. That was when the medic told me about the "problem".

None of us were happy about it so we decide to wait an hour and do it again. No good. Also positive.

I didn't know what to say. The medic and the safety told me they had no choice. There are regulations about these things. I knew. I understood. They asked me if I had taken any medication that might have opiates in them. No. I only took some seasickness tablets and those don't have morphine in them. I told them I don't do drugs. They believed me.

So where did the opiate in my system come from? Damned if I know. The medic shook my hand and apologized. He then signed the report and off I went. By the way, boat transfers at night are VERY nervy. Especially when the sea is choppy.

My entire first trip lasted all of 3 hours, not including the 21 hours I spent sitting in a crew boat getting there. The only upside was that when the rest of the crew found out they seemed genuinely shocked and sorry about it. Even the superintendent.

I'm not pissed off at any of them. This wasn't their fault.

Why do these things happen to me? First the Oz scam and now this? Who is responsible for these disasters that seem to beset me when I try to do things?

On the way back to land, the only thing I could think of was to clear my name. I make landfall and all my travel arrangements have been made. I fly out the next day to Miri to see my boss. That was on Monday. On Tuesday, I met him. I thought they were going to eat me alive. Instead, they were surprisingly calm. Even the biggest boss.

They told me what I already knew and accepted. The job is gone. They have a replacement flying out that very minute (and who happens to be a friend of mine too, so that's a good thing I suppose). The only thing they can do now is to clear things up. So they send me off to a clinic to do a more thorough test...

...which turned out negative. They are going to use this information to make some inquiries. They won't tell me what kind exactly.

I took the bus home from Miri last night. Lots of time to think on a 14 hour bus ride. I got in this morning and now I sit in front of my PC at home, not knowing exactly what to think or feel.

I'm just.... numb and shocked. And bewildered. And embarrassed. I made plans and I actually told people about it. What are they going to think of me now?

Everything was going great up until that urine test. It's just crazy. Opiates in my system. How? Or maybe the question should be, who? I don't want to speculate and play with conspiracy theories. I have a big enough headache already.

Why do these things happen to me? First the Oz trip and now this!?

In the bus, I thought to myself maybe this is a hint of some kind. Perhaps I was never meant to do "adventurous" things. Maybe it would be better for me if I just stuck to what I know and do best, fixing computers and other IT work.

There is no time to mope and feel sorry for myself. I have absolutely no money left. I need to find work. Any work. Right now.

ROTF

The new Transformers 2 trailer is out. Damn. The movie's release seems like a whole lifetime away. I can barely wait for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_Veo0G2qfY

In Transit

I had a rough day yesterday. Didn't get much sleep in the morning due to that phone call. I ran around all day preparing things and by 5 pm I was at the airport. I had the worst case of nerves you could imagine. The sweltering heat didn't help at all. Mercifully, it rained last night.

I feel much better this morning. A bit of food and a good night's sleep makes all the difference.

Anyway, the original plan was for me to check out and leave tonight but not 30 seconds ago I received a call telling me that I'm going off tomorrow instead. That probably means there isn't enough time to do all my paperwork today. Which is ok I guess. Could use some more rest.

I'm in a hotel in Geylang right now. I'm going to have to find something to do today. I could go out and explore but to be honest, I don't feel all that touristy at the moment.

I'm not much of a traveler. I don't feel all that comfortable in strange places. Takes a bit of time for me to get used to new settings. Especially when I'm all alone like now. That is my peeve today, the fact that I'm completely alone with no one to talk to. Maybe I'll take a walk later and come back in the evening to surf the net.

Can you imagine how hard this would have been without access to the internet? I would die of boredom.

Anyway, while I'm still kind of anxious I'm not nearly as fearful as I was yesterday. I'm guessing this was caused by the initial shock of the hey-you're-leaving-today-get-your-stuff-ready phone call and the lack of sleep.

Have I ever mentioned how I hate surprises? At least this thing is real unlike that Oz scam I got caught up in. That experience was very damaging for me in terms of confidence and morale. I blame that for the excessive amounts bad emotions and thoughts I've been having in the days leading up to yesterday. If it weren't for that I would be way more confident and be raring to go instead.

At least I'm feeling much more positive today. Barring any disasters I should be able to fit in with my new colleagues. I hope things will be ok once I get out to sea in the next one or two days. I hope I'll do well and maybe even enjoy the experience.

Whatever happens this is something new and exciting for me.

EDIT: Something happened a minute ago that is equally surprising and irksome at the same time. I received mail from another offshore contractor telling me that they had received my resume and now they want my other documents (seaman book, certs etc). I laughed. I've always felt that The Fates like to mess with me and this is them doing it again. Where was this job offer two weeks ago? Funny thing is, I don't remember sending them my resume in the 1st place. Oh well... When it rains it pours.

Maybe I should ask them how much they pay?

Time to Go

Apparently, I'm going to Singapore this evening. I've been warned about this but it's still a bit sudden.

Fears and anxiety notwithstanding, it's now. By this time tomorrow, I'll be at sea. Wish me luck. My biggest peeve is that I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone.

Hopefully, 2 months from now I'll be a much happier person.

I have a plan. If all goes well, I'll work this job 4, maybe 5 years. I have a financial target. If I meet that target, I'll quit. If all goes well, I'll never have to work for a living again after that.

Financial freedom. I'll sacrifice 5 years of my life in exchange for the rest of my life. That's the motivation now.

Dollhouse

After Buffy and Angel, I don't watch much tv related material anymore. Not even Heroes although I feel it's really, really good from the few episodes I did manage to watch.

However, I might start following Dollhouse regularly. Why?

It's a Joss Whedon created Mutant Enemy product. Joss Whedon is awesome and I'm always interested in what he does. The show's premise is fascinating. The lead is Eliza Dushku, one of my favourite exBuffy/Angel people. She also produces the show. Amy Acker also plays a minor recurring role.

I've seen some teasers and recaps and I like what I'm seeing. I hope Fox renews it for a second season. I'm going to hunt for episodes tonight.

Here's a recap from Youtube. (Spoiler alert).

Gaga Does Coldplay

I find it a bit odd that she chooses to wrap her voice with all that electronic pop stuff in debut album. I mean listen to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOEVKL0y1lQ

Lady Gaga Coldplay cover. She's a good pianist no?

*Can't embed video. The widescreen format spills over the post column.

Edit: Another nice video. Paparazzi i.e my favourite track from The Fame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP8SrlbpJ5A (Piano acoustic)